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 Eric Close QuotationMovie Title: Now and Again (1999) as Michael Wiseman: Michael Wiseman : Can I fly? Dr. Theodore Morris : What? Michael Wiseman : Can I fly? You know, like, uh, Superman? Dr. Theodore Morris : Mr. Wiseman, over the past 6 months we've performed a complicated series of operations. I'm tempted to call them transplants, but in truth, there is no "you" to transplant them to. Let's call them operations. In fact, let's agree that you have been the recipient of some of the most sophisticated surgical thinking and practice in the history of medicine. In addition, you have been inoculated with and intravenously fed over 700 highly experimental and, I believe extraordinarily promising hormones, steroids and vaccines that also were developed uniquely for you in this project. Now I mention all that because, and I'm embarrassed to admit it, that in the midst of all those surgeries, all those implant procedures, all the beta trials, tests, failures and successes... it just never occurred to any of us to shove a rocket up your ass. Michael Wiseman : Can we discuss this, please? Guy to guy? Man to man? Science fair project to scientist? Lisa Wiseman : Stop saying my name like you've known me for a million years! And stop acting so familiar! You are completely unfamiliar! In fact, you're crazy! In fact, you're a crazy man walking around asking people to hold his eggs. Screw you! SCREW... YOU! Michael Wiseman : Really? You sure? It's a weekday, you know! Dr. Theodore Morris : You're stronger than any man on the planet. You're faster than any man on the planet and, theoretically at least, if something should happen to you I could, if I had a couple of billion dollars and a new brain build another unit to replace you. Michael Wiseman : Ah, you're just saying that to make me feel better. Michael Wiseman : I'm not what you think I am. Lisa Wiseman : What do you think I think you are? Michael Wiseman : I don't know... but you have to be wondering. Lisa Wiseman : Oh. Well, maybe a year ago, I would have wondered. No, a year ago, I would've known. A year ago, I would've run away... but I have had one of those years where everything that you count on... none of it works out the way that you think that it's going to. None of it... happens the way that you planned. Michael Wiseman : Like what? Lisa Wiseman : Everything. Gravity. So, I look at you, and I-I-I don't know. I-I sense something. I, uh, feel something, uh... familiar. Michael Wiseman : Yep. Nothin' says lovin' like plant life from the oven. Dr. Theodore Morris : Oh, yes. If you sass my Grandma Pearl tomorrow I will personally open up the stitches in the back of your skull and pull whatever's left of your personality out. Do you understand me? Michael Wiseman : I'll make you proud, Doc. Dr. Theodore Morris : You'd better. Michael Wiseman : What are you trying to say? Dr. Theodore Morris : No turkey, no stuffing, no pie. No nooky. Happy Thanksgiving. Michael Wiseman : Well... in the nine months since you gave me the big makeover it's not like I've been around a lot of women. For that matter, in the 45 years before that it's not like I'd been around a lot of women. Dr. Theodore Morris : Mr. Wiseman, she's just here to teach you. Nothing more. Michael Wiseman : I... I just... I have this instinct. It's the way she looks at me -- this thing that's supposed to be me. No one's ever looked at me like that -- not even when I was 26. I guess I'm just afraid that something might happen. Dr. Theodore Morris : Hmm. There's a word for that fear. It's called narcissism. Dr. Theodore Morris : You are truly unbelievable. Michael Wiseman : Well, thank you. I've always found myself kind of remarkable. You know, I've known me all my life and I, for one, can barely tear myself away from me. Hell, I'm damn near inseparable. Michael Wiseman : We here at Superheroes Anonymous realize you have a choice in law enforcement and we're grateful you chose us. Dr. Theodore Morris : I think the other Superfriends can handle things from here. Michael Wiseman : Whatever you say, Commissioner Gordon. The Batcave! 63rd and Madison Avenue... and step on it. [rehearsing a cover story] Michael Wiseman : You heard of my company? Dominatrix-pizza.com? You place your order and then people in leather deliver your food, slap you around if you don't give them a big enough tip. I just made that last part up. We don't have to use it. Dr. Theodore Morris : We're not going to use it. Michael Wiseman : What do you think of pizza-dungeon.com? Dr. Theodore Morris : I don't even want to know. [at a political fund-raiser] Senator Kragen: Well, good to have you here. Now, you wouldn't by chance be considering a sizable donation to the party? Michael Wiseman : Absolutely. A few kegs, maybe some chips. [going through a safe] Michael Wiseman : Let's see... proof that aliens exist... ah... where Hoffa's buried... Hmm. Another Pamela Lee video... where the rest of Hoffa's buried... Michael Wiseman : Something is amiss. I don't smell bacon. Now, isn't there a law in the state of New York where it can't be called breakfast unless there's bacon or sausage or some sort of fried meat? Dr. Theodore Morris : Mr. Wiseman? Why are you staring at the pigeons? Michael Wiseman : I'm jealous. That bread looks awfully good to me. Michael Wiseman : And, by the way, what's a POTUS? What? Dr. Theodore Morris : The "o" stands for "of" and the "t" stands for "the." Michael Wiseman : Thank you, Vanna. I'd like to buy a vowel now. Dr. Theodore Morris : "President of the United States." Michael Wiseman : What about him? Dr. Theodore Morris : POTUS. Michael Wiseman : That's who you're going to see? Dr. Theodore Morris : Yes. And I need you to stay right here on this bench until I get back. Dr. Theodore Morris : I know you kissed her that day down in the subway. Michael Wiseman : Yeah, so? She's my wife. Dr. Theodore Morris : Not anymore, Mr. Wiseman. Not anymore. Michael Wiseman : What are you trying to say? Dr. Theodore Morris : No turkey. No stuffing. No pie. No nooky. Happy Thanksgiving. Dr. Theodore Morris : Mr. Wiseman? Why are you staring at the pigeons? Michael Wiseman : I'm jealous. That bread looks awfully good to me. Movie Title: Without a Trace (2002) as Martin: Martin : I think he's sleeping with her. The way he talks about her and she's climbing that corporate ladder pretty quick. Jack : He may be in love with her, but he's not sleeping with her. Never even thought about it. [Martin looks quizzically at Jack] Jack : He's gay. Martin : What, because he called her a "fireball"? Jack : No... 'cause he was checking you out. Jack : According to the groom, she was an angel. Martin : I guess love is blind. And deaf. And very, very dumb. Jack : Spoken like a true romantic. Martin : You still believe in that? Jack : Yeah, marriage, kids, the whole nine yards. [Martin looks at him] Jack : I didn't say I was good at it, but I'm a huge fan. Samantha : Hey, you think it's easy being surrounded by guys with guns all day? Martin : I thought you liked guys with guns. Samantha : I like the guns. Jack : I was surprised that your father didn't call me about you. Martin : I asked him to stay out of it. I don't want any preferential treatment. Jack : Good, 'cause you're not getting any. Jack : Everybody's skeptical of you white-collar guys. Martin : Yeah, I've noticed. Vivian : Where's she going? Danny : Maybe it's a booty call. Samantha : Your mind is always in the gutter. There was no call. Danny : Tom Wilkins, 11:48. Martin : In my experience, there's usually not a three-hour lag between the call and the, uh... [clears his throat] Martin : delivery. Martin : [after breaking protocol on a case] How long does it take to get out of his dog house? Danny : Depends on the dog. Samantha : Don't mind Danny. He's just, uh, marking his territory. [Jack and Martin are chasing a suspect. Martin tackles suspect into a lake] Jack : Where'd you learn that? White Collar? Martin : Sixth grade swim class. Jack : I was gaining on him, ya know? Martin : Sorry about that. [In reference to the "lake" incident] Samantha : Heard you got a little wet. Martin : Beats sweating my ass off in the doghouse. [Martin is talking to a homeless woman with an ice cream cone] Wilma : Want a bite? It's got jimmies. Martin : Uh, no, I'm lactose intolerant, but thanks. So, you were saying? [Going through a missing person's apartment] Danny : Tired of Queens? Here's what eighteen hundred gets in the city. Martin : Aw, come on, they can't all be like this. Danny : You're right. Most of the time, the bathtub's in the kitchen. [Talking with a missing person's boss] Martin : Mmm. And she didn't seem bothered or distracted in any way? Manager: No more than usual. After you stand on your feet for six hours getting hit on by every guy who pretends to buy bath gel for his girlfriend, you'd be a little bothered. Martin : I didn't think we were that obvious. [Martin and Danny are placing bets on a suspect] Danny : My money's on Goren Davic - the modeling guy. A: He used to run after-hours clubs in Brooklyn. B: NYPD has their eye on him... Martin : ...and C: You don't like him. Danny : I was just getting to C. [Waiting to interview a missing person's mother] Samantha : I know this house. Martin : It's a long way from New York, that's for sure. Samantha : Girls with dreams have been running away from this house for a hundred years. [Surveying a suspect's house] Danny : I think I heard something inside. Listen. Martin : You think you heard, or you did hear? [The suspect is heading home and Jack is trying to warn Martin and Danny] Jack : Spaulding's on his way back. Get out of there. Martin : Danny's in the house. Jack : What the hell... what are you guys doing? Martin : He thought he heard something. [Danny is still in the house when the suspect returns home. Martin is calling his radio to try and warn him] Martin : Did you hear me? Danny : Yeah, I heard you. Martin : You get something good? Danny : [puts on sunglasses] Oh, yeah. [Danny and Martin are back from California] Danny : A plane is not supposed to be in the sky. It's not natural. Martin : Neither was that flight attendant and you weren't afraid of her. [A girl goes missing in a small town] Vivian : What's so fascinating? Martin : Oh, it's nothing. I was just... this town, it seems so innocent, you know? Vivian : Just wait till we're done with them. [About the mayor of a small town] Jack : Must be the town snitch. Martin : Well, he is a politician. [After an interrogation, where Danny got physical with a suspect] Martin : What the hell was that? Danny : A little improvisation. Martin : It was stupid is what it was. [About an Arabic doctor who disappears] Jack : You notice how he went from respected doctor to suspected terrorist in the space of a five-minute conversation? Martin : I guess that's the world we live in. Jack : I guess. [Looking through a messy apartment] Martin : Hmm, very functional. Samantha : Reminds me of a dorm room at Quantico. Martin : Good ol' Club Quantico. [Going through the missing doctor's med books] Samantha : Neurology, toxicology, virology. Martin : The study of viruses. Samantha : Well, that's not odd, considering he's a doctor. Martin : Here's some light reading: "Dirty Democracy". "How the U.S. Sends Its Blasphemers to Death", "Why Terrorists Keep Picking on the U.S.", "How the U.S. Has Perverted Dozens of Foreign Elections" and much, much more. Samantha : All by Colin Blume. From Boston. Martin : A bit inflammatory, no? Samantha : Last time I checked we still had freedom of the press. Martin : Look, I'm not condoning censorship but we've got a profile. Samantha : Yeah, of a Saudi Arabian Doctor. That's all we have. Martin : Look, profiles aren't flawless but they exist for a reason. I mean, come on, we use them every day. [Sam picks up another book] Samantha : Oh, look, Pediatrics. Maybe he's a pedophile too. Martin : Was that obstruction? Jack : No. That was frustration. Martin : Sam, I want to show you something. Samantha : It's "Samantha". Nobody calls me "Sam". Martin : Jack calls you "Sam" all the time. Samantha : Well, Jack's the boss. In case you hadn't noticed. Martin : Why do I get the feeling that you're profiling me? Ambitious, white male willing to do anything to get ahead including show up his coworkers and disrespect his boss. Samantha : And potentially ruin an innocent man's life. Martin : With the evidence that we have now, you would have to bend over backwards to make this guy innocent. Samantha : Innocent until proven guilty. That's how it goes right? Martin : How do you know the father took her? Maybe they were kidnapped. Maybe he was killed and then she was taken. Samantha : Even a psychotic pedophile is unlikely to target a girl traveling with an adult male. Martin : So without any evidence to suggest this guy was dirty you assume, this is a custody thing or incest. Jack : Careful, Martin, she's got a thing about men. [The missing father was having an affair] Samantha : Another woman. Martin : So says busybody. Samantha : And you believe the trusted car thief? One minute he doesn't know anything about his boss the next, he's crying into his soup about what a Quaker the guy is. Vivian : Morning, sunshine. Martin : Oh, give me a break. I've been at the hospital for the last eight hours. [Checking hospital records] Vivian : Anything turn up? Martin : Oh, yeah. 23 nurses, 14 doctors, 12 orderlies and a partridge in a pear tree. [Reviewing security tapes of a hospital] Danny : We have doctor, man in a wheelchair, pregnant woman that's not her... a fat guy in a robe, a nurse... Martin : Is it important that you narrate? Danny : You know, I'm sorry, I forgot... you can't think and listen at the same time, and... Martin : That's pretty good for someone who can't think without speaking. This is one big hospital. Danny : You'd rather be in the field, right? Martin : Always. [Bringing in chinese take-out] Danny : Yo, this stinks. Martin : Yeah, just the way I like it. Thanks. Danny : I don't know how you eat that crap in the morning. It's gross. Martin : Oh, come on - protein, carbs, dairy... three of the four food groups. It's good. You want some? [About Chet Collins removing money from his bank account] Martin : Yeah... or could be drugs. Jack : [immediately] It's not drugs. Samantha : It's happened to better men than Chet, Jack. Men who've had it a lot easier. Jack : Not this man. Move on. [going through Sean Collins files] Danny : Okay, here we go. [puts the boxes down on the table] Danny : Sean Collins, six and a half years worth of dead ends. Samantha : This is only half of it. Martin : And we're looking for what? Danny : That's the fun part. We don't know. [Going through missing flight attendant's room] Martin : Mmm, she's in AA. One day at a time. So, what do you think about that? Samantha : Turning everything over to a higher power? Hey, like John Lennon says, "Whatever gets you through the night." [Eric Keller and Sam going undercover, Martin and Danny are watching from across the room] Martin : Is there something going on between those two? Danny : Used to be. Martin : Really? That's her type, huh? Danny : Hey, are you jealous? Martin : Jealous? What, are you crazy? Danny : Okay. Guess I'm crazy. Martin : [smiles and shakes his head] Yeah. Martin : Samantha... you, uh, you got time to grab a drink? Samantha : Oh, I've... I-I told Keller I'd meet him. But, I mean, you're welcome to come with us if... Martin : No, no, that's all right. No, you guys go ahead. Thanks. Samantha : Okay, well, maybe some other time? Martin : Yeah, some other time. [About a big wedding] Jack : Very good. The society page says this is the first big event of the season. Martin : You read the society page, huh? Jack : Uh-huh. Right after I read the obits. [Tricking a suspect's roomie to let them in the apartment] Jack : Does that look like a water pipe to you, Agent Fitzgerald? Martin : Oh... certainly looks like one. [Martin reading a psychology manuscript] Vivian : "Acute stress disorder." Job getting to you? Martin : Oh, you noticed. Actually, I'm trying to keep up with Jack and Danny. [About Claire's ex-boyfriend] Martin : Slacker to the rescue. Vivian : Boy rescues girl from mental institution. It's a practically a teen legend. Martin : Hey, don't forget the evil father. It's classic. Vivian : So, he takes her back to the loft, she changes her clothes, but then what? Martin : Well, Springsteen song - they're halfway to California. [Picking up a call from Jack or Danny] Martin : [into phone] This Freud or Jung? [Martin's dad is some head-honcho in the government] Victor Fitzgerald : [to Jack] So, how's my boy doing? They giving him a hard time because of his old man? Jack : Well, I don't know. Are we? Martin : Constantly. [After Jack has had an argument with Victor Fitzgerald] Jack : Didn't even wait for me to say, "yes, sir." Martin : He never does. [Heading in to interrogate a suspect/congressman] Martin : Sure you don't want to wait for my father? Jack : I left word at his office. Martin : [dryly] It's a shame we missed him. [Martin sees his dad heading for Jack's office] Martin : Oh, great. Danny : What? Martin : Hold on to your hat. [Going through a missing reporter's' apartment] Martin : Well, she's not going to win any happy homemaker awards. [About Eric Keller and his leads] Martin : You and, uh, "Delia" - fuzzy boundaries. Samantha : Well, that's how I like my relationships - nice and complicated. [Walking up to a missing teacher's apartment] Danny : This is three. Just two more to go. Martin : Oh! Why is it that no one in a walkup ever lives on the first two floors? Danny : Vampires. Martin : Really? Danny : Yeah, they have all the lower apartments all to themselves. Martin : No direct sunlight, right? Danny : Exactly. Plus, they live to be 106 years old, so the apartments never turn around. Martin : Oh, that's good to know. [Reading a plaque the teacher- Josh Abrams won] Martin : "Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity." There's some pressure for you. [To Mace Williams drug supplier] Martin : All right, then... is it Mr. Blue or Mr. Panda? Blue Panda : It's Mr. Jackson to you. Danny : As in Michael? Or Stonewall? [sits across from Blue Panda] Danny : See, if I were you, I'd pick Michael, because singing works a lot better than silence around here. Blue Panda : Yeah, real funny. You make that up all by yourself? [After talking to a real-estate agent] Vivian : Buying a dream house, talking about starting a family... Doesn't sound like a guy who was planning to run. Martin : Want to know the part I heard? This guy felt trapped by his life, and he wanted a clean start. Vivian : You sound pretty convinced. Martin : Just speaking from experience. [After tracking down the missing boxer] Martin : Did what we had to do. Vivian : Doesn't mean it feels good. Martin : Yeah, no kidding. What are you going to tell Reggie? Vivian : What he needs to know. "Dante Jones is a great boxer." [Martin gives Sam a long to-do list] Samantha : I thought you said one thing. Martin : Yeah, but this is you. [At a point where everyone thinks they've lost their jobs] Danny : Good luck, man. Martin : Thanks. Danny : Martin... [Martin turns around] Danny : When this is all over, and you and I are looking for our next gig, I just want you to know that I-I think we make a hell of a team. Martin : What, selling shoes? Danny : [amused] Shoes, boots, pumps, whatever. Martin : Sounds good to me. [About a guy kidnapping an executive in the middle of a busy office building] Danny : This guy's either a criminal genius, or a complete moron. Martin : 'Lucky' moron, so far. [Sydney is the reason Barry's wife died in 9-11] Jack : Yeah, I have a feeling that as long as his wife was dead and Sydney is alive, it was never going to be enough. Martin : You know, if this guy did kill Sydney, he's not going to have too much regret about Samantha. I mean, she's just another person who betrayed him. [The SWAT Team has just retrieved Richard from the bookstore] Richard : What the hell did you handcuff me for? Jack : Standard procedure. For all we know, you could've been an accomplice. We had to check you out. Richard : W-wait, you're investigating me? While I've been doing the whole time trying to stop the guy? Martin : And you got one of our agents shot because of it. Richard : [defensively] Well, maybe, if you guys weren't sitting around here with your thumbs up your asses, we wouldn't have to be in there trying to take the fight... Martin : Why don't you just settle down, all right? Jack : Do me a favor? Just tell me how she is. Richard : [quietly] She's bleeding all over the place. She's going to die in there. Jack : [quietly] Grab that. [Martin takes the gun] Martin : What are you doing? [Hands Martin his wallet] Jack : Hold down the fort. Martin : Are you coming? Samantha : Hold your horses. [Sam slowly pulls herself out the car] Martin : Physical therapy going pretty well, huh? Samantha : Do yourself a favor, don't get shot. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Martin : I'll try my best. [Staking out the father of two 'kidnappers'] Martin : Doesn't look like he needs any more money. He's probably just protecting his kids. Samantha : Yeah, remind me not to have any. Martin : They don't all turn out to be psychopathic kidnappers, you know. Samantha : Let me guess - 2.2, white picket fence, golden retriever. Martin : Yeah, maybe. Something like that. Samantha : Not for me. Not in this world. [Sam has been put on leave after the shooting] Martin : Hey, what are you doing here? Samantha : I forgot something. [pauses] Samantha : The kids are all right? Martin : That's what Roger Daltry says. Samantha : [smiles] Right. Yeah. Martin : Get some sleep, will you? Samantha : Yeah, I just got to... find the thing that I forgot... before. Martin : Right. Samantha : Yeah. Martin : Okay. Samantha : Goodnight. Martin : G'Night. [Martin starts to head for the door] Samantha : Martin? [Martin stops and turns around] Samantha : You know how you said we should get a drink sometime? Martin : Yeah? Samantha : I could really use a drink. Martin : Well... nothing worse than a beautiful woman drinking alone. [discussing suspects based on a profile] Martin : Well, the husband's a lawyer. They usually have above average intelligence - sort of. [Going through a suspect's apartment] Martin : This guy's an ex-con. Danny : What? [Holds up a beaded box] Martin : Prison art. Danny : What, did you do a nickel at pelican bay? 'Cause if you did, I'm going to be a whole lot nicer to you. Martin : Nah, actually I did an internship at a state prison, taught accounting. And I received several of these lovely cigarette box knickknack holders as thank-you gifts. [about the fiancé of a missing girl] Jack : Smells like a brewery in here. Martin : Yeah, you noticed? Danny : What, is he still drunk? Martin : Nah, he's just fairly hung over. [Martin is confronting an ex-con he used to work with] Martin : Are you any better with names like Dennis Ricci or Timothy Deleia? You were both. Lucas Vohland : Is this your girlfriend? Samantha : I'm his partner. Lucas Vohland : You're a lot better-looking than his last one. [about missing con-artist] Martin : It doesn't seem like you kill somebody for ripping you off on a painting. Samantha : Certainly not those people. They'd probably just refill your iced tea. You know, it sounds more to me like Whitney knew she was going to get caught, and she ran. I'm driving. [Sam's cell goes off] Martin : No, I've seen you drive. Samantha : I'm driving. Martin : Oh, where's the airbag? Samantha : [into phone] Hello? Oh, yeah, look, I'm really sorry about that. I kind of got busy. Yeah, Thursday at seven sounds great. Okay, I'll see you then. Martin : Hot date? Samantha : Yeah, with my federally funded therapist. [phone call with Martin] Jack : How's Sam? Martin : She could use a few driving lessons, but, uh, other than that, she's all right. The sunshine treats her well. Jack : Keep me posted. [about missing fiancée] Samantha : So, she's on her way back right now and start her new life? Martin : Yeah. Samantha : I'd hold off buying a wedding present. [about a home invasion] Martin : Woman came home, found him kicked back on the sofa with a bag of cheese balls, watching SportsCenter. Samantha : At least it wasn't porn. Suspect: You think I whacked Cooper? Martin : You know what I think? I think you're the kind of guy who uses the word "whacked". Movie Title: The Magnificent Seven (1998) as Vin: Vin : It looks like a few more than we planned on. JD: How many more? Vin : The word regiment mean anything to you? Chris : Would you like to come back when there are less of them? Buck : What happened? Ezra : Long story. Vin : Where's Chris? Buck : With the gang, on his way to rob the bank. Nathan : What? Buck : Long story. Vin : How's your spanish? Chris : No bueno. Yours? Vin : What's no bueno mean? |
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