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 Rue McClanahan Quotation"Compassion is the foundation of everything positive, everything good. If you carry the power of compassion to the marketplace and the dinner table, you can make your life really count." Movie Title: Five Minutes to Love (1963) as Sally 'Poochie': Floyd: All you got is outside. Sally 'Poochie' : That's where it counts, isn't it? That's where you can see it - the outside. It's not a bad outside, is it? Sally 'Poochie' : It only takes a minute. Five minutes, that's all. Did you ever look at a clock? That's all it takes, actual time. Five minutes maybe. Then what? It's all over. There no sign left, no mark. It's all done and past. Just two people, for five minutes. Floyd: That's all it means to you? Sally 'Poochie' : That's all it is, the real of it. If you make it anything more than that, it's your own fault. Sally 'Poochie' : I don't holler. A lady doesn't ever holler. Sally 'Poochie' : I don't wanna see anybody sucking on a baby's bottle. Guy in Junkyard: I don't either. It's a symbol! Like a brass cymbal, or a ruptured spleen, and a brass monkey, and a flight of the bumblebee, and a fare-thee-well, and a well-digger's butt in Montana, and a home-is-where-the-heart-is, and a homily, and an early to bed and an early to rise, and a Poor Richard's Almanac! Benjamin Franklin was right! The homilies of life! Like get up in the morning, and go to work, and save your money, and do a good job, and it all goes around in a circle, but a desiccated liver is still a penny saved is a penny earned, and any kind of a racket, any kind, is still gonna be crud. Movie Title: Maude (1972) as Vivian Harmon: [After Walter has a heart attack, he pretends that he is feeble so Maude will feel sorry for him. He attempts to do some knitting] Vivian Harmon : Arthur, what about S-E-X?" Maude Findlay : SEX? Vivian, he can hardly K-N-I-T. Movie Title: The Golden Palace (1992) as Blanche: Blanche : Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to slip into something that will make me look my best. Rose : May I suggest a time machine? Blanche : I wanna put him in a hot tub and drink him like soup! Blanche : I'm a lusty woman. A lusty, busty, zesty cowgirl who likes to ride all night! Rose : I love restaurant kitchens. Everything is always so big. Blanche : Big in a kitchen doesn't excite me. Blanche : What in hell is that? Sophia : My feet are cold, so I thought I'd put them in the hottest place in Miami. Blanche : Not without dinner and a movie first. Sophia : Hey, it's not like I'm walking where no man has walked before. Movie Title: The Golden Girls (1985) as Blanche: Dorothy : Oh c'mon, Blanche. Age is just a state of mind. Blanche : Tell that to my thighs. Rebecca : I'm havin' this baby in a birthin' center. They emphasize natural childbirth without any painkillers. Blanche : Honey, I know I told you where babies come from, but did I ever mention where they come OUT? Blanche : Well, just tell him you have a lot of work at home. Rose : I don't want to lie. Blanche : OK then, we'll make you clean out the garage later. Rose : Oh thanks, I owe you big for this one. Dorothy : Blanche, are you sure you're pregnant? Blanche : I just did a home pregnancy test- it's right here. Rose : It looks like a perfume sample. Dorothy : Put it behind your ears, Rose. Blanche : You know what the worst part about getting older is? Dorothy : Your face, Rose's hands? Blanche : No, no, no please. I cannot bear that again. She was listening to her car radio, Big Band, not all talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number and a dime in a door handle, then Bim Bam Boosh, won the tickets. Dorothy : Take a lesson Rose. That's how you tell a story. Blanche : But before we adjourn our secretary has a real special surprise. A Genuine Elvis artifact. Rose : It's a partially eaten pork chop. Dorothy : This has to be a fake, I mean, Elvis would never have left this much meat on a pork chop. (laughs) Blanche : Dorothy, you're outta the club. Rose : We should put out the Welcome mat. Blanche : But honey, we don't have a Welcome mat. Rose : What about the one Dorothy always says is at the foot of your bed? Blanche : I'll give you anything. I'll give you one of my sons. Dorothy : Blanche. Blanche : Dorothy, I've given this a lot of thought. I've had 3 sons, I've never had a Mercedes. Which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma. Blanche : He is so sophisticated and charming and rich and handsome. He fairly screams Blanche. At least he will when I'm through with him. Sophia : Jean is a lesbian. Blanche : What's so bad about that? Sophia : You're not surprised? Blanche : Well I haven't known any personally but ain't Danny Thomas one? Dorothy : Not Lebanese, Blanche. Lesbian. Blanche : I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss. Dorothy : Ah, you're first kiss was in the rain? Blanche : No it was in the shower. Blanche : What do you think of my new dress? Is it me? Sophia : It's too tight, it's too short and shows too much cleavage for a woman your age. Dorothy : Yes, Blanche. It's you. Blanche : We just rented that movie Aliens, it scared us half to death. Sophia : I found it scary too. That Sigourney Weaver is a sweet girl but she really shouldn't go without makeup. Blanche : I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo. Dorothy : That's pretty jumpy. Blanche : This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am. Dorothy : In what, Blanche, dog years? Blanche : I treat my body like a temple. Sophia : Yeah, open to everyone, day or night. Blanche : He has dipped his toe in the lake known as "Blanche." Rose : Now, I know no one wants to hear any of my stories right now... Dorothy : That's always a safe bet, Rose. Rose : ...but you need to hear about my cousin Ingmar. He was different. He used to do bird imitations. Blanche : Well, what's wrong with that? Rose : Well, let's just say you wouldn't want to park your car under their oak tree. Rose : Blanche. Blanche : What? Rose : Your intials spell B.E.D. Blanche : Oh that. That's just my name Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux. Blanche : She walked in on me and William last night. I could have fallen off my headboard and chipped a tooth. Rose : You think that's bad? She came into my room while Albert and I were reenacting the plank-walking scene from "Peter Pan". Dorothy : What the hell goes on in this house at night? Sophia : Rose, just remember, you're smarter than people say you are. You've got good sense, and you know what you're doing. Rose : Oh, Sophia. Sophia : Blanche, you're a slut. Blanche : Oh, Sophia. Blanche : There is a fine line between flirting and being a wanton slut. I know. My toe has been on that line. Blanche : Why I couldn't... I'd feel like a... like a... Dorothy : Like a backstabbing slut? Blanche : ...no... [Blanche and Dorthoy are discussing Blanche's birthday gift to Rose: a detective to follow around Rose's boyfriend] Blanche : Well I can't take it back, I paid in advance Dorothy : Can't you get a refund? Blanche : Well no I paid with nature's credit card Dorothy : You never leave home without it. [talking about bobbing for yams] Rose : I had a knack for coming up with the firmest, most appealing yams. Blanche : I was once told I had the firmest, most appealing gams. Rose : Blanche, I can't believe you. Where do you get your nerve? Blanche : Ironically, from Uncle Lucas. Blanche : What was your first impression of me? Rose : I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don't wear too much makeup. Blanche : Dorothy you're a substitute, your job isn't actually to teach. Dorothy : Then what is it? Blanche : To keep the kids from burning the school down until the other teacher gets back. Blanche : Oh girls... I'm just in ecstasy. My body is tingling all over. You will never guess what just happened. Sophia : We know what happened. Let us just guess what part of the Middle East he's from. Sophia : Blanche, a terrible thing has happened to you. But when life does something like this, there are a couple of things you got to remember. You got your health, right? Blanche : Yeah. Sophia : You can still walk, can't you? Blanche : That's true. Sophia : Great, go get me a glass of water. Rose : I've been on the phone for a half hour and you'll never guess what happened. Dorothy : You realized you forgot to dial first. Rose : No. Blanche : You were holding the receiver the wrong way. Rose : No. Dorothy : You were talking into the TV remote instead of the phone. Rose : No. Blanche : A shoe? Rose : No, I'm not an idiot. - The TV has a remote? [The girls are watching Dorothy and Trudy arm wrestle. Trudy wins] Trudy: Well, that's that. How does it feel to have your butt whipped? Blanche : Well, sometimes I find it strangely titillating, but... oh. You were talking to her. Blanche : I have writer's block. It's the worst feeling in the world. Sophia : Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime. Blanche : Sophia, I need you. Sophia : Blanche, you were strong and independent long before I got here. Rose : I need you too, Sophia. Sophia : Rose, you need the Wizard of Oz. [Blanche comes into the kitchen. Rose can't see her] Blanche : I am nothing but a disgusting cheap slut. Rose : Don't tell me... it's Blanche. [Blanche asks the rest of the girls if there was ever a time when a man didn't sleep with them] Rose : I have a story to end all stories about when someone wouldn't sleep with me. Blanche : Ok Honey, but PLEASE keep it in ten words or less. Rose : OK. I will. Dorothy : Ok then Rose, let's hear it. In ten words or less, when did a man not sleep with you? Rose : The time I was radioactive. Blanche : Sophia, by placing this pearl necklace between my bosoms, does it make me look like I'm a sex-starved slut who is in need of a man to bed? Sophia : Yes. Blanche : Good, then I'll wear it. [On being compared to Charlie's Angels] Blanche : Well, I was once told I bore a striking resemblance to Cheryl Ladd... but my bosoms were perkier. Dorothy : Not if you were hanging upside-down nude on a hundred-foot pole, Blanche. Blanche : Are you implying I lost my virginity at an early age? Sophia : I'm just saying you're lucky Jack-&-Jill magazine didn't have a gossip column. [Blanche commenting on her brother's lifestyle] Blanche : I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men. Dorothy : You really haven't grasped the concept of this "gay thing" yet, have you, Blanche? Blanche : Well there must be homosexuals who date women. Sophia : Yeah. They're called lesbians. Rose : You know, I've been thinking... Blanche : Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat. [The girls have chased away Ernie, the man who is changing their garage into a guest room] Blanche : Well, we have two choices-go and beg Ernie's forgiveness, or hire another contractor. Sophia : Or, we could use the Sicilian method. We burn down the house, collect the fire insurance money, and move to a beautiful beachside house in California. Personally, I vote for choice three. Blanche : Rose, I was about to tell a story. Rose : Well, I wanna tell mine. Blanche : Dorothy? Dorothy : Well, this is a no-win situation... but go ahead, Blanche. Rose : Fine, you may never get to hear MY story. Dorothy : Then I'm wrong, it isn't a no-win situation. [Rose is worried about going on a cruise with a man she likes. She worries that she will have to do "it."] Rose : I haven't slept with another man since Charlie died. Blanche : Oh, get outta here! Dorothy : Shut up, Blanche. Not all of us are classified by the Navy as a friendly port! Dorothy : Ma, I'm never playing cards with you again! Sophia : Yes you will. You're just too competitive. It's always been your worst feature. No, wait-your ears are your worst feature. Dorothy : Can you believe that? Blanche : No, I always thought your bony feet were your worst feature. [Dorothy, Sophia, and Blanche discuss Dorothy's lesbian friend,Jean] Sophia : It gets worse. Jean has got the hots for Rose! Blanche : I am shocked! To think that Jean would prefer Rose over ME! Blanche : Oh, God... now I'm lying to a priest! [Sophia watches a dirty movie] Dorothy : Ma, what are they DOING? Sophia : You know what they're doing. We had that talk when you were 12. Dorothy : Ma, we did not get a VCR so you could watch dirty movies! Sophia : This is NOT dirty. [pause] Sophia : OK, maybe that was dirty. Dorothy : I'm turning this off. Sophia : Wrong button. That's Fast Forward. Rose : What are they doing? Blanche : I know what they're doing, but I've never seen anyone do it at that speed. Sophia : No, that's Reverse. Blanche : I did that once... it was his birthday. Blanche : So, Dorothy, tell us how good was the sex? Dorothy : So good we named it! Blanche : When Blanche Deveraux goes after a man, she doesn't stand on ceremony! Sophia : Or the floor. Blanche : I can't believe you said that! Oh if I weren't a lady I'd deck you. Dorothy : You try and I'll have you on your back so fast you'll think you're out on a date. |
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