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 Marilu Henner Quotation"When we measured heads in the eighth grade, mine was the biggest." Movie Title: L.A. Story (1991) as Trudi: Roland : Sara just got off a plane from London. Trudi : Oh, you must be exhausted. Sara : Yes, I'm shattered, but it's nothing that some sleep and a good fuck wouldn't cure, as my sister used to say. Ha ha ha. [Everyone stares] Roland : You'll have to forgive Sara. Sara : Oh, it was just... it was just a figure of speech. I've been on a plane for twelve hours next to a crying baby. Harris : I'm not kissing anyone hello anymore. Trudi : Well just shake hands with them. Harris : Are you kidding? I just wash my hands and I shake hands with some guy that feels like he's been squashing caterpillars. Trudi : Sheila has been studying the art of conversation. Harris : Oh, you're taking a course in conversation? Sheila : Yes. [Long pause] Guy with neck-support: I'll have a decaf coffee. Trudi : I'll have a decaf espresso. Movie critic: I'll have a double decaf cappuccino. Policeman: Give me decaffeinated coffee ice cream. Harris : I'll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon. Trudi : I'll have a twist of lemon. Guy with neck-support: I'll have a twist of lemon. Movie critic: I'll have a twist of lemon. Cynthia : I'll have a twist of lemon. Harris : So, I'll see you Sunday? Trudi : I got a shower Sunday. Harris : Oh yeah, and I really should take a bath... Monday? Trudi : He said it's the first day of spring. Harris : Oh shit! Open season on the L.A. freeway! Trudi : Do bullets go bad? Harris : No, it's not like milk. They don't have expiration date or anything. [Trudi is loading a gun] Harris : Don't point it at me! Trudi : Sorry, I don't know gun etiquette. Trudi : One of the first things I always teach my clients is about the point system. You should never have more than seven things on. You know, like your earrings count for two points, those daisies count for three points. But the best thing to do is, right before you go out, look in the mirror and turn around real fast, and the first thing that catches your eye, get rid of it. I mean, I had this thing in my hair before I left, remember? And I pulled it right out, 'cause as soon as I turned, gone! Marilyn Monroe did that. Trudi : Isn't that girl Sara awful? I mean, what's with that accent? Harris : She has an accent because she's English. Trudi : Or maybe she's just trying to impress everybody. Harris : Oh, like that big phony, Winston Churchill. Harris : A sign spoke to me, said I was in trouble. Trudi : If you're talking to signs, you are in trouble. [Trudi admits to Harris that she has been cheating on him] Harris : How long has this been going on? Trudi : 3 years. Harris : 3 years? You mean this has been going on since the '80s? Movie Title: Johnny Dangerously (1984) as Lil: Lil : And shelf paper! Oh, Johnny, I *love* shelf paper! Ma Kelly : You've gotten to be like a daughter to me and I wanna share somethin' with ya. Lil : Awww, what's that Mom Kelley? Ma Kelly : I go both ways. Lil : Oh. Johnny Kelly : Say kid, what do they call you? Lil : Impressive. Johnny Dangerously : The name's Dangerously. Johnny Dangerously. Lil : Did you know you're last name is an adverb? Lil : So when I was 18 I left home and came here to Chicago. Johnny Dangerously : Uh Lil, this ain't Chicago. We're in New York. Lil : You're kidding. [Pause] Lil : Well, New York, Chicago, to a girl on her own, it's all the same. Movie Title: Taxi (1978) as Elaine Nardo: [filling out a form] "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Eyes... Elaine Nardo : No, don't put two. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Oh, they mean color, don't they? Elaine Nardo : Poor Emily. It's so sad that she mixed drugs and alcohol and spent the night with you... when most people only die. Elaine Nardo : Dress is optional... He means how we dress, not if we dress, right? Alex Rieger : No, I don't think so. Elaine Nardo : Why? Alex Rieger : [showing Elaine his invitation] Yours is the only one that says that. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Yeah, I did some drugs, though probably not as many as you think. How many drugs do you think I did? Elaine Nardo : A lot. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Wow! Right on the nose! Elaine Nardo : [Louie has just admitted his mother needs an operation] What's wrong with her? Louie De Palma : Female problems, she's starting not to look like one. Movie Title: Noises Off... (1992) as Belinda: Lloyd Fellowes : I've started to know what God felt like when he sat out there in the darkness, creating the world. Belinda : And what did he feel like, Lloyd my dear? Lloyd Fellowes : Very pleased he'd taken his valium. Selsdon : What's next on the bill? Lloyd Fellowes : Well, Selsdon, I thought we'd try a spot of rehearsal. Selsdon : Oh, I won't, thank you. Lloyd Fellowes : You won't? Selsdon : No, you all go ahead. I'll just sit and watch. This is... beer in the wardrobe, is it? Belinda : No, my dear, he wants us to rehearse. Selsdon : Yes, but I think we've got to rehearse, haven't we? Lloyd Fellowes : Yes, Selsdon. Right. Well done. I knew you'd think of something. [looking for Selsdon] Belinda : You don't think he's...? Freddy: Oh, he wouldn't! Not during a rehearsal! Dotty : Given half a chance, he would! Brooke : Would what? Lloyd, Freddy, and Dotty: [Gesturing drink in hand] Glck! Glck! Glck! Belinda : Ooh, that'll make Lloyd choke on his Gummi Bears... Frederick Dallas : Alright, I see all that. Lloyd Fellowes : Oh no. Frederick Dallas : I just don't know why I take them. Lloyd Fellowes : Freddy love, why does anyone do anything? Why does that other idiot go out of the front door holding two plates of sardines? I mean, I'm not getting at you, love. Gary : Of course not, Lloyd. I mean, why do I? Jesus, when you come to think about it, why *do* I? Lloyd Fellowes : Who knows? Gary : Who knows. You see, Freddy? Lloyd Fellowes : The wellsprings of human action are deep and cloudy. Maybe something happened to you when you were a very, very, very small child that made you frightened to let go of groceries. Belinda : Or it could be genetic. Gary : Yes, or it could be... you know. Lloyd Fellowes : Could-could well be. Frederick Dallas : Of course, thank you. I understand all that, but - Lloyd Fellowes : Freddy love, I'm telling you I don't know. I-I don't think the *author* knows. I don't know why the author came into this industry in the first place. I don't know why any of us came into it. Frederick Dallas : All the same, if you could just give me a reason I could keep in my mind. Lloyd Fellowes : Alright, I'll give you a reason then. You carry those groceries into the study, Freddy honey, because it's just slightly after midnight, and we're not going to be finished before we open tomorrow night - Correction. Before we open TONIGHT! |
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