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 Jonathan Silverman QuotationMovie Title: The Odd Couple II (1998) as Brucey Madison: Brucey Madison : Mom was married three times. You were married one time, and then never again for thirty years. Hers were too many, yours were not enough. So, tell me, what is wrong with it? What is it about marriage that frightens everybody so much? Oscar Madison : I don't know, Brucey. It's like baseball, either you can play or you can't play. Your mother could play, I couldn't play. Trouble with your mother was she kept getting traded all the time. Oscar Madison : I know I haven't been there a lot for you, Brucey, but this is the best advice I'll ever give you, not getting married today is the right thing for you to do. Brucey Madison : Maybe it's right for you, it's wrong for me! You tell everybody I'm getting dressed. Oscar Madison : Thank God you said that. I wasn't sure how long I could keep on talking like an asshole. Brucey Madison : You thinking about moving out here, Pop? Oscar Madison : To where? Santa Yosinta-Malienta-Poliguenta? I'm not gonna learn another language just to find my way home at night. Movie Title: Brighton Beach Memoirs (1986) as Eugene: Kate : How many times have I told you not to leave your things around the house? Eugene : A hundred and nine. Kate : What would you tell your father if he came home and I was dead on the kitchen floor? Eugene : "Don't go in the kitchen, Pa"? Stanley : I got fired today! Eugene : Fired? You mean for good? Stanley : You don't get fired temporarily. It's a permanent lifetime firing. Stanley : How horny can you get? Eugene : I don't know. What's the highest score? Kate : I need bread. Eugene : What? Kate : I don't have enough bread. Run over to Greenblatt's and get me a fresh rye bread. Eugene : Again? I just came back from Grennblatt's. Kate : So You'll go again. Eugene : I'm always going to the store. When I grow up, that's all I'll be trained to do, go to the store. Kate : You don't want to go?... Never mind, I'll go. Eugene : Don't do that! Don't make me feel guilty. I'll go. Kate : And get a quarter of a pound of butter. Eugene : I bought a quarter pound of butter this morning. Why don't you buy a half pound at a time? Kate : And suppose the house burned down this afternoon? Why do I need an extra quarter pound of butter? Eugene : If my mom taught logic in high school, this would be some weird country. [Eugene is explaining his intense desire to play for the Yankees] Eugene : I'll never make it with the Yankees. All the great Yankees are Italian. My mother makes spaghetti with ketchup - what chance do I have? Eugene : It was a tense moment for everybody. I love tense moments. Especially when I'm not the one they're all tense about. Eugene : She saw me on the crapper! Nora saw me on the crapper! [Eugene has just seen his first picture of a nude woman.] Eugene : I have seen the Golden Palace Of The Himalayas. Puberty is OVER! Onward and upward! Movie Title: Two Guys Talkin' About Girls (1995) as Lenny: Lenny : So, who were you in bed with this time? Joey : Cindy. Lenny : Cindy?! I thought Cindy moved back to Atlanta. Joey : No, that was Cindy 3. Lenny : What, are you dating Cindy 2 again? [Joey holds up four fingers] Lenny : Cindy 4?! Oh, that's great. I guess with one more you get a free toaster? [Lenny has just met a new girl whom he likes] Lenny : I just don't want to screw this one up. Joey : Don't worry, it happens all by itself. [Lenny just fell in love again and is discussing it with his best friend Joey] Lenny : Aw, Joe, this girl's so sweet I could eat her for lunch. I, I'd give her the moon if I could-- [Joey mumbles.] Lenny : What? Joey : PEDESTAL ALERT! Lenny : Pedestal? We're talkin' friggin' skyscrapers here! Movie Title: Weekend at Bernie's II (1993) as Richard Parker: Richard Parker : Why would you need to guard a dead man stuck in a two foot refrigerator? Richard Parker : Stealing shoes off a dead man. Oh, we're going to hell. [Watching Charles and Henry stealing Bernie] Richard Parker : What kind of idiots would steal a dead body? Larry Wilson : We did! Movie Title: The Single Guy (1995) as Jonathan Eliot: [Jonathan is writing a kid-friendly sermon for a priest] Jonathan Eliot : I'm a Mighty Morphin' Power Prophet. Marie Blake : I married that idiot, Ricky. I walked out on that idiot, Ricky. And I've had DATES WITH NOTHING BUT IDIOTS EVER SINCE. Jonathan Eliot : That's not true, Marie. Marie Blake : Oh yes, it is. On Halloween, I had a one-night-stand with a hunchback. WHAT IS THAT? Russell : I can't wait to see what this fool tips me today. Jonathan Eliot : This guy's tipped you before, Russ? Russell : Mm-hmm. The guy orders a bowl of soup and leaves a hundred dollar tip. What's up with that? Trudy Sloan : [exchanges glances with Marie] Your boyfriend's rich. Marie Blake : [nods her head] Cute. Sam Sloan : You two look real good together. Jonathan Eliot : Go for it, lamb chop! Movie Title: Weekend at Bernie's (1989) as Richard Parker: Richard Parker : Well, you're a half hour late. Larry Wilson : Only half hour? I'm usually forty-five minutes late. I'm early today. Richard Parker : This is the note. Listen. "Richard Parker and I stole this money from the company to pay for my sex-change operation." Larry Wilson : What? Richard Parker : That's what it says. Larry Wilson : "Now he tells me he loves someone else. I can't live with that, and niether will he." It's got my name written on it! Richard Parker : Oh God. Larry Wilson : Son of a bitch. I mean, it's not bad enough that he's trying to kill me. Now he's trying to turn me into a drag queen. Why couldn't he have said you were going to have the operation? Richard Parker : It doesn't matter, Larry, it doesn't matter. Larry Wilson : Oh, yes it does matter, Richard, it does matter. I have a reputation to protect here! Richard Parker : For Christ's sake, Larry! No one is going to have a sex-change operation, huh? Larry Wilson : Oh yeah. I've gotta call the cops! Larry Wilson : God, that guy; beautiful apartment, house at the beach, babes, boat, car. Do you know how much it costs to park a car in Manhattan every month? More than my rent. Richard Parker : Well, I mean it's only fair. His car is a bit bigger than your apartment. Larry Wilson : God, that guy; beautiful apartment, house at the beach, babes, boat, car. Do you know how much it costs to park a car in Manhattan every month? More than my rent. Richard Parker : Well, I mean it's only fair. His car is a bit bigger than your apartment. Larry Wilson : You're gonna need my apartment. Richard Parker : Oh no, I couldn't do that to you. Larry Wilson : Rich, if she finds out you live with your parents you're gonna embarras yourself. Richard Parker : Yeah I know. But still, I just... couldn't. Larry Wilson : It's the coackroaches isn't it? Richard Parker : Well... Larry Wilson : They scatter when the light goes on. Movie Title: Girls Just Want to Have Fun (1985) as Drew: [About a motorcycle.] Janey : Is it safe? Drew : It's the safest thing you'll ever have between your legs. Janey : What? Drew , Jeff : Nothing! [Jeff is pushing Drew's old, corroded, smoking, brown Mercedes until the engine will start up] Drew : You don't understand that this car makes a statement. Jeff : Yeah, it says, 'Hi, I'm garbage.' |
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