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 Debra Jo Rupp QuotationMovie Title: That '70s Show (1998) as Kitty Forman: Kitty Forman : Have you ever baked a pie before? Jackie Burkhardt : No. I was hoping to just get by on my looks. [On Kitty's mother-in-law] Midge Pinciotti : What's that pet name she has for you? Kitty Forman : Whore. Kitty Forman : So, what do you want for your birthday? Red Forman : Whatever you want. Money is no object, as long as it's reasonable. Eric : I want a cassette player for the car. A cassette player, not an 8 track. NOT an 8 track. Okay? Kitty Forman : Why don't they put record players in cars? Red Forman : OK, Eric, if you don't want an 8 track, you won't get one. Kitty Forman : Oh, but Red, he wants one. Eric : No, I don't. I don't want an 8 track. Red Forman : We'll get you a Delco. A genuine GM part for a genuine GM car. Kitty Forman : All families are embarrassing. If they aren't embarrassing they're dead. Kitty Forman : Sex, it's not dirty. Red Forman : It's not clean either. [Red stole Bob's Christmas lights] Kitty Forman : Oh, my god. I married the Grinch. I'm Mrs. Grinch! [after setting the table for Thanksgiving dinner] Kitty Forman : I feel like I'm forgetting something... [the phone rings] Kitty Forman : Oh my God, I forgot your mom. [Eric catches his parents having sex, and they find out] Kitty Forman : Red, say something. Red Forman : It's more fun than it looks. Fez : Poor Hyde. You are in love with Donna and she's with your good friend Eric. Steven Hyde : So what? Fez : So it's the saddest story in the world. Steven Hyde : You know what? I had a chance, and I didn't take it. [Red, Bob, Kitty and Midge got high by accident] Kitty Forman : You know what I love? Fruitcake. All those fruit just stuffed into one cake... Midge Pinciotti : I jumped out of a cake once. Eric : I got a B. Red Forman : You couldn't get an A? Kitty Forman : Aww honey, don't listen to him. You did super. And Steven, you did super duper. Eric : Why does he get a duper? [Cooking] Kitty Forman : Where's my brown sugar? Fez : I'm right here, sweetie pie. Kitty Forman : You kids change partners more than square dancers. [on Valentine's day] Kitty Forman : Oooh, look how cute you are. This is just like when you were 5, and played make believe dinner. Only this time, it won't end by Donna sitting on Eric's face. [Awkward pause] Kitty Forman : OK. [Kitty and Red start leaving] Red Forman : Kitty, that was bad. Kitty Forman : I know, keep walking. [Kitt and Red finally leave] Eric : Oh, good, and I thought this was going to be awkward. Kitty Forman : Bed checks, here we come. Red Forman : Shh, Kitty, you're warning them. Kitty Forman : I'm not warning anybody. Getting closer. Kitty Forman : Eric, your father and I have noticed that you've been acting very strange lately. Red Forman : Like a hippie. Kitty Forman : Is there something you want to tell us? Red Forman : Are you on dope? Are you? Kitty Forman : Because we can help get you clean. There's counseling, hospitalization... Red Forman : ...my foot kickin' your ass. [Red on Laurie and Michael] Red Forman : This is how it starts, you know. First they're dating and having fun, and then the next thing you know, they're prying the money to pay for a wedding from my cold, dead hands. Kitty Forman : Oh, honey. They're not going to get married. He'll leave her when she gets pregnant. Red Forman : [to Steven] If you ever do anything like that again, I will kick your ass so hard, your nose will bleed. Kitty Forman : And we love you. Kitty Forman : [to Michael] What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head? Michael Kelso : Yes, I was. And up until now, everyone had the good grace not to mention it. [Kitty wants to redecorate the basement] Red Forman : This is going to be expensive, isn't it? Kitty Forman : Maybe. Red Forman : Don't you like anything cheap? Kitty Forman : I like you. Steven Hyde : What's wrong with Mrs. Foreman's parents? Kitty Forman : Nothing. They're very complicated people who can't be summed up in a couple of words. Eric : Grandma yells, Grandpa drinks. Kitty Forman : I can't believe that any of you can walk into a church without bursting into flames. [Red has a dream that he dies, and nobody shows up for his funeral] Eric : Where is everybody? Where are all my friends? Kitty Forman : You don't have any friends, honey. I'm afraid it's a side effect of... telling people to stick it in their butts. Kitty Forman : [about her mother] Dad, what is wrong with that woman? Burt : Don't worry sweetheart. Her screaming at you means she loves you and understands you're going through a hard time. Just like her smashing your golf clubs means "Happy Anniversary". Kitty Forman : My parents are coming tomorrow. Red Forman : Oh, crap. Kitty Forman : Red. Donna Pinciotti : What's wrong with them. Kitty Forman : It's a complicated situation. Eric : Grandma yells, grandpa drinks. Red Forman : Do you know how they treat their criminals in Russia? First offense, five years in Siberia. Second offense, ten years. Believe you me, there is no third offense. Kitty Forman : Unless the criminal likes to make snow angels. Red Forman : So, you mean, we met by you bumping into my ass? Kitty Forman : I guess so. Red Forman : Ok, but if Eric asks, I punched out a marine, defending your honor. Kitty Forman : And, I wasn't drunk, I was reading for the blind. Red Forman : Deal. Kitty Forman : You know I love my family. But sometimes, I just want to get in my car and run them all over. Kitty Forman : How's it going? Red Forman : Real good. The foreign kid just ate something off the floor. [Kitty presents the Thanksgiving turkey] Kitty Forman : Ok, who likes dark meat? Fez : Hey, who doesn't? Am I right ladies? Kitty Forman : Red, you're selling raffle tickets. Red Forman : I'm your man. Kitty Forman : ...and don't yell at the customers. Red Forman : I'm kinda your man. Kitty Forman : ...and smile. Red Forman : You need another man. Miss McGee: Good night. I apologize if my being here upset you. Kitty Forman : I just feel that you being seen out with a student, it's just bad principle. Michael Kelso : Oh, he doesn't care. He's dating a cheerleader. Kitty Forman : I have bad news. Midge left Bob. Eric : Are you sure? I mean, she could just be lost in the backyard. Eric : She's the woman, I'm the man. I have to do better on that test. Kitty Forman : Don't worry if Donna's smarter than you. I'd take a dummy over a jackass any day. Eric : Which one am I? Kitty Forman : Well, honey, right now you're both. Eric : Donna can't be smarter than me because I'm the man, and that's just the way it is. Kitty Forman : Well, I do better on tests than your father, but he's the one brave enough to kill spiders. And since we've been married how many tests have I taken? None. How many spiders have your father killed? Hundreds. Eric : But, Mom... SPIDERS FREAK ME OUT. Kitty Forman : Honey, Michael may have an incredible built and movie-star good looks. But, you're much smarter. Eric : Why didn't you say that when everyone was around? Kitty Forman : Well, I didn't want anybody to feel bad. Eric : Good job. [Bob's Christmas decorations are so bright and loud they wake up Red and Kitty] Kitty Forman : It's the Russians. [Kitty enters as Eric and Donna are holding hands] Eric : Hey, it's my mom. Kitty Forman : You two make me sick. Eric : And she's talking like my dad. Leo : Hi, Red. Would you give these to Kitty, please? [hands Red flowers] Leo : Oh, and tell her I love her. Thanks. [leaves] Red Forman : Oh, Kitty. These are for you. Looks like you got a date with a stoner. [Red and Kitty laugh] Kitty Forman : [takes flowers and reads attached note] "Roses are red, violets are blue. Milk, eggs, coffee." Kitty Forman : I want to have a baby. Red Forman : You still got Eric. He's kinda like a baby. I can make him cry if you want to. Kitty Forman : Ok, I need two people with keen feminine sensibilities to decorate Steven's party... so it's Jackie... and Fez. [Kitty leaves] Fez : Yay. Jackie Burkhardt : Come on Fez, let's go. [Fez and Jackie leave] Donna Pinciotti : What the hell does she mean? I'm feminine. I oughta kick her ass for that... Kitty Forman : Ok. Ok. Let's just keep the game going. [picks a card] Kitty Forman : Donna. If you were a shoe, whose shoe would you be? Donna Pinciotti : Well, I wouldn't want to be Red's shoe because it's about to go into somebody's ass. [the kids want to throw a party] Red Forman : Why here? Why is it always here? Kitty Forman : Well, what do you want them to do? Throw the party in the street? Red Forman : Yes. They puke in the street, the city cleans it up. Kitty Forman : You know, maybe Eric's test score is a blessing. It will be a good story when he's a senator. Red Forman : Senator? The word you're looking for is JANITOR. [the family goes to the Price Mart Ball] Eric : I could get a date. [Red laughs] Eric : I've got numbers, buddy. Kitty Forman : Sure you do, honey. You're number one with me. Kitty Forman : [about Laurie] Rosemary had a better baby than me. Kitty Forman : Oh, doc. I made a minor adjustment to the chart. Doctor: Oh, really? And, why did you do that... NURSE? Kitty Forman : Well, the patient is allergic to penicillin. I figured that if I changed it, he'd be a tad less... dead. Midge Pinciotti : Not only that, but Bob says my ideas are stupid. Kitty Forman : Well, that's the pot calling the kettle black. Midge Pinciotti : I know... What? Bernice Forman : So, Kitty, Eric tells me you quit smoking. Kitty Forman : Yes. Yes, I did, and I feel great. Bernice Forman : [lights a cigarette] That's great. [blows smoke in Kitty's face] [Laurie moves out] Red Forman : Aw, Kitty, you think that she's all grown up. But there's still a lot that she doesn't know. I mean, what if her place doesn't have a deadbolt, or a smoke detector? Kitty Forman : Red, you don't have to baby her. She's twenty. Red Forman : You're never too old to burn to death in a fire. Kitty Forman : Eric, you should go with your father. Eric : But, mom... Kitty Forman : No buts. You two don't spend enough time together. Eric : That's because he doesn't like me. Red Forman : Eric's old enough to hear this kind of talk. Eric, say your job got transferred to Guada-Who-The-Hell-Cares. Would you vote for the guy that did that? Kitty Forman : Oh, Red, Ford didn't take away your job. He took Nixon's. Kitty Forman : Where did you learn your parenting? Red Forman : Korea. [Kitty has just come home from work] Kitty Forman : Here, honey. I brought you a lollipop. Eric : Mom, I'm 17. Kitty Forman : I know. That's why I also brought you condoms. Eric, Red: Ehhhhhhh. Kitty Forman : You need to protect yourself. Today I saw a 16-year-old give birth, and I don't want that type of thing to happen to you. Eric : Well, this couldn't be more uncomfortable. (gets up and leaves) Kitty Forman : Oh, honey. Don't forget your condoms. Eric : I was wrong. Kitty Forman : Red, Bob was very upset when he left here. Red Forman : Bob's always upset. He's a little girl in big boy pants. [Kelso brought Fez to the Piggly Wiggly to meet attractive, older women] Kitty Forman : How could you bring Fez to the Piggly Wiggly? There's a lot of footloose women in there. Do you know Joyce Ferguson? Michael Kelso : No. That's a lie. Kitty Forman : What? Michael Kelso : [nervously] What? Kitty Forman : What? Michael Kelso : [nervously] What? Red Forman : Kitty, I think we should rethink our 'Don't throw Leo out on his ass policy.' Kitty Forman : No, no. Leo stuck around because he cares about Steven. Leo : ...and plus I can't find my shoes, man. Kitty Forman : You're my special little baby boy. [Hyde makes kissy faces at Eric] Eric : Mom. We talked about this. I'm not a boy anymore. I'm a man... Kitty Forman : Okay... My special little baby man. [kisses him, giggles and runs away] Eric : [to Hyde] You are so lucky that your mom's a runaway alcoholic. Kitty Forman : Steven's father is in town? Laurie Forman : Yeah, right. Like he even knows who his father is. [gets up and leaves] Red Forman : Do you know anything about this? Eric : Yeah. She's a bitch. [Kitty's father has just passed in the emergency room] Kitty Forman : I don't know how to say this... Daddy's gone to a better place. Michael Kelso : Good, 'cause this hospital sucks. [Kelso gets an angry look from everyone] Michael Kelso : What? [Kelso realizes] Michael Kelso : Oh. (whispering) This hospital sucks. Michael Kelso : [rings the doorbell and Kitty opens the door] Hi, Mrs. Forman. I'm here to pick up Laurie. Kitty Forman : Laurie? You must mean Eric. Michael Kelso : Uhh, no. I mean Laurie... Your other kid. Kitty Forman : But... Why? Steven Hyde : You're dating Laurie? That's not different. You're going where every man has boldly gone before. Kitty Forman : Steven. It's not nice to be so... truthful. [On Bob] Red Forman : I didn't want to insult him by offering him some nothing job. Kitty Forman : Oh Red, you insult him everyday. Red Forman : But that's different. He thinks I'm kidding. Red Forman : I don't see why we have to spend the night. It only took me ten minutes to catch up with everybody at my reunion. Kitty Forman : Red, standing in the corner by yourself muttering "Dumbass" at everyone doesn't count as "catching up". Kitty Forman : Eric, there's someone here to see you. Eric : Mom, if this is another one of dad's Marine Corps recruiters I swear I'm running away. Kitty Forman : Red hates you. Fez : Oh, don't be silly. Red loves me. Kitty Forman : You gave him a heart attack. Eric : Mom, maybe Dad loved Fez so much that his heart just... exploded. [Hyde keeps saying snide remarks about Laurie] Kitty Forman : Steven, if you keep doing that it's going to be really hard for me to pretend I don't know what you're talking about. Steven Hyde : Then I should go because it's just too easy... just like Laurie. [after finding out Red's mom isn't spending Thanksgiving with them] Kitty Forman : I don't need to kiss some old lady's A-S-S on my holiday. [Laurie, Eric, and Red just look at her] Kitty Forman : You heard what I spelled. [Kitty wants Hyde to move in with them] Red : For God's sake, Kitty, I'm not Santa Claus. Kitty Forman : Well, thank God you're not Santa Claus, Red. You scare the hell out of children. Red Forman : If one more person tells me to 'shut it'... Kitty Forman : You might actually 'shut it'? Kitty Forman : Good, Donna, come up and eat with us, I need all the help I can get. Oh not you Steven, Grandma doesn't like you. Donna : You lucky bastard Eric Foreman : Dad just got sued by a co-worker for wrongful termination. Kitty Forman : Well if the news is so unpleasant I'm ignoring it here have a cupcake. Eric Foreman : Mom did you hear what I said dad is getting sued for wrongful termination by Earl. Kitty Forman : Earl he didn't do his job he was always late and he was a complete dumbass... person. Eric Foreman : Mom you said ass. Kitty Forman : So did you now give me back the cupcake. Eric Foreman : Dad is gonna freak I don't know how to tell him. [Red enters the house] Red Foreman : Tell me what? Eric Foreman : Oh mom said the ass word. Kitty Forman : Give me that. Eric Foreman : You know what mom I got this one. Whoever here is not sued by Earl for illegal termiation raise your hand. Kitty Forman : I'm married to the Grinch. I'm Mrs. Grinch. [about Hyde's house] Kitty Forman : He really shouldn't be here. Red : It's not so bad. Compared to Korea, this is Shangri-La wrapped in happy-fun candy. Kitty Forman : Honey, we're all going through hard times. You're giving up your future. I'm giving up my schnapps. Red : Kitty, why is it we always do what you want to do and never do what I want to do? Kitty Forman : It's in the Bible. Kitty Forman : So, Eric, have you made your Christmas list for Santa yet? Eric : Well, um, I was going to, but then I turned 10. Kitty Forman : It's Sodom and Gomorrah with a subway. Kitty Forman : I don't have to have a reason. It's right. I'm your mother. Now move. Kitty Forman : I wonder if the Pilgrims were clever enough to put peanut butter in their celery. Eric : And then, they go into this bar, and there are all these space creatures, and then, someone makes the mistake of picking on Obi Wan Kenobi, and then, he takes out his light saber, and goes WOOSH and he chops this guard's arm right off! Cause it's a saber that's made out of light. Kitty Forman : Well, you know, this, this doesn't sound like a nice movie. Now, "The Way We Were", that's a nice movie! [after learning the Red's getting a new job] Kitty Forman : Oh! And to think how close we came to losing the house! Eric : Losing the-mom, you said we were fine! Kitty Forman : Oh, Eric, honey, I lied! Kitty Forman : Eric, David's here! Fez : The scoliosis asthma freak is here? I cannot wait to see this! [Eric just announced his plans to move away] Red Forman : I'm proud of you. Kitty Forman : And that goes double for... what the hell did you say? Kitty Forman : Here you are, Red. Breakfast, egg whites only. Red Forman : But the yellow part's the baby bird. That's the part I want to eat! Kitty Forman : [Bob just gave Red a pair of shoes] Oh, look. He gave you shoes. What do you say, Red? Red Forman : What the hell is wrong with you? Kitty Forman : Now Eric's leaving. What am I supposed to do? Red Forman : Well, there's a car show in Kenosha this weekend. Kitty Forman : A car show? I don't want to go to a goddamn car show in fucking Kenosha! I want 3 more fucking months with my baby boy! I can't do that now because of your bullshit! Way to go, dumbass! Kitty Forman : [right after Eric accused Mitch of stealing his Darth Vader action figure] Eric, were you playing in the bathtub with your doll? Eric Forman : ACTION FIGURE... uh-oh. Donna Pinciotti : [after Jackie's mom agrees to move in with her dad] But I don't want to see any of her panties around the house. Kitty Forman : [referring to Jackie's mom not having a panty line] Oh don't worry, you won't. Movie Title: Friends (1994) as Alice: Alice : I want to name the girl baby Leslie. And, um, Frank wants to name one of the boy babies Frank, Jr., Jr. Chandler : Wouldn't that be Frank the Third? Alice : Don't get me started. Anyway, um, since there are three babies, and we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honored if you would name the other boy baby. Phoebe : Oh, wow. That's so nice. Oh. Oh. Cougar. Alice : ...You think about it. |
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