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    Marty Feldman Quotation


    "The pen is mightier than the sword, and is considerably easier to write with."

    "I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference."



    Movie Title: Young Frankenstein (1974) as Igor:



    Igor : My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up.


    Igor : You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : What did he say?
    Igor : "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"


    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?
    Igor : [doing a Groucho Marx] Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban.


    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Igor, would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
    Igor : And you won't be angry?
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : I will NOT be angry.
    Igor : Abby someone.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Abby someone. Abby who?
    Igor : Abby Normal.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Abby Normal?
    Igor : I'm almost sure that was the name.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?

    [Froederick and Igor are exhuming a dead criminal]
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : What a filthy job.
    Igor : Could be worse.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : How?
    Igor : Could be raining. [it starts to pour]


    Igor : Dr. Frankenstein...
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : "Fronkensteen."
    Igor : You're putting me on.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen."
    Igor : Do you also say "Froaderick"?
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : No..."Frederick."
    Igor : Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronensteen."
    Igor : I see.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : You must be Igor. [He pronounces it ee-gor]
    Igor : No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : But they told me it was "ee-gor."
    Igor : Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?


    Inga : Werewolf
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Werewolf?
    Igor : There.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : What?
    Igor : There wolf. There castle.


    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Damn your eyes.
    Igor : [to camera] Too late.


    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
    Inga : His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Exactly.
    Inga : He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : That goes without saying.
    Inga : Voof.
    Igor : He's going to be very popular.

    [in Victor Frankenstein's laboratory]
    Igor : [sings] I ain't got no body, and nobody cares for me. Yakka tak ta a yakka tak ta ha!
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Igor.
    Igor : Froedrick.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : How did you get here?
    Igor : Through the dumbwaiter.


    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.
    Igor : What hump?


    Igor : Wait Master, it might be dangerous... you go first.


    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door.
    Inga : Yes, Doctor.
    Igor : Nice working with ya. [Dr. Frederick Frankenstein goes into the room with The Monster. The Monster wakes up]
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!

    [after failing to bring the creature to life]
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Nothing.
    Inga : Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace. [starts beating up the creature]
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Son of a bitch! Bastard! I'll get you for this! What did you do to me? What did you do to me.
    Inga : Stop it! Stop that! Stop it! You'll kill him!
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : I don't want to live. I do not want to live.
    Igor : Quiet dignity and grace [rolls eyes]
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Oh... mama...


    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Eyegor.
    Igor : Froadrick.


    Igor : I heard the strangest music from the upstairs kitchen and I just... followed it down. Call it... a hunch. Ba-dum chi.


    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Well it seems as if our mysterious violinist has disa... [sees something]
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : puh.
    Inga : Disa what?
    Igor : -ppeared.
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Shh.

    [The trio find an abandoned violin]
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Well this explains the music.
    Igor : It's still warm.


    Igor : Where are you going?
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : To wash up. I've got to look normal. [his bowtie pops open]
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : We've all of us got to behave normally.

    Movie Title: The Last Remake of Beau Geste (1977) as Digby Geste:



    Digby Geste : We were identical twins, but somehow Beau was much more identical than me.


    General Pecheur : Will you shut up?!
    Digby Geste : I'm afraid I can't answer that question, sir.

    [Facing a firing squad]
    Digby Geste : You expect me to talk when all I could preserve is my own measly, worthless life? TOO BLOODY RIGHT, I'LL TALK! I'll talk, I'll talk, just try and stop me!





    Movie Title: The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother (1975) as Orville:



    Orville : Are you Mister S., for Sigerson, Holmes?
    Sigerson Holmes : Perhaps.
    Orville : Do you have a brother whose first name is Sherlock?
    Sigerson Holmes : I do not.
    Orville : You do have a brother?
    Sigerson Holmes : I do.
    Orville : Might I inquire as to his first name?
    Sigerson Holmes : "Sheer luck."


    Sigerson Holmes : You call this tea?
    Orville : No, I call that hot water.

       
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