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    Robert Smigel Quotation






    Movie Title: It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie (2002) as Triumph the Insult Comic Dog:



    Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : Kermit, your show has always been my favorite.
    Kermit : You really mean that?
    Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : FOR ME TO POOP ON.

    Movie Title: Little Nicky (2000) as Mr. Beefy:



    Mr. Beefy : You changed a Coke into a Pepsi?


    Mr. Beefy : You love acting, I love pissing.


    Mr. Beefy : Yeah I had a weak back... about a week back! Ahahahaha!





    Movie Title: Punch-Drunk Love (2002) as Walter:



    Barry : I wanted to ask you something because you're a doctor... I don't like myself sometimes. Can you help me?
    Walter : Barry, I'm a dentist. What kind of help do you think I could give you?





    Movie Title: Late Night with Conan O'Brien (1993) as Lips of Donald Rumsfeld / Triumph The Insult Comic Dog:



    Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : I think Eminem should take relax a little. I mean, my mom's a bitch too, but I don't sing songs about it.


    Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : I kid, Conan, I kid. You got a good show... For me to poop on.


    Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : [referring to Simon Cowell] I always wondered what would happen if you blow-dried the "Weakest Link" chick and cut off her nuts.


    Lips of Donald Rumsfeld : Consider yourself fisted by freedom!


    Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : What liquid was Han Solo frozen in? Star Wars Fans: Carbonite!
    Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : No, the answer is: Who gives a crap.





    Movie Title: Saturday Night Live:
    The Best of Chris Farley (1998) as Carl Molarski:


    Bob Swerski : Todd was kind enough to show up today even though earlier this week he had yet another heart attack.
    Todd O'Connor : That's okay, Bob, this one's a speculation, I just gotta limit my pork intake to 400 grams a day.
    Carl Molarski : That's tough.
    Todd O'Connor : Yeah well the doc says I got a piece of Polish sausage lodged in the lining of my arc.

       
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