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 Harry Morgan QuotationMovie Title: Bend of the River (1952) as Shorty: Shorty : The law won't let you get away with this. Glyn McLyntock : What law? Movie Title: Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) as Mayor / Mayor Ollie Perkins / Mayor Olly Perkins: Mayor Ollie Perkins : I guess you know what you're doing, Sheriff. Jason McCullough : I don't know what I could have said to give you that idea, Mayor. Jason McCullough : [Fingering dented badge] That must have saved the life of whoever was wearin' it. Mayor Olly Perkins : Well, it sure would have, if it hadn't been for all them other bullets flyin' in from everywhere. Mayor : Our last sheriff was a good organizer. Yellow clear through, but a good organizer. Henry Jackson : Now just because we've lost three sheriffs don't mean we're going to lose four. Fred Johnson : Our luck is bound to change. Mayor Olly Perkins : What about his luck? Mayor Olly Perkins : You interested in the job of sheriff? Jason McCullough : Oh, maybe. How much does it pay? Townsman: Well, none of our sheriffs ever lived long enough to find out. Mayor Olly Perkins : You ain't wanted for anything anywhere are you Mr. McCullough. Not that it matters, because we understand how them little things can happen. Mayor Olly Perkins : That must have been some show you put on at the saloon this afternoon. It kind of sobered up the whole town. Jason McCullough: char= Jason McCullough : Gentlemen, do we have a jail here? Mayor Olly Perkins : Do we have a jail? A brand new one with two cells that the whole community pitched in and built last month! Fred Johnson : Just like a barn raising. Henry Jackson : Even the dancehall girls showed up. They made sandwhiches and carried on like crazy. Mayor Olly Perkins : It was designed to be practically escape proof. Jason McCullough : Well, good, because I think I'm going to have to throw a couple in it. Mayor Olly Perkins : There's only one thing. This new jail is sure got everything. Fred Johnson : Even a new stove with a coffee pot already on it. Mayor Olly Perkins : The only thing it hasn't got is iron bars for the cells. Mayor Ollie Perkins : I want you to meet my daughter, Sheriff. She's a good cook, a mighty fine looking girl. Takes after her dear departed mother. Jason McCullough : Mother died, huh? Mayor Ollie Perkins : No, she just departed. Mayor Ollie Perkins : She's a rich little old gal in her own name, Sheriff. The sole owner of Miller Trymore Memorial Mining Company. Jason McCullough : You meanin' whoever marries her gets the mine. Mayor Ollie Perkins : Shaft and all! Movie Title: Strategic Air Command (1955) as Sgt. Bible: Lt. Col. Robert 'Dutch' Holland : You got any kids? Sgt. Bible : Yep, two. One on the ramp, one in the hanger! Movie Title: Dragnet 1967 (1967) as Officer Bill Gannon: [a young couple let their toddler drown in a bathtub while they were stoned] Officer Bill Gannon : After twenty-five years on the job, it's finally happened. Friday : What's that, Bill? Officer Bill Gannon : I'm going to be sick. [hands the bag of marijuana to Friday and runs out of the room] Movie Title: M*A*S*H: Goodbye, Farewell and Amen (1983) as Col. Potter: Col. Potter : Well, I can't call what we went through fun. But I'm sure glad we went through it together. Col. Potter : You two always gave me a laugh when I needed it most. Like the time you pulled down Winchester's drawers in the OR. Of course, I had to pretend I was mad at you, but inside I was laughing to beat all hell. [The war is over, and the company is saying their goodbyes] Col. Potter : Well, Francis, you've been a godsend. Father Mulcahy : Look on the bright side: When they tell us to serve our time in Purgatory, we can say, "No thanks, I've done mine." [Maj. Winchester was being followed by Korean musicians, who in turn just ended their song] Col. Potter : Don't you think a portable radio would be more convenient? Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio: ...Wounded: 250,000. Hawkeye : [operating on a/another wounded soldier] Make that two hundred fifty thousand and one. B.J. : And two. Col. Potter : And three. Maj. Winchester : And four. Klinger: And there's twelve more out in the hall. [Maj. Winchester, in his pajamas, brings several POWs into camp] Col. Potter : Winchester, I think there's definitely a medal for capturing five Chinese in your bathrobe. Movie Title: Support Your Local Gunfighter (1971) as Taylor Barton: Taylor Barton : If I'd know you were going to send this pipsqueak against a man like Swifty Morgan... Colorado : Now look, Mr. Barton, I can't help it... Taylor Barton : Don't take offense, lad. But after all, you've never killed anybody outside of this county. You're just local stuff. Movie Title: High Noon (1952) as Sam Fuller: [to his wife] Sam Fuller : Well, whaddya want? Do you want me to get killed? Do you want to be a widow, is that what you want? Movie Title: The Flight of Dragons (1986) as Carolinus: Carolinus : For as evil is a part of all things, evil is a part of magic. Carolinus : There was time between the waning age of enchantment and the dawning age of logic when dragons flew the skies, free and unencumbered. Look down there Gorbash, my friend. On the top of the earth below us, confusion and chaos reign. All mankind is facing an epic choice: a world of magic or a world of science. Which will it be? Movie Title: M*A*S*H (1972) as Col. Potter: [Col. Potter bids farewell to Hawkeye and B.J] Col. Potter : Well, boys, it would be hard to call what we've been through fun, but I'm sure glad we went through it together. You boys always managed to give me a good laugh, right when I needed it most. Never forget the time you dropped Winchester's drawers in the O.R. 'Course I had to pretend I was mad at you but, inside... [emotionally] Col. Potter : I was laughin' to beat all Hell. Hawkeye : Yeah. I'm laughing just thinking about it. B.J. : I'd LOVE a good laugh like this. Col. Potter : You too young to die, Pierce? Hawkeye : I was hoping to make it to Thursday. [As the surgeons operate on an eight-year-old Korean girl] Col. Potter : Someone dropped a bomb on her building from an airplane. Pilot: Who did it? Hawkeye : He just dropped it. He didn't autograph it. Pilot: Was it one of theirs or one of ours? Hawkeye : What difference does it make? Pilot: A lot. It makes a lot of difference. Col. Potter : Not to her. [After an exhausting shift in the OR] Col. Potter : By the way, what war is this? Hawkeye : The latest war to end all wars. [about Hawkeye and BJ] Col. Potter : Please excuse these two, they're themselves today. Col. Potter : Where's your gun? Hawkeye : Sulking under my cot. We're not at speaking terms. Col. Potter : Go kiss it and make up. You're taking it with you. Hawkeye : Colonel, if I touch that gun, I'll trigger another argument. Col. Potter : Pierce, You're taking your sidearm. Hawkeye : [Holding up each arm in turn] Correct, I'm taking along my right side arm and my left side arm. Hawkeye : If I said the word "sleep" three times to you, I'd put you right under. Col. Potter : Not A chance. Hawkeye : Oh yeah? Watch this. Sleep. Sleeeeeeep. Sleep. [He falls asleep] Hawkeye : I believe my life is about to pass before my eyes. Col. Potter : Let me know when it does. I love a parade. Hawkeye : Even short ones? [both drunk, under fire, in a foxhole] Col. Potter : I said fire that weapon. Hawkeye : All right. [To the gun] Hawkeye : You're fired. [To Potter] Hawkeye : I did it as gently as I could. Col. Potter : That was an order, Pierce. Hawkeye : [Snapping his fingers] Oh waiter, would you take this man's order, please? Col. Potter : The General answers his own phone. Must be a Unitarian. Frank Burns : I love it here. Col. Potter : Either you or Klinger is nuts. Now I have to decide which one. Col. Potter : Would you rather have Burns? Hawkeye : He was more fun to be cruel to. [Col. Potter and Hawkeye are preparing to venture close to enemy territory] Col. Potter : That thing loaded? B.J. : Filled it with water myself. Hawkeye : Watch out, everyone, I shoot to drown. Col. Potter : If Frank Burns makes any more patronizing cracks about my age, I'll take him behind the motor pool and let the air out of his tires. Corporal Klinger : Colonel Potter, sir; Corporal Klinger. I'm section eight, Head to toe. I'm wearing a Warner bra. I like to play with dolls. My last wish is to be buried in my mother's wedding gown. I'm nuts. I should be out. Col. Potter : Horse-hockey. [Hawkeye is the temporary CO] Hawkeye : I don't know how to give orders. Col. Potter : That's all right. No one around here knows how to take 'em. [At Hawkeye's wake] B.J. : For he was a jolly good fellow. Col. Potter : For he was a jolly good fellow. Everyone: For he was a jolly good fellow. Hawkeye : For I was too young to die. [Describing Frank and Hot Lips in a letter to his wife] Col. Potter : She's the head nurse. He's the head twerp. Charles : Sir, my father knows Harry Truman. He doesn't like him, but he knows him. Col. Potter : Fine, you have dad call Harry, then have Harry call me, and then we will work something out. In the mean time, vamoose. Charles : Yes, sir, I am... vamoosing. But know this. You can cut me off from the civilized world. You can incarcerate me with two moronic cellmates. You can torture me with your thrice daily swill, but you cannot break the spirit of a Winchester. My voice shall be heard from this wilderness and I shall be delivered from this fetid and festering sewer. Col. Potter : None of us wants to be here. I don't want to be here. Radar doesn't want to be here. The doctors and nurses don't want to be here. Certainly the wounded don't want to be here. But we've got to do our best. [Radar has just finished demonstrating with his teddy bear to some Korean women how to give birth] Col. Potter : Congratulations, Mrs. O'Reilly, it's a bear. Movie Title: Dragnet (1987) as Captain Gannon: Captain Gannon : Frank won't be coming into work today Joe. Friday : 24 hour virus? Captain Gannon : Or tomorrow. Friday : 48 hour? Captain Gannon : Frank quit, bought a goat farm... [Friday's car was stolen] Friday : With the exception of you and canned cling peaches, I'd find it hard to find anyone or anything that doesn't know you should never leave your car keys in the ignition. Pep Streebeck : It's called a mistake, Friday. But I guess you never make any of those, do you? Captain Gannon : Friday, Streebeck, we've got another one. Chemical train hijack down at the freight yards. Damn Pagans must be living on No-Doz! Friday : Yessir, Captain. We'll roll as soon as we requisition a new... Captain Gannon : Oh, one more thing. Police and fire departments all over the county are reporting vehicles stolen. So keep an eye on your car. Movie Title: The Apple Dumpling Gang (1975) as Sheriff McCoy / Sheriff Homer McCoy / Homer McCoy: Homer McCoy : Welcome to Quake City, Donovan. Looks like luck is against you. Russell Donovan : Well, there's one good thing about luck - it always changes. And I got a feeling mine is just around the corner. Homer McCoy : This court is now in session, the Honorable Homer McCoy presiding. Theodore Ogelvie, Amos Tucker, you're charged with attempted bank robbery. How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? Theodore Oglivie : Not guilty? Homer McCoy : Guilty! Amos Tucker : That was the wrong one. Homer McCoy : This court sentences you to be hung by the neck until dead. And I'm fining you an extra ten bucks for perjury. Let 'em out. [Amos and Ted are let out of the cage] Homer McCoy : Be down at the old oak tree near Boot Hill at twelve o'clock sharp for your hanging. And bring your own rope. Homer McCoy : I've never teamed two more unlikely prospects. You two go together like ice cream and whiskey. But I guess you'd be man and wife same as regular people, and nobody could say different. Homer McCoy : Donovan, this is just a half portion of a town, but we do have certain what you might call rules to live by! You don't jump another man's claim; you don't steal his wife, woman or whiskey; you don't strike a bargain and then entertain second thoughts about the matter. Any one of these offenses could make you the exalted guest of honor at a hemp party. Sheriff Homer McCoy : If you need a haircut, Wintle, my barbershop's closed. If you're lookin' to sue somebody, my court's open every Tuesday. If you want the sheriff, I'm playin' poker. Deuces bet a dollar. Sheriff McCoy : You're rear end's on fire, Theodore. Theodore : Oh. Thank you. [Jumps and frantically slaps fire out; glares at Amos] Theodore : Why didn't you tell me my rear end was on fire? Amos : Well, you said not to do anything to attract attention. Sheriff McCoy : Dusty's a fine specimen of womanhood! I seen her get caught in a cloudburst once, and I wanna to tell you! Sheriff McCoy : You two couldn't steal candy from a baby without coming out on the short end. Sheriff McCoy : That's two bits. Barbershop Customer: But I've only got half a shave! Sheriff McCoy : A whole shave's four bits. Now git before I fine you for loitering. |
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