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 Kathy Griffin Quotation"Honestly, you know, after David's death, we weren't nearly as invested in the show." (on how she and her Suddenly Susan colleagues were affected by the suicide of co-star David Strickland) Movie Title: Suddenly Susan (1996) as Vicki: Susan : Guys, I'm having a craving. Vicki : You're not having a craving, you're a pig! Luis : Susan, where's your paper punch? Susan : Why don't you ask Vicki, she's been helping herself to a lot of my things lately. Vicki : Tell the paranoid tall girl I didn't take her paper punch. It threw itself at me. Girl in audience: So, do you need a college degree to work in a magazine? Vicki : No, not if you're sleeping with the boss. Susan : Excuse me! Luis : No, don't excuse it Vicki. Jack : Oh, shut up Luis. Luis : No, you shut up. Jack : You shut up. Vicki : [to Jack] You shut up. Todd : [to Vicki] You shut up! Vicki : [to Todd] I'm on your side! Boy in audience: yeah, I'm confused.....which one of you is sleeping with the boss? Susan : Vicki, have you seen my car keys? Vicki : No and you don't need to look in your purse or your jacket either. [Susan glares at her] Vicki : I needed a mint! Susan : [sarcastic] Well I hope you found one. Vicki : No, but at least you had enough money to buy some. Susan : Maddy, we are all here to talk to you about what's been going on lately. Maddy : Okay, what's been going on lately? Vicki : Don't play dumb with us you lush, we're here about the booze! Vicki : Fine! I think I can get my own dry cleaning Polly! I don't need your help! Luis : Yeah! We're better people 'cause we butter our own bagels. Susan : Woah! I think I'm gonna need a coffee so I can deal with that jacket. Vicki : Sure. I'll just get your hurtful bitch mug. Nate : Vicki, you seem upset, is there something wrong? Vicki : Yeah, you! You're cheap, you eat the tops off the muffins, you stink up the place and you're ugly! Susan : Wow, apologizing really makes me hungry, can I have some of this bacon? Vicki : Sure. Susan : Mmm, this is great. Who orders chocolate pudding and bacon? Vicki : I ordered the pudding. The bacon was here when I sat down. Vicki : Hmm....a whole bagel when you usually scoop out the middle. Coffee, when you normally drink tea. This only adds up to one thing, you're having sex! Susan : Hey, I don't need Oliver. There are a lot of gorgeous guys in San Francisco. Vicki : Yeah, but they're all dating each other! [After Jack try's singing "Jingle Bells" for the Christmas Party at the hospital.] Vicki : This just in from my ears: "OUCH!" Vicki : I'm sorry, I didn't see the sign, "Welcome to Susanville, population: 1 insane bitch! Movie Title: A Diva's Christmas Carol (2000) as Ghost of Christmas Past: Ebony Scrooge : Skinny bitch! Ghost of Christmas Past : [gasps and smiles] Did you say skinny? Ebony Scrooge : Stop haunting me! Ghost of Christmas Past : Stop being so hauntable! Movie Title: Dilbert (1999) as Alice: Dilbert : Not more than ten minutes ago you beat a man senseless. Alice : He was senseless before I beat him. Alice : I've got images in my brain I'll never get out. Alice : Man, she must've blown some smoke up your butt. Did she use a giant fan or just some kind of hose? Dilbert : Must one person's triumph be another's humiliation? Alice : Of course. Alice : You made this happen. You made me think of Dilbert and sex at the same time. Alice : I think I speak for all women capable of reproduction when I say... no. Movie Title: Celebrity Mole: Hawaii (2003) as Kathy: [imitating Erik] Kathy : Come on, Pull it up! Pull it up! Why don't you get it? Pull it up! Pull it up! Kathy : You've acted like a slut since the day I met you. Kathy : This is like a sorority porn movie and I'm the head mistress. Kathy : What? Do I do my own drum line? Ba-dum cha. Kathy : Frederique's like 'Well, it is our human nature, is it not?' and I'm like For God's sakes, do you want to be in a coalition or not? Movie Title: It's Pat (1994) as Kathy Griffin: Pat Riley : So... did I tell you I'm unemployed? Kathy Griffin : Yea, uh, about 400 times. Pat Riley : Say, do you think you could make an announcement about it at the radio station? Kathy Griffin : Absolutely not. Pat Riley : Ok, well think about it, but when you do make the annoucement let me know. I want to tell my friends to tune in. They don't listen to your show normally. Movie Title: Medusa: Dare to Be Truthful (1992) as Taffy: [After accidentally being electrocuted by onstage pyrotechnics] Medusa : Ow, even my armpit hairs are burned! Bennie : Do you know something, though? You were fabulous tonight. Taffy : Oh yes! Oh yes, yes, yes. Medusa : What, are you saying I do my best work when I'm being electrocuted? Bennie : No, but I have to be honest with you... some people are saying it was the best part of the show. Medusa : Really? Well maybe we should keep it in. But a LOT less voltage! Can you do that? |
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