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 Andrea Parker QuotationMovie Title: The Pretender 2001 (2001) as Miss Parker: Miss Parker : You just can't trust a man with a stolen thumb. Mr. Lyle : Stay out of it. Miss Parker : Love to. Can't. Mr. Lyle : God, you're a crazy bitch. Miss Parker : You don't know the half of it. Movie Title: Less Than Perfect (2002) as Lydia: Lydia : Your scent is supposed to linger, not change global weather patterns. Kipp : Hurry! Quick, quick, quick quick, quick! Lydia : Oh my God! Are they coming? Kipp : No, it's just really creepy down here, somebody brought a lunch from home! Lydia : You'd think she rode into work on a donkey. [It's Valentine's Day and the cafeteria shows it] Kipp : Isn't there a single sausage patty that isn't shaped like a heart? Lydia : I know. Why does the cafeteria have to recognize this particular holiday? It's not like every Fourth of July they blow the food up. Kipp : Hey, is that Owen with a girl? Lydia : Oh my God, it is. [pause] Lydia : Should we go and help her? Lydia : So, what, are you and your boyfriend doing something sickeningly sweet today? Claude Casey : Well, we would have, but Charlie had to drive his grandfather's El Camino down to Florida. But, he did send me a dozen beautiful red roses. Lydia : Yeah, well, I'm sure they came from one of I-95's *finer* rest-stops. [The cafeteria is all decorated for Valentine's Day] Claude Casey : Isn't it romantic? It's Valentine's Day. Lydia : [sarcastically] Really? Lydia : No one thinks I'm funny. I think I'm *so* funny. Lydia : [to Kipp] My hair looks too good for me to be standing here talking to you. Lydia : If you're so damn smart why are you working for a florist? Lydia : Wait, Kipp, what if this really is our last moment alive? Kipp : Then I should take some stuff off my computer. Lydia : We need to have a beautiful, intimate, one-of-a-kind first date story that will make other women say, "God, I hate her." Jeb Denton : You really think you need a story for that? Movie Title: ER (1994) as Linda Ferrell: Linda Ferrell : Do you think there's one perfect love? You know, like 'Sleepless in Seattle', somewhere under the stars. One perfect person for everybody? Carol Hathaway : I don't know, why? Linda Ferrell : Because for Doug, it's you. Movie Title: The Pretender (1996) as Catherine Parker / Miss Parker: Sydney : How do you think he will hold up? Miss Parker : Before or after he wets his pants? Sydney : Good morning, Miss Parker. Broots. Broots : Sydney. Miss Parker : You're looking... refreshed. Sydney : New underpants will do that to you. [Miss Parker and Broots look at each other silently] Miss Parker : Sydney, you made a funny. Sydney : Stole it, I'm afraid. Last night, I went on a date. Broots : You had a date! Miss Parker : [to Broots] That's when two people actually meet instead of typing to each other on a computer keyboard. [to Sydney] Miss Parker : So, if it was a date, how can you be sure that those are *your* underpants? Broots : Have you ever gone to church? Miss Parker : With all I've seen and done, a church is the last place I should be. Broots : Or the first. Jarod : How's life treating you? Miss Parker : Like he caught me in bed with his wife. Broots : I found something bizarre. Miss Parker : What, like hair on your head? Broots : No, that would be fantasy. This is real. Miss Parker : Since when do you hate to fly? Broots : I don't hate to fly. I hate to barf. Catherine Parker : Trust can kill you or set you free. Miss Parker : You mean a shrink, don't you? Thanks Syd, but I'll leave the mental masturbation to someone else. Miss Parker : [Referring to her nicotine patch] The only way this thing is gonna help me is if I roll it and smoke it. Sydney : The Centre wants him alive. Miss Parker : Preferably. Giuseppe : So full of anger! Miss Parker : That's my religion. Miss Parker : God forgives. I don't. Sydney : You believe someone stole your mother's body? Miss Parker : Except for this Scotch-induced earthquake rattling between my ears, I'm not sure exactly what to believe anymore. Broots : Let's face it, Sydney. Catherine Parker's body being gone fits in with all the other bizarre happenings around here. The reappearance of Edna Raines, who, after 30 years, everyone thought was dead... Miss Parker : And now who really is dead, thanks to the Bald Butcher she called hubby. Miss Parker : I never thought I'd hear you say 'murder is business as usual,' Syd. Sydney : How come you know so much about Greek lore? Miss Parker : I did a lot of frat boys in college. Miss Parker : Make up your mind, Sydney. Be a scientist or a mommy. You can't be both. [Miss Parker's phone rings at 3:44 a.m., waking her up] Miss Parker : What? Jarod : Oh, I intentially wake you in your deepest sleep phase and all I get is a lifeless 'what'? Miss Parker : [groans and bends over in pain] Oh, no. Sydney : Your ulcer? And no medication. Miss Parker : Ladies and gentlemen. The fabulous Sherlock Holmes. Sydney : [laughing] Here I am, trying to comfort you. Miss Parker : [looking hurt] As if anything you could ever do would give me comfort? Sydney : [quickly sobers] It did once. Jarod : [referring to the champagne Miss Parker is drinking] That isn't good for your ulcer. Miss Parker : Neither are you. Miss Parker : Why did you save my life? Jarod : Because I still remember the little girl who gave me my first kiss. Jarod : You make the rules. Miss Parker : That's just the way I like it. Sydney : Bernice and I went to this amusing little place, The Chocolat. [Broots and Miss Parker burst out laughing] Broots : You, uh, you, you, you went to a comedy club. Sydney : New experiences keep my psychiatric skills finely tuned. Miss Parker : Not to mention that slam-bang wit. Sydney : Exactly! How many psychiatrists does it take to change one lightbulb? Miss Parker : Call the hotel and book us some rooms for this shindig. [puts unlit cigarette in mouth] Broots : Oh, Jarod already did. [Miss Parker lights cigarette] Broots : They're, uh, non-smoking rooms. Miss Parker : [takes drag and smiles] Perfect. [exhales smoke] |
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