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 Sara Gilbert QuotationMovie Title: Poison Ivy (1992) as Sylvie Cooper: [on the merits of Fred, her dog] Sylvie Cooper : In fact, that Fred hated every human being except me really meant something. [on Ivy] Sylvie Cooper : She's definitely a turnoff - too overt. I mean, most girls don't fly through the air with their skirt around their waist. [remarking on Ivy's sexy lips] Sylvie Cooper : Not that I'm a lesbian... well, maybe I am. Movie Title: Roseanne (1988) as Darlene: Dan : What happened to Jimmy? I liked Jimmy. Darlene : So did Becky, until he dumped her. Becky : He didn't dump me! Darlene : Get real, you hit the ground like a safe. [Dan's in jail] Dan : I don't have time for this. Darlene : Oh, I think you do. Darlene : Trust me, he goes in that room cause it's the only one with a lock on it, and he's in there for like an hour at a time. Which means he's either really, really good at it, or really, really bad at it! Roseanne : Well I don't want you to give him any grief about this ya know, cause you could traumatize him and turn him into a serial killer! Darlene : Well don't worry, how much damage could he do with only one free hand? Becky : All I have to do is count to ten. Darlene : Don't wear mittens. It'll slow you down. Darlene : No, I'm serious: I think we should get married. David : Oh, I get it, now you're gonna tell me you're kidding. Darlene : Nope. Now I'm gonna tell you I'm pregnant. ["Bad boy" Shawn tries to put his arm around Darlene] Darlene : Stop right there, Ponyboy. You and the rest of the Outsiders can just go rumble someplace else. [Darlene is on the phone] Roseanne : Get off, now. Darlene : Why are you picking on me for? Roseanne : 'Cause I can't find Becky. Dan : Okay, we have thirty minutes to make this house clean. Darlene : Rub a Lamp. [Darlene and Dan discuss her drug use] Darlene : Oh come dad, do you really think what I did was that bad? Dan : Yes. Darlene : Give me a break. You grew up in the 60's, I've seen the photo album. I mean those clothes had to have some pharmaceutical explanation. Darlene : [to Roseanne] You told me David and Becky were going to be here. I didn't realize I would be spending the afternoon with Drunken Heinz. Molly Tilden : They're so cute. Which one do you want? Darlene : The one who'll kill you and stuff you into a trunk. [Sean tries to put his arm around Darlene] Darlene : Any part of you that touches me, you're not getting back. Darlene : Can we get out of here? It's been like an hour and a half. Molly: It's my car and I'm not ready to go. I'm still looking for the perfect guy, okay. Darlene : Oh, it's a good thing we're in a parking lot full of drunken losers. It shouldn't be hard to spot that white horse. Darlene : Oh man. I feel like I'm the middle of a really bad after school special. Roseanne : Where the hell have you been? Darlene : Trying to get home. That skank woman Molly left me stranded in the parking lot so she could jump in a van with some guys after the concert. Dan : I don't care what your story is. The rule is you call. Darlene : It was a bad neighborhood. When I finally found a phone booth I got tired of waiting for the guy in it to finish peeing. [Roseanne was just talking about sexist stuff with Dan] Roseanne : [to Darlene] And you're just lying around on the couch all day. Darlene : And I do it just as well as any man. Darlene : To whom it concerns, Darlene's work will be late/ It fell on her pancakes and stuck to her plate./ To whom it concerns, my ma made me write this/ And I'm just her kid, so how could I fight this./ To whom it concerns, I lost my assignment/ Maybe I'll get lucky, solitary confinement./ To whom it concerns, Darlene's great with the ball/ But guys don't watch tomboys when they're cruising the hall./ To whom it concerns, I just turned thirteen/ Too short to be quarterback, too plain to be queen./ To whom it concerns, I'm not made of steel/ When I get blindsided my pain is quite real./ I don't mean to squawk, but it really burns./ I just thought I'd mention it, to whom it concerns... Darlene : I was gonna run away but I didn't need Rozilla leveling Chicago to find me. Darlene : Were you a virgin when you married Dad? Roseanne : Yes I was! Darlene : Really? Roseanne : Absolutely, I still am. Darlene : Oh, so you weren't. Roseanne : No... no. Darlene : Wow, my mom's a big tramp. Becky : Darlene you just shouldn't let sex rule your life Darlene : You know, thats the same speech mom gave me. Except you left out the part "... or you'll end up like Becky". Darlene : DJ's finally got a friend that's not imaginary. [Darlene and Becky are babysitting] Darlene : I'll feed, you wipe. Darlene : What are you doing here? Roseanne : It's Parent's Day and your birth mother Morgan Fairchild couldn't make it. Roseanne : That is not funny! You're grounded until menopause! Darlene : Yours or mine? Roseanne : Your father's! Jackie : You know, us cops have a saying... you never pull a dead man out of a seatbelt. Darlene : So what, do you just leave them there? [Darlene and Becky are taking care of a baby who won't stop crying] Darlene : Maybe he needs to be changed. Becky : I changed him five times already. Darlene : Well maybe you did it wrong and gave him a wedgie. Darlene : Well, just as Becky completes the line, "I'd like to thank the student council for allowing me to speak my mind," it happened. Roseanne : What happened? Darlene : Becky... cut... the cheese. |
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