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 Robert De Niro Quotation"The talent is in the choices." "It's important not to indicate. People don't try to show their feelings, they try to hide them." "I don't like to watch my own movies - I fall asleep in my own movies." "Don't talk it (shooting a scene) away, do it!" "Some people say that drama is easy, and comedy is hard. Not true. I've been making comedies the last couple years, and it's nice. When you make a drama, you spend all day beating a guy to death with a hammer, or what have you. Or, you have to take a bite out of somebody's face. On the other hand, with a comedy, you yell at Billy Crystal for an hour, and you go home." "I think Hollywood has a class system. The actors are like the inmates, but the truth is they're running the asylum. You've got to look at the whole studio structure. There's these guys. We call them suits. They have the power to okay a film. They're like your parents, going, 'We have the money.' But at the same time they say to us actors, 'We love you. We can't do without you.' You know, I've been around a long time. I've seen the suits run the asylum. I think I can do it as good or even better. Let me try it. That's why I have TriBeCa." --Chicago Sun-Times, January 8, 1998 I go to Paris, I go to London, I go to Rome, and I always say, "There's no place like New York. It's the most exciting city in the world now. That's the way it is. That's it." "I've never been one of those actors who has touted myself as a fascinating human being. I had to decide early on wether I was to be an actor or a personality." Movie Title: The Deer Hunter (1978) as Michael: Michael : Stanley, see this? This is this. This ain't something else. This is this. From now on, you're on your own. Nick : I don't think about that much with one shot anymore, Mike. Michael : You have to think about one shot. One shot is what it's all about. A deer's gotta be taken with one shot. Stan : How does it feel to be shot? Michael : Don't hurt. That's what you wanna know. And how it's been, doing OK. Stan : Yeah, same thing. Nothing's changed. I'm getting more ass than a toilet seat and Axel here, he's getting better than ever. Michael : You wanna play fucking games, I'll give you a game. Michael : I'll tell ya one thing, if I find out my life had to end up being in the mountains, it'd be alright, but it has to be in your mind. Nick : What? One shot? Michael : Two is pussy. Michael : A deer has to be taken with one shot. I try to tell people that but they don't listen. Michael : I'll tell you, Nick. You're the only guy I go hunting with, you know. I like a guy with quick moves and speed. I ain't gonna hunt with no assholes. Michael : Every time he comes up, he's got no knife, he's got no jacket, he's got no pants, he's got no boots. All he's got is that stupid gun he carries around like John Wayne. Michael : You know what those are? Those are sun dogs... It means a blessing on the hunter sent by the Great Wolf to his children... It's an old Indian thing. Axel : You get a deer? Michael : Naa man Axel : C'maaan! You didn't get a DEE-E-EAH? Michael : [after he sights the deer but points the rifle upward and fires... the deer just looks... ] OK? O-K? Movie Title: Night and the City (1992) as Harry Fabian: Harry Fabian : A toast, a toast, a toast, a toast. To you all. No, the hell with you all. To me all. Harry Fabian : Phil Nasseros, the meanest bartender in New York! Fucking guy just eighty-sixed a nun! Harry Fabian : This is like the Greyhound station for DEATH! Movie Title: Analyze This (1999) as Boss Paul Vitti: Boss Paul Vitti : [to Dr. Sobel] If I turn fag, you die. Boss Paul Vitti : You did nothing for me. You did nothing. I'm still fucked up. Dr. Ben Sobel : Hey, what do you expect? I saw you for five minutes. I can't work miracles, Mr. Viti. And let me tell you something, I do not appreciate it when someone wakes me up and drags me out of my hotel room in the middle of the night. I have a life, Mr. Viti, I have a family, I have a serious practice, and I don't have time for your BULLSHIT.... That kind of got away from me at the end. [On why he needs a mistress, besides his wife] Boss Paul Vitti : She kisses my kids with that mouth. Dr. Ben Sobel : Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother. Boss Paul Vitti : Fuckin' Greeks. Dominic : Times are changing. You've got to change with the times. Boss Paul Vitti : What, am I supposed to get a fuckin' website? Boss Paul Vitti : You know me? Dr. Ben Sobel : Yes. Boss Paul Vitti : No you don't. Dr. Ben Sobel : Okay. Boss Paul Vitti : You see my picture in the paper? Dr. Ben Sobel : Yes. Boss Paul Vitti : No you didn't. Dr. Ben Sobel : I don't even get the paper. Boss Paul Vitti : I wasn't really gonna whack you. Dr. Ben Sobel : Paul... Boss Paul Vitti : Okay, I was gonna whack you. But I was real conflicted about it. Dr. Ben Sobel : Let me get this straight: you flew all the way down to Miami and kidnapped me from my hotel room in the middle of the night just because you couldn't get an erection? Boss Paul Vitti : Don't that prove I'm motivated? Dr. Ben Sobel : You know, you can take a pill for that. Boss Paul Vitti : Nah, you start with the pills, the next thing you know you're putting in hydraulics. A hard-on should be achieved legitimately or it shouldn't be achieved at all. Dr. Ben Sobel : Hmm, I think Mark Twain said that, didn't he? Dr. Ben Sobel : They threw me in the shark tank. The shark tank. Boss Paul Vitti : They were trying to make a point. Dr. Ben Sobel : What, that you're a scary guy? Believe me, I get it. Boss Paul Vitti : And the milk was black. Jelly : That's fuckin' weird. Boss Paul Vitti : I feel the juices rushing down to my balls as I speak with you. Dr. Ben Sobel : You don't hear the word "no" a lot, do you? Boss Paul Vitti : Well, it's more like "no, no, please?" Boss Paul Vitti : I was Fredo? I don't think so. Boss Paul Vitti : [To the 'Captain'] Hey, why don't you look over that way before I bust you in your fuckin' head. Boss Paul Vitti : Hey, I got news for you, you little two-bit prick, son-of-a-bitch, rat-bastard you did nothing for me. Whatever you did the other day didn't take. I'm still fucked up. You did fucking NOTHING for me. Dr. Ben Sobel : You know what I do when I'm angry? I hit a pillow. [Vitti pulls out a gun and shoots a pillow] Dr. Ben Sobel : Feel better? Boss Paul Vitti : Yeah, I do. Boss Paul Vitti : I had problems getting it up. Dr. Ben Sobel : You mean in a sexual way? Boss Paul Vitti : No. For the big game against Michigan State. Boss Paul Vitti : Fuck Freud. Movie Title: City by the Sea (2002) as Vincent LaMarca: Vincent LaMarca : It's Him. Joey. He's my son. Dave Simon : Jesus Christ! I'm sorry. Movie Title: 15 Minutes (2001) as Eddie Flemming: Eddie Flemming : You want a glass of water? [Teasing Jordy] Eddie Flemming : I think I smell fire across the street. [about Daphne] Eddie Flemming : So, you want to talk to her alone? Jordy Warsaw : Yeah. Eddie Flemming : All right. But, you bring her in to the station right away and don't let her out of your sight. She's the only moving body we got left. Jordy Warsaw : Of course. Don't worry about it, I'm a professional. Eddie Flemming : Yeah, well girls like that got a knack for turning professionals into amateurs. Movie Title: 9/11 (2002) as Robert DeNiro: Robert DeNiro : There's a saying in the fire service: When you go too long without any fires, be prepared: Something big is coming. Movie Title: A Bronx Tale (1993) as Lorenzo: Lorenzo : The other night he threw away his baseball cards because he said Mickey Mantle wouldn't pay our rent. Lorenzo : The saddest thing in life is wasted talent. Movie Title: Brazil (1985) as Harry Tuttle: Harry Tuttle : Bloody paperwork. Huh! Sam Lowry : I suppose one has to expect a certain amount. Harry Tuttle : Why? I came into this game for the action, the excitement. Go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there's trouble, a man alone. Now they got the whole country sectioned off, you can't make a move without a form. Harry Tuttle : ...well, that's a pipe of a different color. Harry Tuttle : Listen, this old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling out a 27b/6... Bloody paperwork. Harry Tuttle : My good friends call me Harry. Sam Lowry : Tuttle! Harry Tuttle : Call me Harry! Harry Tuttle : Listen, kid, we're all in it together. Movie Title: The Mission (1986) as Mendoza: Cabeza : I cannot challenge him. His cloth protects him. Mendoza : My cloth protects you. Mendoza : Though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains and have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned and have not love, it profiteth me nothing. Love suffereth and love is kind. Love envieth not. Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things. But now abideth faith, hope, love... these three. But the greatest of these is love. Mendoza : Are you laughing at me? Gabriel : I am laughing because what I see is laughable. I see a coward, a man running from the world. Mendoza : For me there is no redemption, no penance great enough. Gabriel : There is. But do you dare to try it? Mendoza : Do you dare to see it fail? Movie Title: Bang the Drum Slowly (1973) as Bruce Pearson: Bruce Pearson : Everybody'd be nice to you if they knew you were dying. Henry Wiggen : Everybody knows everybody is dying; that's why people are as good as they are. Movie Title: Angel Heart (1987) as Louis Cyphre / Louis Cyphere: Louis Cyphre : Are you an atheist? Harry Angel : Yeah, I'm from Brooklyn. Louis Cyphre : Alas... how terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the wise, Johnny? Louis Cyphre : You know what they say about slugs. They always leave slime in their tracks. Louis Cyphre : The flesh is weak, Johnny. Only the soul is immortal. [darkly] Louis Cyphre : And yours belongs to ME. Louis Cyphre : They say there's enough religion in the world to make men hate each other, but not enough to make them love. Harry Angel : "Louis Cyphere"... "Lucifer". Even your NAME is a dime store joke. Louis Cyphere : "Mephistopheles" is SUCH a mouthful in Manhattan. Louis Cyphere : No matter how cleverly you sneak up on a mirror, your reflection always looks you straight in the eye. Movie Title: Ronin (1998) as Sam: Deirdre : You're scared! Sam : Of course I'm scared! You think I'm reluctant because I'm happy? [Sam accepts a cigarette offered by Vincent] Sam : So, are you labour or management? Vincent : If I were management, I would not offer you a cigarette! [Discussing interrogation techniques] Vincent : How did they finally get to you? Sam : They gave me a grasshopper. Spence : What's that? Sam : Lessee, two parts gin, one part brandy, one part Creme de Menthe... Sam : Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt. That's the first thing they teach you. Vincent : Who taught you? Sam : I don't remember. That's the second thing they teach you. Spence : You ever kill anybody? Sam : I hurt somebody's feelings once. [Vincent has just removed a bullet from Sam's side] Sam : If you don't mind, I'm gonna pass out. Sam : I never walk into a place I don't know how to walk out of. Sam : So, how'd you get started in this business? Dierdre : A wealthy scoundrel seduced and betrayed me. Sam : Same with me. How about that? Spence : You worried about saving your own skin? Sam : Yeah, I am. It covers my body. Dierdre : You're afraid! Sam : Of course I'm afraid! You think I'm reluctant because I'm happy? Sam : You're not going in there! Spence : Yes I am, and so are you! Sam : Why am I going in there? Spence : Why? To protect me! Sam : There is no protection there! We'll be like fish in a barrel! Sam : All good things come to those who wait. Sam : Either you're part of the problem or you're part of the solution or you're just part of the landscape. Gregor : Can't we do something? Sam : We are doing something, we're sitting here waiting. Vincent : What do you want for Christmas? Sam : My two front teeth. Vincent : A friend of yours? Sam : Yeah, we went to high school together. Vincent : Well, everyone's your brother 'till the rent comes due. Spence : You think too hard. Sam : Nobody ever told me that before. Spence : You ex military? Sam : No, I got my job in the New York Times. Sam : You're great in the locker room, pal, and old habits die hard, but you're weak when you put your spikes on. Sam : Excuse me, do you mind giving directions? Man with the Newspaper : Um, do you know me? Because, if you don't know me, then how do you know that I speak English? Sam : You're reading an English newspaper. [Spence is walking into a possible ambush] Vincent : Do you want to back him up? [Sam shrugs] Vincent : What would I profit from your death? Sam : Well, you'd have the money. Vincent : I have the money already. [pause] Vincent : [nods] I'll watch the back. Movie Title: Awakenings (1990) as Leonard Lowe: Leonard Lowe : It's quiet. Dr. Malcolm Sayer : Yes, everybody's sleeping. Leonard Lowe : I'm not. Leonard Lowe : Hello. My name is Lenord Lowe. It has been explained to me that I've been away for a long time.I'm back. Movie Title: Mean Streets (1973) as Johnny Boy: Johnny Boy : What's the matter, you too good for this ten dollars? Huh? You too good for it? It's a good ten dollars. Know somethin' Mikey? You make me laugh. You know that? Johnny Boy : I fuck you right where you breathe. [referring to his epileptic cousin Teresa] Johnny Boy : I always wondered what happens when she comes. Does she have a fit? Movie Title: The Untouchables (1987) as Capone / Al Capone: [Ness has discovered Capone bribed the jury to acquit him] Judge : Bailiff, I want you to go next door to Judge Hawton's court, where they've just begun hearing a divorce action. I want you to bring that jury in here, and take this jury to his court. Bailiff, are those instructions clear? Bailiff: [puzzled] Yes, sir, they're... clear... Al Capone : [to his attorney] What's he talking about? What is it? Judge : Bailiff, I want you to switch the juries. Bailiff: Yes sir. Defense Attorney : Your honor, I object! Judge : Overruled. Al Capone : I want this guy dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes! Al Capone : You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. Capone : Somebody messes with me, I'm gonna mess with him. Eliot Ness : Never stop, never stop fighting till the fight is done. Al Capone : What'd you say? What're you saying? Eliot Ness : I said, "Never stop fighting till the fight is done." Al Capone : What? Eliot Ness : You heard me, Capone. It's over. Al Capone : [sneering] Get out, you're nothing but a lot of talk and a badge. Eliot Ness : Here endeth the lesson. Movie Title: Wag the Dog (1997) as Conrad 'Connie' Brean: Stanley Motss : The President will be a hero. He brought peace. Conrad 'Connie' Brean : But there was never a war. Stanley Motss : All the greater accomplishment. Conrad 'Connie' Brean : A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. Conrad 'Connie' Brean : What's the thing people remember about the Gulf War? A bomb falling down a chimney. Let me tell you something: I was in the building where we filmed that with a 10-inch model made out of Legos. Stanley Motss : Is that true? Conrad 'Connie' Brean : Who the hell's to say? Stanley Motss : Why Albania? Conrad 'Connie' Brean : Why not? Stanley Motss : What have they done to us? Conrad 'Connie' Brean : What have they done FOR us? What do you know about them? Stanley Motss : Nothing. Conrad 'Connie' Brean : See? They keep to themselves. Shifty. Untrustable. Tracy Lime : What would they do if I did tell someone? Conrad 'Connie' Brean : Come to your house and kill you. Conrad 'Connie' Brean : All combat takes place at night, in the rain, and at the junction of four map segments. Stanley Motss : I bet you're great at chess. Conrad 'Connie' Brean : I would be if I could remember how all the pieces moved. Conrad 'Connie' Brean : You can't tell anyone about this. Tracy Lime : It is like a union thing? Conrad 'Connie' Brean : Stanley, don't do this. You're playing with your life here. Stanley Motss : Fuck my life. I want the credit. [repeated line] Conrad 'Connie' Brean : I'm working on it. Movie Title: The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle (2000) as Fearless Leader: Fearless Leader : Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? There is no one else here, so you must be talking to me. And you are lying. Fearless Leader : Sometimes, it's not so easy being Fearless Leader. Fearless Leader : How many times in the past have they stood between me and my dreams of glory? How many times have they foiled my plans with their bungling interference? Boris : Er... 28? Fearless Leader : There has never been a way to actually destroy a cartoon character until now. Pottsylvanian scientist: What about that movie Roger Rabbit? Fearless Leader : Shut up. This is totally different. Minnie Mogul : Hey, how did you do that? Fearless Leader : We're attached to the project. Narrator: The pun may have been weak but the contract was ironclad. Movie Title: Mad Dog and Glory (1993) as Mad Dog: [Mad Dog is in a happy mood and singing] Mike : What, you got laid last night? Mad Dog : I don't get laid, I make love. [Glory catches Wayne counting money in the bathroom] Glory : How much am I going for? Mad Dog : About $40,000. Glory : Is that all? Mad Dog : Knocked down from 75. Glory : I must be out of season. Movie Title: Backdraft (1991) as Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale: Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale : What about the world, Ronald? What would you like to do to the whole world? Ronald Bartel : Burn it all. [Laughs.] [Rimgale and Brian McCaffrey in the morgue with the medical examiner.] Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale : McCaffrey, come on over and give us a hand. Firefighter Brian McCaffrey : No, I don't think so. Not in my contract. Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale : [Throwing medical gloves at him] I just rewrote your contract. Come give us a hand. Jennifer Vaitkus : We believe you're holding back on us, to embarass the Alderman because of his fire department cutbacks. Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale : Alderman, I have an uncomplicated job: To determine if a fire is arson or not, and if it is, to catch the son of a bitch doing it. And if my investigative methods happen to muck up the campaign of certain mayor wannabes, I gotta tell ya... I'm not gonna go losing any sleep over it. Firefighter Brian McCaffrey : [being ask to help Rimgale with a burnt corpse] No, this isn't in my contract. Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale : [tosses him a pair of latex gloves] I just re-wrote your contract, get over here. Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale : In a word, Brian, what is this job all about? Firefighter Brian McCaffrey : Fire. Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale : It's a living thing, Brian. It breathes, it eats, and it hates. The only way to beat it is to think like it. To know that this flame will spread this way across the door and up across the ceiling, not because of the physics of flammable liquids, but because it wants to. Some guys on this job, the fire owns them, makes 'em fight it on it's level, but the only way to truly kill it is to love it a little. Just like Ronald. Movie Title: The Score (2001) as Nick / Nick Wells: Jackie Teller : So did you make it out? Nick Wells : Fuck you. Nick : When was it you started thinking you were better than me? Nick : Have you lost your fucking mind? Max : Yes, years ago! Nick : How can I be sure you're okay? Diane : I suppose I could fuck you. Nick : That would work. Max : I always pay you what's right. Nick : You always think you do. I always know what you pay me. Movie Title: We're No Angels (1989) as Ned: Deputy : Father, Father I've been shot Ned : I'm very happy for you Ned : I can believe most anything, my problem is I just don't care Bobby : We're all going to fry for those guards we shot Ned : Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me you shot the guards Bob. Movie Title: Raging Bull (1980) as Jake La Motta: Jake La Motta : I get ya's both in the ring, I'll give ya both a fuckin' beatin', ya both can fuck each other. Jake La Motta : You punch like you take it up the ass. [Sugar Ray Robinson has just battered Jake La Motta half to death, but Jake has stayed on his feet] Jake La Motta : You didn't get me down, Ray. Jake La Motta : Did you suck Joey's dick? Vicki LaMotta : No, I didn't suck Joey's dick. Jake La Motta : Did you suck Joey's dick? Vicki LaMotta : No, I didn't suck joey's dick. Jake La Motta : Did you suck Joey's dick? Vicki LaMotta : Yeah I sucked it. I sucked his dick. And you know what? His cock is bigger than yours. Jake La Motta : I remember those cheers, they still ring in my ears and for years they remain in my thoughts. 'Cause one night I took of my robe and, what'd I do?, I forgot to where shorts. I recall every fall, every hook, every jab, the worst way a guy can get rid of his flab. As you know my life was a jab, Though I'd rather hear you cheer when I delve into Shakespeare "A horse, A horse. My kingdom for a horse" I haven't had a winner in six months. And though I'm no Olivier, If he fought Sugar Ray he would say it the thing ain't the ring, its the play. So give me a stage, Where this Bull here could rage, And though I could fight I'd much rather recite: That's Entertainment. Jake La Motta : I heard things. Jake La Motta : [talking about Janiro] Yeah, he's a nice kid, pretty kid, don't know whether to fuck him or fight him. Jake La Motta : Who's an animal? Your mother's an animal, ya son of a bitch. Jake La Motta : I got these small hands. I got a little girl's hands. Jake La Motta : Did you fuck my wife? Joey LaMotta : Did you fuck your mother? [To Joey] Jake La Motta : Shut up. You just shut up. I'll fucking take care of you later. Jake La Motta : Come on, hit me. Harder. Harder. Joey LaMotta : What the fuck do you want? That's hard. What are you trying to prove? Movie Title: Frankenstein (1994) as Creature / The Creature: The Creature : What kind of people is it in which I am comprised? Good people? Bad people? Victor Frankenstein : Materials. Nothing more. The Creature : You're wrong. [Picks up recorder] The Creature : Did you know I knew how to play this? From which part of me did this knowledge reside? From this mind? From these hands? From this heart? And reading and speaking. Not so much things learned as things remembered. Victor Frankenstein : Slight trace waves in the brain perhaps. The Creature : Did you ever consider the consequences of your actions? You made me, and you left me to die. Who am I? Victor Frankenstein : You? I don't know. The Creature : And you think that I am evil. Creature : I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine. A rage, the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satify the one, I will indulge the other. Creature : I keep my promises. The Creature : Monster: I'd keep my promises if I were you. Victor Frankenstein : You do speak! The Creature : Yes, I speak, and read, and think, and know the ways of men. The Creature : I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. Creature : You gave me these emotions, but you didn't tell me how to use them. Now two people are dead because of us. Why? Victor Frankenstein : There was something at work in my soul which I do not understand. Creature : And what of my soul? Do I have one? Or was that a part you left out? Creature : I will have revenge! FRANKENSTEIN! Creature : I am done with man. Movie Title: The Godfather: Part II (1974) as Vito Corleone: Vito Corleone : I make him an offer he don't refuse. [Vito returns years later to Sicily and meets Don Francesco Ciccio, the man who murdered Vito's family] Don Francesco Ciccio : I see you took the name of the town. What was it before? Vito Corleone : Andolini. Don Francesco Ciccio : You'll have to speak up. Vito Corleone : Andolini... and this is for you. [stabs him] Movie Title: Once Upon a Time in America (1984) as Noodles: [Noodles seeing Max after 10 years in prison] Max : You're looking good. Noodles : You're looking a little better. Fat Moe : What have you been doing all these years? Noodles : I've been going to bed early. Max : You'll live with the stink of the streets all your life. Noodles : I like the stink of the streets. It cleans out my lungs. And it gives me a hard-on. Noodles : I hope the investigation turns out to be nothing. It would be a shame to see all these years of work go to waste. Noodles : You see, I have a story too, Mr. Bailey. I had a friend once. A dear friend. I turned him in to save his life. He died. But he wanted it that way. Things went bad for my friend, and they went bad for me too. Noodles : I haven't had a gun in my hands for many, many years. My eyes aren't what they used to be, even with the glasses. My hands shake. And I wouldn't want to miss. Max : Is this your idea of revenge? Noodles : No. It's just the way I see things. Movie Title: Shark Tale (2004) as Don Lino: [from trailer] Don Lino : I tell you what's what, and what? Sykes : What? Don Lino : What what? Sykes : What what nothin'. You said what first. Don Lino : I didn't say what first. Sykes : You said 'and then what?' and I said 'what?' Don Lino : No, I said what, what? Sykes : ...You said what first. Movie Title: Analyze That (2002) as Paul Vitti: Dr. Ben Sobel : Lou the Wrench? Why the Wrench? Paul Vitti : He twisted some guy's head off. Dr. Ben Sobel : OFF? Dr. Ben Sobel : Paul, you know what you said about not flipping out? Paul Vitti : Yeah. Dr. Ben Sobel : Sorry. [freaks out] Dr. Ben Sobel : I thought you'd appreciate staying here, having a home cooked meal after being in prison. Paul Vitti : Oh that's what I've been jacking off to for 850 nights, "Oh a casserole!" Dr. Ben Sobel : I know what you are doing Paul. You are just upset that I have custody of you, that you passive aggressively arranged for me to look like a fool. Paul Vitti : Oh come on. You were great! You were great! Dr. Ben Sobel : Second take was a little better than the third take. Jelly wasn't giving me much. Honestly. Dr. Ben Sobel : I was at a funeral. Paul Vitti : What's that got to do with someone trying to kill me in jail? You're my Doctor! Dr. Ben Sobel : My father died. Paul Vitti : So. With you it is always me, me, me, me, me, me. He's dead. So get over it. [while working as an auto dealer] Paul Vitti : Look at the size of this trunk. You can put three bodies in there. [after Paul opens the bedroom door] Dr. Ben Sobel : I have a 17-year-old son. Paul Vitti : I'll ask her. Dr. Ben Sobel : We don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex. Paul Vitti : If you're quiet, you could do it without even waking your wife. Movie Title: Cape Fear (1991) as Max Cady: Max Cady : It's not necessary to lay a foul tongue on me my friend. I could get upset. Things could get out of hand. Then in self defense, I could do something to you that you would not like, right here. Max Cady : Every man... every man has to go through hell to reach paradise. Max Cady : You learn about loss. Max Cady : You ready to be born again, Miss Bowden? Max Cady : I'm going to chop you into 42 pieces. [Max Cady stares at Mrs Bowden] Max Cady : Mmm mmm, hot as a fire cracker on the fourth of July. Prison Guard: What about your books? Max Cady : Already read 'em. Max Cady : Granddaddy used to handle snakes in church, Granny drank strychnine. I guess you could say I had a leg up, genetically speaking. Max Cady : Counselor, could you be there? Max Cady : I am like God, and God like me. I am as large as God, He is as small as I. He cannot above me, nor I beneath Him be. Selatius, 17th Century. Max Cady : Your mommy's not happy...your daddy's not happy, and you know what? You're not happy. Max Cady : I understand, I'm not your type, too many tattoos. Thing is, there isn't much to do in prison except desecrate your flesh. Max Cady : Are you my friend? Are you my friend? Claude Kersek : No I'm not your friend. Max Cady : Well, see, I like to plan my comings and goings with friends, so if you're planning my comings and goings I'd call that presumptuous, in fact I'd call it downright rude. Max Cady : Councilor! COME OUT, COME OUT WHERE EVER YOU ARE!! Movie Title: Showtime (2002) as Detective Mitch Preston: [Mitch is speaking into the "confessional" camera] Detective Mitch Preston : Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya? I'm too old for this shit. Go on, I dare ya. Detective Mitch Preston : I've gotta go wash this shit out of my hair and get a change of clothes Detective Mitch Preston : What are you gonna do, wrap me up in caution tape Top Cop ? Detective Mitch Preston : I have no interest in you, your stupid questions, or your silly show Detective Mitch Preston : Get that camera out of here! Trey Sellars : Keep that camera right where it is! [Why Mitch started doing pottery] Detective Mitch Preston : My ex and I were on the rocks, and my marriage counselor said I needed to take up a hobby. Trey Sellars : How come you never got good at it? Detective Mitch Preston : Well, it's kind of like you and police work. I never took it that seriously. Detective Mitch Preston : Why did you want to be a cop, anyway? Trey Sellars : Because I was a shitty waiter. Chase Renzi : (unimpressed) This is your house? Detective Mitch Preston : No, this is my batcave. There's a tunnel in here leading to my cliffside mansion a few miles north. William Shatner : (advising Trey on how TV cops taste drugs) You spear the knife into the bag...then pick some of the drugs up with the knife...then lightly press it on your tongue. And that is how TV cops taste drugs! Detective Mitch Preston : What if its cyanide? Movie Title: Cop Land (1997) as Moe Tilden: Moe Tilden : See sheriff, I got a sticky problem. My jurisdiction ends, in a sense, at the George Washington Bridge. But half the men I watch live beyond that bridge, where no one's watching. Sheriff Freddy Heflin : I'm watching. Moe Tilden : I gave you a chance to be a cop and you blew it Ray Donlan : What brings you to our fair city? Moe Tilden : I heard there was a way of life out here. Thought I'd check it out for myself. Ray Donlan : What are we, like the Amish now? Moe Tilden : What you've got here, sheriff, is a town that scares the shit outta certain people. Movie Title: Heat (1995) as Neil McCauley: Neil McCauley : He knew the risks, he didn't have to be there. It rains... you get wet. Vincent Hanna : I don't know how to do anything else. Neil McCauley : Neither do I. Vincent Hanna : I don't much want to either. Neil McCauley : Neither do I. Neil McCauley : I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I know life is short, whatever time you get is luck. You want to walk? You walk right now. Or on your own... on your own you choose to come with me. And all I know is... all I know is there's no point in me going anywhere anymore if it's going to be alone... without you. [Robbing a bank] Neil McCauley : We want to hurt no one. We're here for the bank's money, not your money. Your money is insured by the federal government, you're not gonna lose a dime. Think of your families, don't risk your life. Don't try and be a hero. Vincent Hanna : You know, we are sitting here, you and I, like a couple of regular fellas. You do what you do, and I do what I gotta do. And now that we've been face to face, if I'm there and I gotta put you away, I won't like it. But I tell you, if it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, brother, you are going down. Neil McCauley : There is a flip side to that coin. What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down? Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. We've been face to face, yeah. But I will not hesitate. Not for a second. Eady : You travel a lot? Neil McCauley : Yeah. Eady : Traveling makes you lonely? Neil McCauley : I'm alone, I am not lonely. Vincent Hanna : So you never wanted a regular type life? Neil McCauley : What the fuck is that? Barbeques and ballgames? Vincent Hanna : My life's a disaster zone. I got a stepdaughter so fucked up because her real father's this large-type asshole. I got a wife, we're passing each other on the down-slope of a marriage - my third - because I spend all my time chasing guys like you around the block. That's my life. Neil McCauley : A guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." Now, if you're on me and you gotta move when I move, how do you expect to keep a... a marriage? Neil McCauley : L.A.P.D. Gee, what, where the fuck did this heat come from? Chris Shiherlis : Maybe it's the score they were onto, the place, not us. 'Cause it's been hit a couple of times, you know, or something? Neil McCauley : Assume they got our phones, assume they got our houses, assume they got us, right here, right now as we sit, everything. Assume it all. Neil McCauley : I am double the worst trouble you ever thought of. [Over the phone] Van Zant : What are you doing? Neil McCauley : What am I doing? I'm talking to an empty telephone. Van Zant : I don't understand. Neil McCauley : 'Cause there is a dead man on the other end of this fuckin' line Neil McCauley : I do what I do best, I take scores. You do what you do best, try to stop guys like me. Movie Title: Taxi Driver (1976) as Travis Bickle: Cab Dispatcher : Can you drive to the Bronx? Manhattan? Travis Bickle : Anytime. Anywhere. Cab Dispatcher : Do you work on Jewish holidays? Travis Bickle : Anytime. Anywhere. Cab Dispatcher : Why do you want to drive a cab? Travis Bickle : I can't sleep at nights. Cab Dispatcher : There's porno theaters for that. Iris : God, you are so square. Travis Bickle : Hey, I'm not square, you're the one square. Your full of shit, man. What are you talking about? You walk out with those fuckin' creeps and low-lifes and degenerates out on the streets and you sell your little pussies for nothing, man? For some low-life pimp who stands in the hall? And I'm square? You're the one square, man. I don't go screwing fuck with bunch of killers and junkies like you do. You call that hip? What world are you from? Travis Bickle : You're a young girl, you should be at home now. You should be going with boys, you should be going to school, you know, that kind of stuff. Travis Bickle : Shit... I'm waiting for the sun to shine. Travis Bickle : Thank God for the rain to wash the trash off the sidewalk. Travis Bickle : The idea had been growing in my brain for some time: TRUE force. All the king's men cannot put it back together again. Travis Bickle : You're only as healthy as you feel. Travis Bickle : One of these days I gotta get myself organizized. Betsy : Organizized? Dont you mean organized? Travis Bickle : No, organizized. Betsy : Oh, like that sign that says "Thimk." Sport : See ya later, copper! Travis Bickle : I'm no cop, man. Sport : Well, if you are, than it's entrapment already. Travis Bickle : I think someone should just take this city and just...just flush it down the fuckin' toilet. Travis Bickle : The days go on and on... they don't end. All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention, I believe that one should become a person like other people. Travis Bickle : June twenty-ninth. I gotta get in shape now. Too much sitting is ruining my body. Too much abuse is going on for too long. From now on there will be 50 pushups each morning, 50 pullups. There will be no more pills, no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From now on will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight. Cab Dispatcher : How's your driving record? Clean? Travis Bickle : Clean. Just like my conscience. Travis Bickle : All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. Travis Bickle : Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up. Travis Bickle : Now I see this clearly. My whole life is pointed in one direction. There never has been a choice for me. Travis Bickle : I got some bad ideas in my head. [Into a mirror.] Travis Bickle : You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? Huh? Ok. Personnel Officer : So whaddya want to hack for, Bickle? Travis Bickle : I can't sleep nights. Personnel Officer : There's porno theaters for that. Travis Bickle : Yeah, I know, I tried that. Personnel Officer : So now what do you do? Travis Bickle : I ride around most nights -- subways, buses -- but you know, if I'm gonna do that I might as well get paid for it. Personnel Officer : So what is it? Do you need a second job? Are you moonlighting? Travis Bickle : I... I just want to work long hours. What's moonlighting? Travis Bickle : Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man. Travis Bickle : Let me tell you something. You're in a hell, and you're gonna die in a hell, just like the rest of 'em! Travis Bickle : You got a .44 magnum? Andy, Gun Salesman : It's an expensive weapon. Travis Bickle : That's all right. I got money. Andy, Gun Salesman : It's a real monster. It'll stop a car at a hundred yards. Put a round right through the engine block. Travis Bickle : How's everything in the pimp business? Travis Bickle : I realize now how much she's just like the others, cold and distant, and many people are like that, women for sure, they're like a union. Travis Bickle : Each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat. Some nights, I clean off the blood. Travis Bickle : Twelve hours of work and I still can't sleep. Damn. Days go on and on. They don't end. Travis Bickle : I first saw her at Palantine Campaign headquarters at 63rd and Broadway. She was wearing a white dress. She appeared like an angel. Out of this filthy mess, she is alone. They...cannot...touch...her. Travis Bickle : I'll tell you why. I think you're a lonely person. I drive by this place a lot and I see you here. I see a lot of people around you. And I see all these phones and all this stuff on your desk. It means nothing. Then when I came inside and I met you, I saw in your eyes and I saw the way you carried yourself that you're not a happy person. And I think you need something. And if you want to call it a friend, you can call it a friend. Betsy : Are you gonna be my friend? Travis Bickle : Yeah. Travis Bickle : I would say he has quite a few problems. His energy seems to go in the wrong places. When I walked in and I saw you two sitting there, I could just tell by the way you were both relating that there was no connection whatsoever. And I felt when I walked in that there was something between us. There was an impulse that we were both following. So that gave me the right to come in and talk to you. Otherwise I never would have felt that I had the right to talk to you or say anything to you. I never would have had the courage to talk to you. And with him I felt there was nothing and I could sense it. When I walked in, I knew I was right. Did you feel that way? Betsy : I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Betsy : You know what you remind me of? Travis Bickle : What? Betsy : That song by Kris Kristofferson. Travis Bickle : Who's that? Betsy : A songwriter. 'He's a prophet...he's a prophet and a pusher, partly truth, partly fiction. A walking contradiction.' Travis Bickle : [uneasily] You sayin' that about me? Betsy : Who else would I be talkin' about? Travis Bickle : I'm no pusher. I never have pushed. Betsy : No, no. Just the part about the contradictions. You are that. Travis Bickle : Hello Betsy. Hi, it's Travis. How ya doin'? Listen, uh, I'm, I'm sorry about the, the other night. I didn't know that was the way you felt about it. Well, I-I didn't know that was the way you felt. I-I-I would have taken ya somewhere else. Uh, are you feeling better or oh you maybe had a virus or somethin', a 24-hour virus you know. It happens. Yeah, umm, you uh, you're workin' hard. Yeah. Uh, would you like to have, uh, some dinner, uh with me in the next, you know, few days or somethin'? Well, how about just a cup of coffee? I'll come by the, uh, headquarters or somethin', we could, uh...Oh, OK, OK. Did you get my flowers in the...? You didn't get them. I sent some flowers, uh...Yeah, well, OK, OK. Can I call you again? Uh, tomorrow or the next day? OK. No, I'm gonna...OK. Yeah, sure, OK. So long. Movie Title: The King of Comedy (1983) as Rupert Pupkin: Rupert Pupkin : Why not me? Why not? A guy can get anything he wants as long as he pays the price. What's wrong with that? Stranger things have happened. Rupert Pupkin : I know, Jerry, that you are as human as the rest of us, if not more so. Secretary : Is Mr. Langford expecting you? Rupert Pupkin : Yes, I don't think he is. Rupert Pupkin : Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime. Rupert Pupkin : Well I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Jerry Langford : So did Hitler. Rupert's Mom : Rupert? What are you doing down there? Rupert Pupkin : MOM! Movie Title: The Fan (1996) as Gil Renard: Gil Renard : Don't you talk back to me! You show me some respect! Without people like me, you're nothing! We're the ones that get you your 40 fuckin' million! Bobby Rayburn : Look, what do you want? Gil Renard : What do I want? I want every time they think of you, they're gonna think of me. Bobby Rayburn : No, no, don't shoot! He's got my son! Gil Renard : Bobby, now do you care? BOBBY! NOW DO YOU CARE? Just a little bit? Gil Renard : Lucky tie, Lucky Guy! Gil Renard : What's your fuckin' problem? Yo'ld busybody! Gil Renard : A simple thank you would have been nice. Gil Renard : You sure I can't interest you in any of this? Jefferson Sporting Goods Clerk : You got any kayaks? Gil Renard : You gotta be outa' your fuckin' mind, "kayaks"? Jefferson Sporting Goods Clerk : I could use kayaks. Gil Renard : Stanley, what the fuck do kayaks have to do with knives? Jefferson Sporting Goods Clerk : Never mind. Gil Renard : You fuckin' asshole, "kayaks" you're asking me about, when I'm asking you about knives? Jefferson Sporting Goods Clerk : Yeah. Ok, I understand so thankyou for coming in. Gil Renard : How about you take some kayaks and stick 'em up your fuckin' ass, ya moron. Movie Title: Men of Honor (2000) as Billy Sunday: Billy Sunday : The Navy Diver is not a fighting man, he is a salvage expert. If it is lost underwater, he finds it. If it's sunk, he brings it up. If it's in the way, he moves it. If he's lucky, he will die young, 200 feet beneath the waves, for that is the closest he'll ever get to being a hero. Billy Sunday : You think you're better than me? Carl Brashear : You're damn right I am! [Sunday regards a picture of Carl's late father] Billy Sunday : What the hell did he ever say to make you try so hard? Carl Brashear : Be the best. Billy Sunday : Well, you are. Billy Sunday : My name is Master Chief Billy Sunday. There was a preacher by the same name who cleaned up Chicago of all the whoring spics, drunken wops and motherfucking niggers that was making that place unfit for decent white folks to live. The only difference between me and that old preacher is that he worked for God, and I *am* God! [Sunday blasts Snowhill with the water-hose] Billy Sunday : Snowhill, get your Wisconsin ass back in the barracks. Billy Sunday : My father used to tell me a story about a preacher who would tell every motherfucker he met that they will never amount to anything. The difference between that man and I is that he *worked* for God, and I *am* God! Billy Sunday : Goddammit Cookie I want my TWELVE! Billy Sunday : You know what the Chinese say, cookie? Beware what you wish for. Carl Brashear : Why are you doing all this? Billy Sunday : To piss people off. Carl Brashear : Sir, you may not remember me but we served together in the South Pacific. Billy Sunday : Oh Yeah, I remember you now... So What's for Chow Cookie? Carl Brashear : Sir I am reporting here for diving school! Billy Sunday : I sure hope your food is better than the last cook's. Last cook's food could kill a man's dog. Movie Title: Casino (1995) as Ace Rothstein: Ace Rothstein : [narrating] Nicky's methods of betting weren't scientific, but they worked. When he won, he collected. When he lost, he told the bookies to go fuck themselves. I mean, what were they going to do, muscle Nicky? Nicky was the muscle. Ace Rothstein : [narrating] In Vegas, everybody's gotta watch everybody else. Since the players are looking to beat the casino, the dealers are watching the players. The box men are watching the dealers. The floor men are watching the box men. The pit bosses are watching the floor men. The shift bosses are watching the pit bosses. The casino manager is watching the shift bosses. I'm watching the casino manager. And the eye-in-the-sky is watching us all. Ace Rothstein : When you love someone, you've gotta trust them. There's no other way. You've got to give them the key to everything that's yours. Otherwise, what's the point? And, for a while, I believed that's the kind of love I had. Ace Rothstein : He was a young kid from the casino. Nice kid, bright boy. What balls on this fuckin' kid. The next day I fired him. Ace Rothstein : Running a casino is like robbing a bank with no cops around. For guys like me, Las Vegas washes away your sins. It's like a morality car wash. Ace Rothstein : In the casino, the cardinal rule is to keep them playing and to keep them coming back. The longer they play, the more they lose, and in the end, we get it all. Ace Rothstein : Back home, they put me in jail for what I'm doing. Here, they give me awards. [last line] Ace Rothstein : And that's that. Ace Rothstein : No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he'll keep comin' back and back until one of you is dead. Ginger : COME OUT AND TALK TO ME, FUCKER. Ace Rothstein : Would you stop, you're drunk and stoned. Ginger : I AM NOT. Ace Rothstein : You're going to be sorry. Ginger : Don't you threaten me. DON'T YOU THREATEN ME. I am fucking Nicky Santoro. HE'S MY NEW SPONSOR. How about that. I will go to police and to the FBI. I'M NOT PROTECTING YOU ANYMORE, YOU FUCK. Ginger : We had a deal remember? He said if things didn't work out between us, I could get my stuff and I could leave. Ace Rothstein : Look at my eyes, do you see anything in the eyes that makes you think I'm going to let you take my child away from me with your condition? Nicky Santoro : Back- Back up, back up a fuckin' minute here. One minute. I asked you? When the fuck did I ever ask you if I could come out here? Get this through your head, you... Ace Rothstein : You never... Nicky Santoro : Get this through your head you Jew motherfucker, you. You only exist out here because of me. That's the only reason. Without me, you, personally, every fuckin' wise guy skell around'll take a piece of your fuckin' Jew ass. Then where you gonna go? You're fuckin' warned. Don't ever go over my fuckin' head again. You motherfucker, you. Ace Rothstein : You fucking mo-mo, what's the matter with you? Nicky Santoro : So in other words - I'm fucked. Ace Rothstein : In so many words, yes. Nicky Santoro : I'm what counts out here. Not your fuckin' country clubs or your fuckin' TV shows. And what the fcuk are you doin' on TV anyhow? Ace Rothstein : What are you... Nicky Santoro : You know I get calls from back home every fuckin' day? They think that you went batshit. Ace Rothstein : I'm only TV because I gotta be able to hang around the casino. You understand that. You know that. Come on. Nicky Santoro : Your fuckin' ass. You could have done the food and beverage job without goin' on television. You wanted to go on TV. Ace Rothstein : Yeah, I did want to go on TV. That way I have a forum. I can fight back. I'm known. They know they can't fuck around with me like they could if I was an unknown. That's right. Nicky Santoro : You're makin' a big fuckin' spectacle of yourself. Nicky Santoro : Ace don't... listen, don't... don't make a scene, all right? Ace Rothstein : I want to just talk. I want to talk to that Irish bitch. Nicky Santoro : She didn't know who to turn to. She... she didn't know where to turn. She was tryin' to save your marriage. Ace Rothstein : Yeah? Nicky, I want to talk to that fuckin' bitch. Nicky Santoro : Hey, be fuckin' nice. Calm. Be nice. Don't fuck up in here, Ace Rothstein : [narrating over Ginger and Nicky in bed] And This... This is how she backed him off. [A plane just crash-landed on the golf course] Ace Rothstein : The feds were watching Nicky play golf for so long that they ran out of gas. Ace Rothstein : Whoever it was, they put the dynamite under the passenger's side. But what they didn't know, what nobody outside the factory knew, was that that model car was made with a metal plate under the driver's seat. It's the only thing that saved my life. Ace Rothstein : [narrating] Well, it wasn't long before what I was afraid was gonna happened, happen. Nicky managed to get himself banned from every casino in Las Vegas, and from then on i couldn't be seen anywhere near him. [Last lines] Ace Rothstein : [narrating] The town will never be the same. After the Tangiers, the big corporations took it all over. Today it looks like Disneyland. And while the kids play cardboard pirates, Mommy and Daddy drop the house payments and Junior's college money on the poker slots. In the old days, dealers knew your name, what you drank, what you played. Today, it's like checkin' into an airport. And if you order room service, you're lucky if you get it by Thursday. Today, it's all gone. You get a whale show up with four million in a suitcase, and some twenty-five-year-old hotel school kid is gonna want his Social Security Number. After the Teamsters got knocked out of the box, the corporations tore down practically every one of the old casinos. And where did the money come from to rebuild the pyramids? Junk bonds. But in the end, I wound up right back where I started. I could still pick winners, and I could still make money for all kinds of people back home. And why mess up a good thing? Movie Title: True Confessions (1981) as Des Spellacy: Jack Amsterdam : You knew that whore and you didn't tell anyone. You're a priest, a priest, for chrissakes. Des Spellacy : I knew her. You fucked her. Tom Spellacy : How's ma? Is she still eating with her fingers? Des Spellacy : Well, she says the early Christian martyrs didn't have spoons. Tom Spellacy : Tell her they didn't have Instant Cream of Wheat, either. [Tom gives Des the rosary he took from the priest who died while in bed with a prostitute] Des Spellacy : He might have been there on a pastoral call. Tom Spellacy : When was the last time you hung your pants over the side of the bed while making a house call? Des Spellacy : I admit, that's not the way they teach you at the seminary. Movie Title: Midnight Run (1988) as Jack Walsh: Alonzo Mosely : Now listen, asshole. I've been working on this Serrano case for about six years; Mardukas is my shot. I'm gonna bring him into federal court. And I don't want some third-rate rent-a-thug who couldn't cut it as a cop in Chicago bringing him back to LA on some bullshit local charge. Do I make myself understood? Jack Walsh : Can I ask you a question? These sunglasses: they're really nice. Are they like government issue, or do you guys all go to the same store? Alonzo Mosely : What should be of prime importance to you is that you're looking at ten years just for impersonating an FBI agent. Jack Walsh : 10 years? Alonzo Mosely : Yep. Jack Walsh : How comes no one's after you? Jack Walsh : Now I can't keep you cuffed on a commercial flight, and I have to check my gun with my luggage, but you fuck with me once and I'm gonna break your neck Jonathan Mardukas : I can't fly. Jack Walsh : What? Jonathan Mardukas : You heard me, I can't fly. Jack Walsh : No, no, no. You're going to have to do better than that. Jonathan Mardukas : No I don't have to do better than that, because it's the truth. I can't fly. I suffer from aviaphobia. Jack Walsh : What does that mean? Jonathan Mardukas : It means I can't fly. I also suffer from claustrophobia and agoraphobia. Jack Walsh : Well if you don't shut up, pretty soon you're gonna suffer from fistaphobia. Jack Walsh : Where am I? I am in Boise, Idaho. No, no, no, I am in Anchorage, Alaska. No, I am in Casper, Wyoming, I am in the lobby of a Howard Johnson's and I am wearing a pink carnation. Eddie Moscone : What the fuck are you talking about? Jack Walsh : I am not talking to you, I am talking to the other guys. Eddie Moscone : What other guys? Jack Walsh : Well, let me describe the scene to you. There are these guys, see? They have probably been up for like two days. They stink of B.O. They have coffee breath. They're constipated from sittin' on their asses for so long. They are sitting in a van, and it's probably parked right up the street from your office. Eddie, YOUR PHONE IS TAPPED! Jack Walsh : How much is here? Jonathan Mardukas : Neighborhood of three hundred thousand dollars. Jack Walsh : That's a, that's a very respectable neighborhood. Jack Walsh : I never took a payoff in my life and I'm not gonna start with someone like you. Jonathan Mardukas : Why not? Jack Walsh : Because you're a fucking criminal and you deserve to go where you're going and I'm gonna take you there and if hear any more shit outta you: I'm gonna fucking bust your head and I'll put you back in that fucking hole and I'm gonna stick your head in the fucking toilet bowl and I'm gonna make it stay there. Jonathan Mardukas : I got money, y'know. Jack Walsh : I'm sure you do. Jonathan Mardukas : I'll give you whatever you want. Jack Walsh : Start by shutting up. I know you all of two minutes and already I don't like ya. Jonathan Mardukas : Gee, that's too bad. I really like you. Jonathan Mardukas : Did she hurt you, Jack? Jack Walsh : Yeah, she did. Jonathan Mardukas : I'm sorry. Jack Walsh : What're you sorry about? Jonathan Mardukas : I'm sorry you're hurt. Jack Walsh : I'm not hurt. Jonathan Mardukas : You just said you were hurt. Jack Walsh : I'm not hurt. Jonathan Mardukas : I just asked you if you were hurt and you said "Yeah, I'm hurt." Jack Walsh : That's because you made me say that. Jonathan Mardukas : Jack, you're a grown man. You're in control of your own words. Jack Walsh : You're goddamn right I am. Now here come two words for you: Shut the fuck up. Jack Walsh : I knew you had money. I didn't know you HAD money. Jonathan Mardukas : You lied to me first! Jack Walsh : What the - -YOU LIED TO ME FIRST! Jonathan Mardukas : Yes! Yes. But you didn't know I was lying to you when you lied to me down by the river. So as far as you knew, you lied to me first! Jack Walsh : How can I argue with this guy. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. [last lines] Jack Walsh : You wouldn't happen to have change of a thousand, would ya? Cab Driver: What are you, a comedian? Get out of here, ya bum! Jack Walsh : Well, looks like I'm walkin'. Gail : Jack you shouldn't be here. Ted will come arrest you and him. Jack Walsh : Arrest us? Gail : yeah. Jack Walsh : Then, we'll get into lots of troubles because I'm afraid I'm little short of bribe money. Gail : All right Jack, don't. Stop this. Jack Walsh : I don't know whatever his name is? Gail : Captain. Jack Walsh : Captain! Royalty! Gail : Jack,I don't want any trouble. Do you understand that? Please. It is not a good day for this. I mean it. Jack Walsh : I'm sorry my refuge timetable can't coincide your social calendar. Jonathan Mardukas : I don't think she is saying this. Jack Walsh : Stay out of this, John. Gail : All right, same old, Jack. You get your feeling hurt then you just walk around and hurt everybody else. Jack Walsh : You are listening I need lots of your lecture. Gail : I'm not lecturing you, stupid. I'm trying to protect you. Jack Walsh : Oh, come on. Gail : Ted will go home in any minute. We're all going out tonight. This is important night for us. Jack Walsh : Important night? What so important about tonight? Wait, let me guess. Pay-off night? Gail : All right, that's it. Get out. Jonathan Mardukas : You can't steal a truck ! Jack Walsh : You were stealing a plane ! Eddie Moscone : Let's go have some breakfast. Jack Walsh : I don't eat breakfast. Eddie Moscone : Well, have an early lunch! Jonathan Mardukas : All you're leaving is two dollars? Jack Walsh : That's fifteen percent. Jonathan Mardukas : No, that's thirteen percent! Jonathan Mardukas : Ever had sex with an animal, Jack? Jack Walsh : No, but I saw some tasty-looking chickens back at that barn over there. Movie Title: Sleepers (1996) as Father Bobby: Father Bobby : What about the life that was taken, Shakes? What's that worth? Lorenzo : To me? Nothing. Father Bobby : It was the Sistine Chapel he painted. John Reilly : Sixteenth Chapel? Father Bobby : Sistine Chapel. John Reilly : Who painted the other fifteen? Movie Title: This Boy's Life (1993) as Dwight Hansen: [to his new wife] Dwight Hansen : You can get it doggy-style or you can get it laying on your side. Those are your only choices. This is my house and I get to say. Got it? Dwight Hansen : I know a thing or two about a thing or two! Dwight Hansen : Yeah, you pull that hot shot shit around me and I'll break every bone in your goddamn body. You understand me? Yeah, you're in for a change, mister, a whole nother ball game. Dwight Hansen : Well... You can want in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills first. [When coming home] Dwight Hansen : Here I am, you lucky people! Dwight Hansen : Liar, whore, liar, whore and you know it! Dwight Hansen : Shut your pie hole! Movie Title: The Last Tycoon (1976) as Monroe Stahr / Monroe: Kathleen : How old are you? Monroe : I've lost track, about thrity five I think Monroe : I don't think I have more brains than a writer, I just think that his brains belong to me Monroe Stahr : All writers are children. 50 percent of them are drunks. And until very recently, writers in Hollywood were gag-men. Most of them are still gag-men, but we call them writers. This sounds like a try for power. I'll give them money, but I won't give them power. Movie Title: Saturday Night Live 80 (1975) as Robert De Niro: Robert De Niro : Who're you supposed to be? Colin Quinn : Colin Quinn. Movie Title: Jackie Brown (1997) as Louis: Ordell Robbie : Is she dead, yes or no? Louis : Pretty much. Ordell Robbie : I got this young nineteen year old country girl named Sheronda. I found her on a bus stop two days outta Georgia, barefoot, country as a chicken coop. I took her to my place in Compton, told her it was Hollywood. Louis : She believed you? Ordell Robbie : Hell yeah! To her dumb country ass, Compton is Hollywood; closest she's ever been anyway. Louis : Who's that? Ordell Robbie : That's Beaumont. Louis : Who's Beaumont? Ordell Robbie : An employee I had to let go. Louis : What'd he do? Ordell Robbie : He put himself in a position where he was going to have to do ten years in prison, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know ain't no god damn way he can do ten years. And if you know that, then you know Beaumont's gonna do anything Beaumont can to keep from doing them ten years, including telling the federal government any and every motherfucking thing about my black ass. Now that my friend is a clear cut case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me. [Melanie and Louis are fighting over a bag of Ordell's money] Louis : Gimme the bag... Melanie : Watch it dipshit, you wanna rip the fucking bag. Louis : Gimme that bag before I knock you out and take it. Melanie : Okay take it. Jesus, what's wrong with you? Louis : I'm carrying it. Melanie : Okay, you got it. Just take a chill pill for Christ's sake. Louis : Fuck you with your chill pill. Melanie : When did you get ouf of jail? Louis : Four days ago. Melanie : Where at? Louis : Susanville. Melanie : How long? Louis : Two months shy of four years. Melanie : Four years? Louis : Uh huh. Melanie : What for? Louis : Bank robbery. Melanie : Really? Shit, I'm impressed. Movie Title: Goodfellas (1990) as Jimmy Conway: [With the suitcase open on the desk, Henry counts out stacks of cash] Henry Hill : Thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty, sixty thousand. Jimmy Conway : It's gonna be a good summer. Spider : [hesitating] Why don't you go fuck yourself, Tommy? [stunned silence] Jimmy Conway : WHOA. I don't believe what I'm hearing. Check out the BALLS on this kid. Hey Spider, this is for you. [tosses money on the table] Jimmy Conway : That's the way. You don't take no shit from nobody. Jimmy Conway : [after Spider tells Tommy to "go fuck yourself"] I can't believe what I just hear. [he throws some money on the table] Jimmy Conway : Here, Spider, this is for you. I got respect for this kid. He's got alot of fucking balls. Good for you, don't take no shit of nobody. He shoots him in the foot he tells him to go fuck himself. [to Tommy, joking] Jimmy Conway : Tommy, you gonna let him get away with that? You gonna let this fucking punk get away with that? What's the matter? What's the world coming to? [Tommy pulls out a gun and shoots Spider in the chest] Jimmy Conway : What is the matter with you, huh? What is the fucking matter with you? What are you, a fucking sick maniac or something? Tommy, i'm kidding with you. Tommy DeVito : Kidding? How am I meant to kno you're kidding? You're breaking my fucking balls. Jimmy Conway : I'm fucking kidding with you, you fucking shoot the guy? Henry Hill : He's dead. Jimmy Conway : You dumb bastard, I can't fucking believe you. You're gonna dig the hole. Tommy DeVito : Fine, I'll dig the fucking hole. I don't give a fuck. [Tommy has shot Spider] Jimmy Conway : I'm fucking kidding with you; you fucking shoot the guy? Henry Hill : He's dead. Tommy DeVito : I'm a good shot, what do you want from me? I'm a good shot. Anthony Stabile : How could you miss at this distance? Henry Hill : What happened? Jimmy Conway : They whacked him. They fucking whacked him. I can't fucking believe it. Jimmy Conway : I'm not mad, I'm proud of you. You took your first pinch like a man and you learn two great things in your life. Look at me, never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut. Movie Title: Greetings (1968) as Jon Rubin: Jon Rubin : You've heard of 'Pop Art' right? Well this is 'Peep Art'. Jon Rubin : Like the fisherman who keeps a list of areas where fishing is especially good, the peeper has in mind a number of particularly livley places to which he returns....hmmm Movie Title: Hollywood Mistress (1992) as Evan / Evan Wright: Evan : Theres no sex in your movie, there has to be more sex. Marvin : No there is some, it's just not obvious Evan Wright : "Theres no sex in your movie there has to be more sex!" Marvin Landisman : "No there is some...it's just not obvious" Jack : So when do we all get to meet your fabulous friend Beverly? Evan : I'll give you her number, I'm not seen with her in public my wife wouldn't like it. Jack Roth : "So when do we all get to meet your fabulous friend Beverly?" Evan Wright : "I'll give you her number, I'm not seen with her in public my wife wouldn't like it" Movie Title: New York, New York (1977) as Jimmy: Jimmy : I guess a little small talks in order here now Francine : Can it get any smaller? Jimmy : Now look I can take a hint Francine : Can you also take a walk Jimmy : Do you want me to leave? Francine : YES! Jimmy : I'll leave right now Francine : BYE Jimmy : You expect me to leave after the way you just talked to me? Francine : Will you go away Jimmy : I don't want to, I want to stay here and annoy you. Jimmy : Do I look like a gentleman to you in this shirt and these pants? Francine : That was it! That was you proposal, get your coat on, put your shoes on, lets go, lets go, lets go, that was it! Jimmy : Whats wrong with that? Movie Title: Flawless (1999) as Walt Koontz: Walt Koontz : I can't do it! Rusty Zimmerman : Yeah? Well "can't" lives on "won't" street. Rusty Zimmerman : I'm his sister. Walt Koontz : He's my sister. Movie Title: Meet the Parents (2000) as Jack Byrnes: Jack Byrnes : I will be watching you. Jack Byrnes : Are you a pothead, Focker? Greg Focker : You can milk just about anything with nipples. Jack Byrnes : I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me? [Jack's Poem] Jack Byrnes : "My Mother" by Jack Byrnes / You gave me life. / You gave me milk. / You gave me courage. / Your name was Angela. / An Angel from Heaven. / But you were also an angel of God. / And he needed you to. / I selfishly tried to hold on to you, / While the cancer ate away at your organs, / Like a rebel force. / And now we'll meet in heaven. / And I shall see you / Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore. Pam Byrnes : Dad, that's beautiful. Greg Focker : Yes, it was so beautiful, and yet, had so much information. Jack Byrnes : I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg? Greg Focker : Yeah, I think so. Jack Byrnes : No. The answer is you can not. Jack Byrnes : I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car? Greg Focker : Uh no, the guy at the window did, why? Jack Byrnes : Well they say geniuses pick green. Greg Focker : Oh. Jack Byrnes : But you didn't pick it. Jack Byrnes : I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker. Jack Byrnes : Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll feel the need for this type of security. Jack Byrnes : Oh, geez. I just thought of something. Dina Byrnes : What? Jack Byrnes : Pam's middle name. Dina Byrnes : Martha... Oh, no. Jack Byrnes , Dina Byrnes : Pamela Martha Focker. Jack Byrnes : I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown. Jack Byrnes : I understand you may have had sexual relations with my daughter before, but under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway. So just keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours. Dina Byrnes : Now Greg, you have a *very* unique last name and Jack and I were wondering how to pronounce it? Greg Focker : Oh, just like its spelt. F-O-C-K-E-R. Dina Byrnes : F-Focker. Jack Byrnes : Hmm, Focker. Bob Banks : What is that smell? Greg Focker : That smell, Bob, is our shit. Focker flushed the toilet in the den so the sceptic tank overflowed. Greg Focker : I told you, Jack, it wasn't me, it was Jinx. Jack Byrnes : FOCKER, I'm not gonna tell you again. Jinx cannot flush the toilet. He's a cat for Christ sakes! Larry : The animal doesn't even have thumbs, Focker. Jack Byrnes : Did you flush this toilet? Greg Focker : Maybe... You know what, maybe Jinx flushed it. I saw little Jinxy in there last night and he took a squatted... relieved himself. Jack Byrnes : Jinx knows not to use that toilet and even if he did, he'd never flush it. Greg Focker : What does it matter? Jack Byrnes : The matter, Greg RN, is that when this toilet is flushed, it runs, and when you have a septic tank that's nearly full and a toilet that's been running all night, then you could have a hell of a problem. [in the car listening to "Puff the Magic Dragon"] Greg Focker : Who'd have thought it wasn't about a dragon. Jack Byrnes : Huh? Greg Focker : Well some people think that 'to puff the magic dragon' means to... puff... smoke... a marijuana cigarette. Jack Byrnes : Puff is just the name of the boy's magical dragon... You a pothead, Focker? Greg Focker : No, I pass on grass always. Well not always. Jack Byrnes : Yes or no? Greg Focker : No, um, yes, um... Jack Byrnes : Greg's in medicine too. Bob Banks : What field? Greg Focker : Nursing. Bob Banks : Ha ha ha ha. No, really, what field are you in? Greg Focker : Nursing. Kevin : [On who inspired him to be a wood worker] I'd have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter and I figured if you're going to follow in somebody's footsteps, why not the steps of our lord and savior? Jack Byrnes : [Before Greg has a chance to respond] Greg's Jewish. Kevin : Really? Well so was J.C... Delivery Man: Gaylord M. Focker? Greg Focker : That's me. Jack Byrnes : I thought your name was Greg. Greg Focker : It is. Delivery Man: That's not what it says here. Greg Focker : Gaylord is my legal name. Nobody's called me by it since third grade. Denny Byrnes : Wait a minute, so your name is Gay Focker? Jack Byrnes : Jesus, Focker. It's just a game. Jack Byrnes : You tried to milk him, didn't you you sick son of a bitch? Deborah Byrnes : No. We are not gonna postpone the rehearsal for some stupid cat. Jack Byrnes : Stupid cat? How can you say that? That cat's been like a brother to you. And we're supposed to just let him wander the streets without food, water or toilet? [looking around the house] Jack Byrnes : Denny. DENNY? Denny Byrnes : Right here, dad. Jack Byrnes : Okay, you're subbing for the cat today. Denny Byrnes : Oh no, I'm not wearing that stupid pillow thing on my head. Jack Byrnes : Oh yes you damn well will! Jack Byrnes : Greg's a male nurse. Greg Focker : Yes. Thank you, Jack. Kevin : Wow, that's great. I'd love to find time to do some volunteer work. Just the other day I saw a golden retriever, he had like a gimp, ya know I just wish I could have done something. Greg Focker : Yeah, well I get paid too so it's sort of a everyone wins thing. Jack Byrnes : What are you guys doing in here? Larry : Looks like rounding second base. |
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