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 Bebe Neuwirth Quotation"In a really well-written musical, you talk until you just can't talk anymore, you're going to have to sing. And when you're just so full you can't sing anymore, then you have to dance. It's a natural progression." "If you have to ask how to be sexy after 40, you probably can't do it." About her work: "I know when I'm bad, I know when I'm good, and I know when I'm everything in between. I don't have any delusions of grandeur or delusions of failure. In terms of my work, I've got a pretty cold honest eye." (On her cameo in 'Celebrity'): "He offered me the hooker part with a great deal of respect. He wrote me, 'Please don't be offended.' That didn't offend me. I would do pretty much anything for him." (About the film "Tadpole"): "It's more about who Oscar is that these women are falling in love with him than just his age. In that sense it's a little more European than we're used to." "I've always loved to dance on stage. I've been doing ballet since I was five, on stage dancing since I was seven." Movie Title: Jumanji (1995) as Aunt Nora: Aunt Nora : We'll go out for ice cream..... [mumbles to herself] Aunt Nora : and bourbon. Movie Title: The Adventures of Pinocchio (1996) as Felinet: Felinet : But, Gepetto, darling, we were just playing with him. Gepetto, the Puppet Mason : He'll play with his own sort. Felinet : And what sort may that be? Movie Title: Cheers (1982) as Lilith / Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: [Lilith and Frasier are having a fight] Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : I described you in terms which were positively glowing, which is exactly how I'd like to see you in Hell. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Good afternoon, Dr. Crane. Frasier Crane : Dr. Sternin. What a lovely surprise. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : I hope I can regard that as civility in light of today's situation rather than sarcasm at my expense. Frasier Crane : No, that was completely at your expense. Frasier Crane : So, um... how do you like Cheers? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Well. It seems adequate for its purpose, but I have a feeling that you only brought me to this place to surround yourself with people you know and I don't. Frasier Crane : Well, yes. But what's more, I thought that we might have a drink or two, thereby lowering our inhibitions a bit and enabling us to go back to your place and have a physical encounter of some sort. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Well, we won't. Frasier Crane : I appreciate your candor. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : No, you don't. Frasier Crane : You're right. I feel like striking you. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Well, I'm off. I don't know what the future holds. Whatever happens, I only hope I can realize my full potential. To acquire things the old Lilith never had. Carla : Like a body temperature? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : That's very good, Carla. Incidentally, I've taken your little wisecracks for a few years now, you hideous gargoyle, and if you ever open that gateway to hell you call a mouth in my direction again, I'll snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint. Frasier Crane : I can't believe that you're willing to destroy our marriage all because of your childish refusal to accept the death of an animal. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : The very fact that you think of Whitey as "an animal" proves that we are completely incompatible. Frasier Crane : But he WAS an ANIMAL. Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What was he, a vegetable, a mineral? Oh, I know. He was the CEO of General Motors. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Your attempt at machismo is totally inadequate. You can't even make eye contact. Frasier Crane : I could look at you if I wanted to, but frankly, I've grown tired of counting the comb marks in your hair. [In regards to Henri, from France] Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Woody, you don't even like this man. He's been bothering you ever since he followed your girlfriend back from Paris, and now you're paying him to photograph you? Woody : Well, he just borrows money from me anyway. This way I don't hafta worry about him paying me back. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : It's good you worked that out, Woody. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : No, you don't understand. Usually, we don't get attached to the rats, but this one was so special. We even named him. Everyone in the lab called him Whitey. Carla : Are you sure they weren't talking to you? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : No, Carla, they were talking about Whitey the rat. Carla : Okay, I'll ask again. Are you sure they weren't talking to you? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Frasier, I've got to run. I'm having my photograph taken for a new ID badge at the lab. Rebecca Howe : Are you going to get your hair done for that? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Why on earth should I? Carla : Well, at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean, if that baby goes, we're all dead. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : That hardly seems just coming from a woman whose hair has never seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Now while I'm away, I need you to water the plants, pay the paperboy, and take the garbage out on Tuesday nights. I've written it all down for you. Frasier Crane : Lilith, you don't hafta treat me like a child. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Of course not, Frasier. Oh, please remember: don't open the door to strangers. Frasier Crane : Lilith. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Well, Frasier, there is a precedent set. We lost our stereo that day. Frasier Crane : Well, he looked friendly and he needed to use the phone. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : It was three o'clock in the morning, darling. Frasier Crane : People have flats at three in the morning. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : He was wearing a ski mask. Norm : What's This Old House? Frasier Crane : It's a show on PBS. Norm : What's PBS? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : I'd like you to be maid of honor at my wedding. Rebecca Howe : Shouldn't that be for your best friend? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : You are my best friend. Now what is your name? Rebecca Howe : Rebecca. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Lilith Sternin. Pleased to meet you. Rebecca Howe : Likewise. [The gang is discussing Cliff's 'girlfriend"] Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Who is this Maggie? Frasier Crane : Just a woman with whom Cliff had a romantic relationship. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Frasier, if you don't want to tell me just say so. Carla : Yeah, Lilith you look like a million bucks. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Thank you Carla. Carla : You didnt let me finish, what I was going to say was you look like a million bucks just stampeded across your face. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Thank you Carla, I hope you don't forget us when you become president of Hallmark. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Frazer; how can you expect Frederick to develop the verbal skills he'll need if you sit around with him in a bar all day? Norm : Evening everybody! Frederick Crane: Norm! [Lilith is confronting Rebecca over her alleged affair with Frazier] Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : Rebecca Howe? Rebecca Howe : Yes? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : I'm saving you a lot of trouble, you know. Frasier is a good man, but he is obsessively compulsive and neurotic. Sure, the sex is great, but he gets his feelings hurt if you don't praise his performance. That can be taken care of with a simple "Thank you, Conan". Rebecca Howe : Who are you and who is Frasier? I don't know Frasier and... [pause] Rebecca Howe : "Thank you, Conan"? Lilith : We've been examining our lives and discovered some frightening things. Carla : You finally found Diane walled up in Frasier's crawlspace? Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : [Lilith is getting very involved in her pregnancy] My body is going through such wonderful changes! Sam, feel my breasts; I'm lactating! Sam : Uh, you know what, Lilith; I think I'll pass on that for right now. Frasier Crane : [Lilith has some bad news for Frasier] I'll simply imagine the worst thing you could possibly tell me, and whatever your news is will pale by comparison. Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane : This afternoon in a moment of extreme weakness, I cheated on you. Frasier Crane : THAT WAS IT! THAT WAS THE WORST THING! Movie Title: Cupid & Cate (2000) as Francesca: [About Harry's Chemo Therapy] Cate : This is so unreal! Francesca : When we first got married Jerry thought I was gonna bring him breakfast in bed every morning. THAT was unreal! Movie Title: Frasier (1993) as Lilith: [Niles is preparing Thanksgiving turkey in Lilith's kitchen] Niles : Where do you keep your saffron? Lilith : Third cupboard. Niles : Mm-hmm, and where do you keep your shallots? Lilith : In the crisper. By the way, you still have to remove the entrails from the chest cavity. Niles : In that case, where do you keep your ten-foot pole? Frasier : Who is this colleague anyway? Lilith : He's the man who supplies me with lab rats. It's about time we got together socially. I've known him for over fifty-two generations. Martin : Has the witch gone yet? Frasier : Lilith's still here, dad. Martin : Oh, in that case, I'll ask you too, Lilith. Has my twitch gone yet? I had some very strong coffee this morning and... Lilith : Skillfully done, Martin. [Niles and Lilith see each other for the first time after their fling] Frasier : It happened, take from it what you can learn, move on. Niles : Well, I learned if you kiss her too fast you get an ice-cream headache. Lilith : You also learned that I have twice your upper body strength, so shut your pie hole. Lilith : Daphne, is your fiance joining us? Daphne : No, I'll be seeing him later. Donny has his own Thanksgiving tradition. He has a dinner for all the divorced men he's represented during the year. He's hosting twenty-five today. Lilith : Wow. Twenty-five lonely, bitter men. Daphne : Yeah, it's been a good year. Niles : What's this about? Lilith : Well, it's about an attraction that I thought was over and now I'm beginning to think, maybe it's not. Niles : Usually in my dreams, this is where I try to run and can't. Lilith : If he wants something badly enough, he will figure out a way to get it. Remember when he was a baby, the bottle at the end of the maze? Frasier : You know, I kinda regret doing that. Lilith : Do I know my son, or do I know my son? Frasier : He was willing to put us through absolute hell just for a minibike? Lilith : You know what this means, don't you? Frasier : Yes, he's normal. We're not bad parents. Well done, Dr. Sternin. Lilith : Well done, Dr. Crane. Lilith : Well, we really should get in there. Frasier : Yes, I suppose we should. Must be sheer torment for him, waiting for the ax to fall. Lilith : Absolute hell. Frasier : Absolute nightmare. Frasier : Wine? Lilith : Love some. Lilith : Niles, sorry to hear your marriage ended in a shambles. Niles : Ditto [Freddy wants a dirt bike] Frederick : But all my friends have one. Lilith : If all of your friends walked into a Level 4 Biohazard Area without their biohazard suits on, would you go too? Lilith : I'm nearly done defrosting. Niles : And the turkey? Lilith : Might I suggest you stuff it? [Lilith has made a call-in refuting Frasier's advice to a previous caller] Frasier : Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line. This is my ex-wife, Lilith. Lilith : What do you mean celebrity? Frasier : Oh, they know you. [Frasier has a surprise caller to his show - his ex-wife] Frasier : Well, Lilith, what brings you to Seattle, the constant rain? Lilith : I'm here for a convention, and I happened to hear your voice on the radio. I kept hoping you'd introduce Pearl Jam's latest hit, but much to my chagrin, you were doling out worthless little advice pellets from your psychiatric Pez dispenser. Movie Title: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (1999) as Nina Laszlo: Nina Laszlo : He made her... Lewinsky him. Movie Title: Tadpole (2002) as Diane: Oscar : You didn't happen to tell anyone about what happened last night, did you? Diane : Would it matter if I had? You're a grown up [pauses to light cigarette] Diane : or close enough. Oscar : My wallet was stolen. Diane : You were mugged? Oscar : Well, sort of. Diane : What do you mean, 'sort of'? Oscar : She was very pleasant about it. Diane : Oscar and I... Oscar : Both speak French! Diane : Oscar and I...are lovers. Eve : What?! Oscar : What? You're drunk! |
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