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 Steve Oedekerk Quotation"I can't get the *Genie* back in there!" "You're too fat. You need to lose weight!" Movie Title: Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002) as The Chosen One / Chosen One / Chosen one: The Chosen One : You have helped me reach the next level. And here I was starting to think you were just a sadistic psycho bitch. The Chosen One : Look Ling, those curly q's on your face make me so hot I can't think straight. Ling : But Chosen One, I'd like to help you, but I, I, I, I, I , I, I just can't. I won't! WEE-OOH, WEE-OOH! Chosen One : He wasn't at the restaraunt, do you know where he is? Ling : No, I won't tell. Stay, stay and live, live a life with me. WEE-OOH! Chosen One : Look Ling, those curly qs in your hair make me so hot I can't think straight! Ling : you'll never make it. Never make it. Never make it. Never make it, never. Don't you see you can't make it? [Chosen One grabs her shoulders and is clearly swearing] Chosen one : [calmly] I implore you to reconsider. Ling : Hmmmmm, OK. The Chosen One : I'll take a pound of nuts. Shop Keeper: That's a lot of nuts. Ling : Please, stop. Wimp Lo sucks as a fighter, a child could beat him. The Chosen One : Well, I'm gonna count to three, and if I hear one more friggin' squeak, I'm gonna take his shoes, and shove em' up his... The Chosen One : Killing is wrong. And bad. There should be a new, stronger word for killing. Like badwrong, or badong. Yes, killing is badong. From this moment, I will stand for the opposite of killing: gnodab. Wimp Lo : Take a close look. 'Cause I rule, baby. The Chosen One : And who do you rule, the large-dark-nipple people? [Chosen One kicks Wimp-Lo in the face. Wimp-Lo does a pose] Wimp Lo : Ha! Face to foot style, how do you like it? Chosen One : I'm sure on some planet your style is impressive, but your weak link is: this is Earth. Wimp Lo : Oh yeah? Then try my nuts to your fist style! The Chosen One : But that would just look stupid and leave my small, sensitive balls exposed. Master Tang : I remember a long time ago, when a friend told me there would be a chosen one. [Flashback to a younger Tang talking to Master Doe] Master Doe : There will be a chosen one. Master Tang : He then told me of the significance. [Flashback] Master Doe : It will be significant. Master Tang : And then he killed the dog. [Flashback, Master Doe closes his eyes, we hear a fart then a dog whimper] Chosen One : I now officially know too much. Chosen One : But, isn't Betty a girls name? Chosen One : They're from France. Betty: That's right, stinky pits and all baby. The Chosen One : His powers are greater then mine Mushoofasa: Yes, plus when you got hit with his iron claw you DID scream like a wussy. Master Tang : [who is dying] Chosen one, do I look alright. Chosen One : Yeah... sure. Master Tang : On a scale of one to ten? Chosen One : Hmmm, one. Master Tang : Listen, and listen well. I really like the band N-Sync. My favorite member is Harpo. I think there's a Harpo. If not there should be. I will write their next hit, maybe 'A boom-boom chiky chiky boom-boom a boom-boom chiky chaka chaka cho cho' By the way, you must beware of Betty's iron claw. They are sharp, and they hurt. And beware his song about big butts, he beats up while he plays it! Movie Title: High Strung (1994) as Thane Furrows: Thane Furrows : Relationships? They shouldn't even call them relationships. They should have a more descriptive name: Painland. Thane Furrows : Smokers. There's no excuse for smoking. Smoking is the equivalent to carrying around a salt lick, laced with a little bit of cyanide. Thane Furrows : I'd rather...be....DEAD!! Thane Furrows : [About breakfast cereal] It's really amazing, you know, no matter how little milk you pour on the bowl, there's always some left at the end, so you have to pour more cereal or slurp the milk like you're some kind of a dog, I won't take it, I'd rather be dead! Thane Furrows : I was in Las Vegas, don't ask why. When I got pulled over by a cop for making a right-hand turn on a redlight. Prostitution is legal in Las Vegas, but I made the terrible mistake of doing a right-hand turn on a red light. I could've been having sex, on the hood of the car, in the middle of the intersection, no problem. I could probably avoid the ticket by telling the cop I was a pimp and was out for a late night collection, but then she would've asked to see my hat and I would've been in trouble. [They are discussing the talk Thane had with Melony] Al : Come on, I pay you fifteen bucks to tell me what else you said to her. Thane Furrows : OK, I told her, to take Happy the Clam, and shove it up her ass. Al : Oh My God! Thane Furrows : [After seeing a Man on the telephone] There's a guy on the phone, OK, no problem, there's a guy on the phone. Thane Furrows : Damn, I'm glad I was just in grade school. Movie Title: Thumb Wars (1999) as Loke Groundrunner: Hand Duet : All right, you thumbs, listen up. A one-armed man killed my wife Sabrina, a working girl. And now I'm a fugitive and in clear and present danger. I should be presumed innocent, but they're playing patriot games with me; Raiders, regarding Henry, Blade Runner and Air Force One. Loke Groundrunner : Could you repeat that? Black Helmet Man: Loke, I am your mother! Loke Groundrunner : No! Black Helmet Man: Mama's gonna teach you some manners! Oobedoob Benubi : I am Oobedoob Benubi. I have the silliest name in the galaxy. Loke Groundrunner : What's your middle-name? Oobedoob Benubi : Scooby-Dooby. Loke Groundrunner : Oobedoob Scooby-Dooby Benubi? Oobedoob Benubi : One and the same. Loke Groundrunner : Crying is for babies, little girls, and men who just had their ears ripped off. Oobedoob Benubi : Come now, touch your tongue to mine. Loke Groundrunner : What? Oobedoob Benubi : Your tongue - touch it to mine. Loke Groundrunner : Why? Oobedoob Benubi : To make it official! Loke Groundrunner : To make what official? Oobedoob Benubi : You know, ALL OF IT! Loke Groundrunner : I will go with you and fight! Oobedoob Benubi : Oh, big sacrifice; everyone you knew is dead! Glad you could tear yourself away! Loke Groundrunner : I've got three FIST fighters coming from my left! Annoying Pilot: Copy, Stray Dog! Loke Groundrunner : I, I don't think I'm Stray Dog. Annoying Pilot: Copy that, Red Rooster! Loke Groundrunner : I, I don't think I'm Red Rooster either. Annoying Pilot: No problem, Nasty Butler! Loke Groundrunner : I'm ending this transmission. Aunt Gonna Biteit: I must say, you're becoming a fine specimen of a man, Loke Groundrunner. Loke Groundrunner : Well alot of good that does me here. I wanna join the Thumbellion Resistance, be of use to someone. Uncle Soon Dead: Well you're plenty useful here, Loke. The harvest is coming soon and... and you'll be getting help. I just bought some new droids from the freaky little hooded dudes. The tall one is annoying and effemininate. And I think the little one has an amputee inside! Loke Groundrunner : [whiny voice] Harvest, harvest, harvest! That's all you ever care about! You don't care about me. I wanna see the universe! [squealing] Loke Groundrunner : YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM INSIDE! YOU NEVER HAVE! I'M GONNA RUN AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK EVER! [storms out crying] Uncle Soon Dead: Whoo! What a whiner that kid is. |
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