|
|
|
|
 |
|
 Rhea Perlman QuotationMovie Title: The Ratings Game (1984) as Francine Kester: Francine Kester : What a place you've got here. Vic De Salvo : Yeah. Francine Kester : You're not an Arab, so you must be a drug dealer. Movie Title: Matilda (1996) as Zinnia Wormwood: [first lines] Narrator : Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse. [Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves] Narrator : Most parents believe their children are the most beautiful creatures ever to grace the planet. Others take a less emotional approach: Harry Wormwood : What a waste of time! Zinnia Wormwood : And painful! Harry Wormwood : And expensive... $9.25 for a bar of soap? Zinnia Wormwood : Well, I had to take a shower, Harry! Harry Wormwood : $5,000? I'm not paying it! What are they going to do, repossess the kid? Zinnia Wormwood : Look, Miss Snit, a girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent! I mean, take a look at you and me. You chose books - I chose looks. I have a nice house, a wonderful husband... and you are slaving away teaching snot-nosed children their ABCs. You want Matilda to go to college? Ha, ha, ha ha... Harry Wormwood : College? I didn't go to college. I don't know anybody who did. Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen, ha ha ha ha... Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey : Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. If you became ill, heaven forbid, your doctor would be a college graduate. Harry Wormwood : Yeah... Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey : Or - or say you were sued for selling a faulty car. The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college too. Harry Wormwood : What car? Sued by who? Who you been talking to? Matilda Wormwood : I love it here! I love my school... it isn't fair! Miss Honey, please don't let them... Harry Wormwood : [interrupting] Get in the car, Melinda! Matilda Wormwood : Matilda! Harry Wormwood : Whatever. Matilda Wormwood : I want to stay with Miss Honey. Zinnia Wormwood : Miss Honey doesn't want you. Why would she want some snotty, disobedient kid? Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey : Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her. Matilda Wormwood : Adopt me, Miss Honey! You can adopt me. Harry Wormwood : Look, I don't have time for all these legalities! Matilda Wormwood : One second, Dad. I have the adoption papers. Zinnia Wormwood : What? Where did you get those? Matilda Wormwood : From a book in the library. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox. Harry Wormwood : Any packages come today? Matilda Wormwood : Mm-mm. Harry Wormwood : [noticing her books] Where'd all this come from? Matilda Wormwood : The library. Harry Wormwood : The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old. Matilda Wormwood : Six-and-a-half. Harry Wormwood : You're four! Matilda Wormwood : Six-and-a-half! Harry Wormwood : If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already. Matilda Wormwood : I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen. Harry Wormwood : Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book. [He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is] Harry Wormwood : Dearest pie, how old is Matilda? Zinnia Wormwood : Four. Matilda Wormwood : I'm six-and-a-half, mommy! Zinnia Wormwood : Five, then! Matilda Wormwood : I was six in August. Harry Wormwood : You're a liar. Matilda Wormwood : I want to go to school. Harry Wormwood : School? It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid. [Matilda leaves] Zinnia Wormwood : You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl. Harry Wormwood : Hmph, tell me about it. [Asked to sign Matilda's adoption papers] Zinnia Wormwood : Matilda, you're my only daughter. I never got a chance to know you... where do I sign? Movie Title: Taxi (1978) as Zena Sherman: Zena Sherman : You got an attitude problem, you got a personality problem, you got a sensitivity problem, you got an emotional problem, you got a maturity problem, you got a sexual problem... Louie De Palma : What do you mean? Zena Sherman : That's all you think about! Louie De Palma : And that's the problem? Zena Sherman : Yeah. Louie De Palma : Whew! Movie Title: Canadian Bacon (1995) as Honey: Honey : [reading card] "Best wishes, Gordon Lightfoot." Eeew! Honey : Kabral, what does this look like to you? Kabral : Got me. I never saw a white one that size. Roy Boy : Are you sure we're in Canada? Honey : You smell anything? Roy Boy : No. Honey : Exactly. Canada! RCMP Helecopter: Attention, please. Attention, please. This is the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Would you come down from the tower, please. Honey : If you say "please" one more time, I'm gonna let you have it! Movie Title: Cheers (1982) as Carla: Diane : Oh no. The thing I feared most has happened. Carla : What? Your Living Bra died of boredom? Diane : He's trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. Carla : He wants you to wear a padded bra? Norm : I want something light and cold. Carla : Sorry, it's Diane's day off. Carla : If you can't say anything nice, say it about Diane. Cliff : Is this me or is this getting a little weird? Carla : You passed weird six months ago. Norm : Now you're boldly going where no man has gone before. Cliff : Boy, I guess it's true what they say, huh? There's a fine line between gardening and madness. Cliff : What a pathetic display. I'm ashamed God made me a man. Carla : I don't think God's doing a lot of bragging either. Carla : [to Sam after he complains about the difficulty of doing a Catholic penance] "It's not a religion for wusses." Norm : I have, on several occasions, been known to perspire a bit. Carla : We could grow rice. Carla : If the Brady Bunch crashes in the Andes who would they eat first? Woody : Well probably the maid, 'cause she's not kin Cliff : Yeah, but if they were smart they would ask her the best way to prepare herself. Carla : What are you all sitting around here like a bunch of wimps for? Norm : It's what wimps do. Diane : What could be more enjoyable than opening your heart this holiday season? Carla : Opening yours with a can opener? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Well, I'm off. I don't know what the future holds. Whatever happens, I only hope I can realize my full potential. To acquire things the old Lilith never had. Carla : Like a body temperature? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : That's very good, Carla. Incidentally, I've taken your little wisecracks for a few years now, you hideous gargoyle, and if you ever open that gateway to hell you call a mouth in my direction again, I'll snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint. Sam : Are you crazy? Did I hear you just turn down a date with that girl? C'mon, man, reel her in. Frasier Crane : Oh, Sam, you don't seem to understand. Look, I just came off a seven year marriage. It's hard to think of replacing Lilith. Carla : Just go to the morgue and open any drawer. Rebecca Howe : You guys, I have my new wedding dress. And now all I need is something old, something borrowed, and something blue. Carla : How 'bout Norm's liver? Norm : I am almost finished with it. [Frasier is looking into Lilith's purse] Frasier Crane : Oh, dear God. Sam : What? What is it? Frasier Crane : Lilith is carrying a dead rat in her purse. Why would she be carrying a dead rat in her purse? Carla : Just a wild guess: a snack? Norm : Boy, I envy Sammy and his carefree lifestyle. Carla : Yeah. Norm : Night after night, he dates pretty girls, while I sit here and wrestle with the world's problems. Carla : You do not. Norm : What do you mean? Last night I let out a moan at the thought of nuclear war. Carla : It wasn't 'cuz of nuclear war, it's cuz we ran out of beer nuts. Norm : It was a combination of the two. Diane : Methinks the man does protest too much. Woody : Excuse me, Miss Chambers, but shouldn't it be "I thinks?" Carla : Not in your case, Woody. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : No, you don't understand. Usually, we don't get attached to the rats, but this one was so special. We even named him. Everyone in the lab called him Whitey. Carla : Are you sure they weren't talking to you? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : No, Carla, they were talking about Whitey the rat. Carla : Okay, I'll ask again. Are you sure they weren't talking to you? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Frasier, I've got to run. I'm having my photograph taken for a new ID badge at the lab. Rebecca Howe : Are you going to get your hair done for that? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Why on earth should I? Carla : Well, at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean, if that baby goes, we're all dead. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : That hardly seems just coming from a woman whose hair has never seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean. Esther Clavin : The last thing I want to see is my son's face on the 11 o'clock news. Carla : There's an entire city that agrees with you. Carla : I have five kids. Dr. Bennett Ludlow : Five? Carla : Well, five and counting. You're gonna be a father. [Carla and Diane are discussing Nick's new wife] Carla : Look, here's a picture of them. [Diane looks at it, and rolls her eyes] Diane : She's naked. Carla : So what? So is he. Diane : [looking at the picture again] I thought he was wearing mohair pajamas. Carla : I'm scared. Norm, hold my hand. [Carla grabs Norm's hand] Norm : Woods, hold my hand. [Norm grabs Woody's hand. He looks at his beer, and then his hands] Norm : Um, Lilith, could you pass me a straw? Carla : Who's the biggest bigwig of them all? Al : [his first line] Sinatra. [The bar is littered with ingredients as Diane is trying to make a Bloody Mary] Diane : Lot of ingredients in a Bloody Mary, Sam. Sam : Yeah, I know. That's why we usually mix up 5 gallons and put it in the refrigerator beforehand. How come doing this, Carla? Why'd you let her do it? Carla : I wanted to see her try and make vodka. Carla : Yeah, Lilith you look like a million bucks. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Thank you Carla. Carla : You didnt let me finish, what I was going to say was you look like a million bucks just stampeded across your face. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Thank you Carla, I hope you don't forget us when you become president of Hallmark. Cliff : It's a little know fact that 42% of deaths in America are caused by accidents in the home. Carla : So were you. [after answering the phone] Carla : Who's not here? Everyone: Me! [Diane continues to waffle on whether or not to leave Cheers] Carla : [exasperated] I've had WARTS that went away faster. Carla : I think I'm going to be pregant for the rest of my life, just like it said in the yearbook. Sam : Stubborn little bugger, isn't he? Carla : You know, Sammie, I think he's found out about his brothers and sisters and has decided to remain inside where it's safe. [Nash punches out Woody in a fight, then Kelly shows up] Kelly Gaines : I came here to stop the fight. Carla : Fight? I've had sneezes that lasted longer. [The bar holds a drawing to decide the night's designated driver] Carla : And the lucky loser is... Norm Peterson. Norm : Great, the first time I enter this thing and you can't pick... [Norm pulls another slip from the hat] Norm : Norm Peterson or... [Norm pulls another slip from the hat] Norm : Norm Peterson or... [Norm pulls another slip from the hat] Norm : Norm Peterson or... [Norm pulls another slip from the hat] Norm : Oh, Frasier Crane. At least somebody was honest. Frasier: I beg your pardon. I wrote "Norm Peterson". [Norm looks at the slip again] Norm : You're right. I wrote that. [Designated driver Norm returns to the bar] Norm : Beer please. [Sam slides a beer to Norm, but Carla intercepts it] Carla : Sorry, Norm. Until the night is over, you're still our designated driver. Norm : I know that and you know that, but did you have to call every bar in town and tell them? [Carla has recieved a bouquet of flowers] Sam : Who's your secret admirer? [Carla beckons for Sam to come closer, which he does] Carla : None of your damn business! Coach: What'd she say? Sam : "None of your damn business." Coach: [angry] Well, excuse me for living! How would you like it if I said that to you when you asked me to teach you how to throw a knuckleball? Sam : You DID, Coach. Coach: Oh, then we're even. Carla : Where's Diane? Sam : Oh, she's out at an interview to be a T.A. at some college. Carla : She'll never get it. She's a big "A" with no "T"'s. [Sam and Diane are fighting... yet again] Carla : Oh, now why would I want to miss this? Yet another episode of "The Young and the Chestless"? Carla : I've got it! I've got it! Diane : What, you've actually managed to conjure up something besides yet ANOTHER illegitimate child? Carla : Ooooh, a completely unprovoked personal attack... I like it! [Carla finds one of her usual Cheers patrons at Gary's Old Town Tavern] Carla : [to that patron] Why aren't you at Cheers? Drunk Man: [looking around at the inside of Gary's] Holy mackerel! This isn't Cheers? Rebecca Howe : I was told by my boss to come up with something for the retirement party so I got this left over seafood platter from Melville's. Carla : Leftover seafood? Isn't that kind of cheap? Rebecca Howe : What should I have done? Strip naked and dance on the tables to "Funky Cold Medina"? Sam : We could help you rehearse. Lilith : We've been examining our lives and discovered some frightening things. Carla : You finally found Diane walled up in Frasier's crawlspace? Movie Title: Frasier (1993) as Carla: Carla : Frasier, we were so close and then you had to show up and ruin everything. [Cliff's retirement Party] Carla : I'd like to say that I'll miss you, but it sticks in my throat like your rotten deviled eggs. I hate your guts. The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing. The way you walk, your stupid white socks... Frasier : Carla... Carla : Back off, I'm toasting. The 20 years I have known you would have been less painful if I were covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with a bunch of diseased rats. But now, finally you're leaving. I know I am not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. I can live again. Finally, I can live. Anyway, God bless. Movie Title: H-E Double Hockey Sticks (1999) as Ms. Beezlebub: Ms. Beezlebub : I love the smell of carbon monoxide in the morning. |
 |
 |
||
|
Copyright movies studios and Imdb.com: Rhea Perlman
Legal © Quotesbase.com |
