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 Mark Harmon QuotationMovie Title: Shadow of a Doubt (1991) as Charles: Charles : It's not good to know too much about someone. Movie Title: Tuareg - Il guerriero del deserto (1984) as Gacel Sayah: Gacel Sayah : A stone is the toughest of all desert plants. Movie Title: Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service (2003) as Gibbs: Agent Caitlin Todd: I can't give him Air Force One's floor plans! They're top secret! Gibbs : Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie. Abby: I dunno. Guys have all kinds of strange rituals before they go out. This one guy, he does a full upper body workout just seconds before his date so he can be all pumped. [pause] Gibbs : Does Tony know that you know? Abby: Does Tony know that YOU know? Abby: So, what about you, Gibbs? You got any fetishes? Gibbs : I have three ex-wives. I don't have time for fetishes. Gibbs : Ducky. I'm not interested in what happened to him after he died. Ducky: Well I'm surprised to hear you say that, Gibbs. You know post-mortem details can be extremely revealing. Remember that case, four years ago, where the young Marine was buried in an anthill up to his neck? Gibbs : Ducky. Eight years ago. Ducky: No, it can't be eight years. No, I know it wasn't. Four years ago, your third wife hit you over the head with a baseball bat, and I distinctly remember the ant-eaten Marine on that table there while I stitched you up. [Kate leaves the room in a hurry] Tony : Was it something I said? Gibbs : Not yet, at least. [about laws changing over time] Gibbs : Politicians have their time table, I have mine. Gibbs : NCIS does not leak. These plans get out... you can shoot DiNozzo. Kate: No, I think I'm destined to shoot you. Gibbs : Rule Number Three: Don't believe what you're told. Always double check. Kate: Should I write these rules on my Palm Pilot, or crochet them on pillows? Gibbs : Mind if I tag along? Please? Abby: (aside) Wow. Gibbs said "please." Gibbs : How long to find the acid and check out the rest of the chutes? Abby: Well, I'm flying solo, so at least a day. Gibbs : Go faster if you had an assistant? Abby: Definitely. Gibbs : Okay, you got the job. Kate: I get to do forensics? Gibbs : No, you get to schlep for Abby. She gets to do forensics. Kate: Then we got our guy. Gibbs : Nope. All we got is a pile of dead skin. Only thing you can use the DNA registry for is to identify a body. Kate: Well, there has to be a way around that. Gibbs : See, NOW you're thinking like an NCIS agent. Tony : You ever jump? Gibbs : Sure, when I get an electric shock. [watching Kate and Tood argue] Gibbs : Why do I feel like a high school principal? Gibbs : Seaman Russell McDonald. 19. Assigned to the USS Foster. Kate: Destroyer. Spruance Class. Gibbs : Hey, look at that, the new kid on the block's been doin' her homework. Tony : It's a bikini. Two piece. Kate: A bottom. And a hat? Tony : Puerto Rican? Gibbs : Any chance you're gonna try that on? Kate: You first! Gibbs : Trust me. Not gonna fit. Kate: Pigs. I work with pigs. Tony : The golf clubs belong to his RIO, LT Lynch. Kate: RIO? Tony : Radar Intercept Officer. Also called a GIBs, one B - short for Guy In Back. Kate: [to Gibbs, about his name] Why do YOU need TWO Bs? Gibbs : The second one's for bastard. Kate: I believe him. Gibbs : Of course you believe him, it's a chick flick. In a guy flick, you steal the money, you set a guy up to take the fall, you murder him and you marry his wife. Kate: How long did Burley work here? Abby: Five years. Tony : Five years with Gibbs. Amazing the guy didn't end up in a straitjacket. Gibbs : What was that? Tony : Ah, nothing, boss, just praising your communication skills. Kate: Do people react that way because we're NCIS, or do you just have that effect on them? Gibbs : I'd like to think it's me Kate: You know, Gibbs, sometimes you can be a real... Gibbs : Bastard? Kate: Yeah. Gibbs : Try and brand the cologne. Abby: Why, you want some? Gibbs : Nope, don't use cologne. Women I date think the smell of sawdust is sexy. That's probably why I don't... date many women. Abby: Perfume is expensive, Gibbs. I can't just hang out at the Macy's tester tray with my lab kit. They frown on that sort of behavior. Gibbs : Buy what you need to, Abby, we'll deal with it later. Abby: Bold, Gibbs. Bold. Abby: Perfume is the most powerful accessory a woman can wear. Gibbs : Yeah, well, how much did all this power cost us? Abby: Around fifteen hundred. Gibbs : Fifteen hundred dollars? Abby: Well, not including the tax. I stuck to the thirty most popular scents hoping we'd get lucky. Gibbs : Ah, how fiscally responsible, Ab. Gibbs : Why is it that women always wanna fix what doesn't need fixing? Kate: It makes us feel all warm inside. Gibbs : So does Scotch Gibbs : Morning! Sleep well? Kate: If by well, you mean violently throwing up all night and bouncing around like rag dolls... Gibbs : Have you ever made a mistake, Tony? Tony : According to you or me? Kate: You know, I bet this is why your second wife came after you with a nine iron, isn't it. You just refused to sit down and... talk things through. Gibbs : Actually, that wasn't it at all. Kate: Oh? So what was it, then? Gibbs : A seven iron. Gibbs : Don't say it, Dinozzo. Tony : I wasn't going to say anything. Gibbs : Don't think it. Tony : Too late. Kate: Can I ask you a question, Gibbs? Gibbs : Is this one of those questions where it's not going to matter if I say no? Fornell: If you screw me on this... Gibbs : I'll consider it a bonus. Abby: Latex is, um, very popular in, uh, certain... circles. Gibbs : Yeah? What kind of circles? Abby: Gibbs, I dunno if you're ready for this. It might upset your delicate sensibilities. Gibbs : Oh, I'll stop you. Abby: Okay... maybe he was wearing a latex hood, like bondage gear, S&M fetish. I dated this guy once who just wanted me to bounce up and down on a balloon -... Gibbs : Okay, you can stop. Abby: Gibbs, that is no weirder than a three hundred and fifty pound guy with half his body painted yellow and the other painted green, wearing nothing but shorts in ten degree weather and a big plastic piece of cheese on his head saying "Go Packers!" Gibbs : Abs, it's apples and oranges. Abby: There's a fetish for that, too. Gibbs : Did you run it through... Abby: Run it through AFIS? Gibbs : Feisty and psychic. Abby: It's a killer combination. Abby: Aaaah! Gibbs! Didn't your momma teach you not to sneak up on people? Gibbs : Obviously not. Abbby: I had an ex-boyfriend that snuck up on me once. He was walking funny for a week. Or, I should say, funnier. Gibbs : Got your 911, Abs. What's up? Abby: Ready to have your world rocked again? Gibbs : I'm barely over the first time. Gibbs : Anything, Abby? Abby: This is the left rear tire off Commander Julius's car. Notice anything unusual? Gibbs : It's inflated. Abby: Is that a guess, or do you actually know where I'm going this? Gibbs : What do you think? Abby: Well, I don't know, that's why I asked you. Gibbs : Why don't you just tell me? Abby: So you don't know. Gibbs : I want to make sure you know. Abby: Hmmmm. Gibbs : Hmmmm. Abby: We should play poker sometime. Gibbs : Yeah, we should. Abby: You went to see Ducky before you came to see me! Gibbs : Is there some kind of priority here I don't know about? Abby: A girl likes to be thought of first. Gamal: Well, the psychiatrist examined him and is worried for his mental health. Gibbs : I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. Tony : I haven't got high enough clearance to access those records. Kate: What's your clearance? Tony : Confidential. Kate: Confidential? What'd you do, kill someone in high school? Tony : Ha! That's funny, Kate. No, I screwed up my paperwork with another agent's. Gibbs : Agent Tony Dinozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic. Tony : They yanked my clearance. Now I gotta take a physical to get it back. Kate: Why's that? Tony : To prove that I'm still alive. Kate: He could've given Thumper a dirty chute. Gibbs : What'd you say? Kate: Ramsay could've given Thumper a sabotaged chute. Gibbs : No, you said dirty. Kate: What? Tony : With Gibbs, you never know. Gibbs : Dinozzo, what're you doin'? Tony : Just doin' a little research for Abby. Gibbs : For Abby? Tony : Well, maybe I'm servin' two masters. Gibbs : You're servin' one, now. Kate: How did you get into NCIS? Tony : I smiled? Jimmy: We were hanging out, listening to Dashboard Confessional. Tony : Emo. Gibbs : Emo? Tony : Emotional music. Gotta get a radio, Gibbs. [Abby sneezes] Gibbs : Bless you. Abby: What are you, my priest? Gibbs : Curse you? Abby: Heh. Gibbs : ID withheld... Tony : Probably the reason you married her. I mean, she probably hid her real personality as most women do, and by that time it was too late because you'd already... I'm gonna shut up now. Gibbs : Now? Tony : We ever gonna make the eleven o'clock news? Gibbs : Coulda happened tonight if you'd broke your neck. Tony : Yeah. Wonder what they were looking for. Kate: Wonder if they found it. Gibbs : I wonder when you two guys are gonna stop yakking and get to work. Tony : This guy was way into reality shows. Real World. Simple Life, Punk'd... Gibbs : Punk'd? Kate: Geez, Gibbs, even I know what Punk'd is. Tony : Punk'd is an MTV show where they play tricks on celebrities while secretly filming it. Gibbs : Like Candid Camera? Tony : What's Candid Camera? Gibbs : Ducky. Got some good news for me? Ducky: That depends on your definition of good news. Gibbs : Not the answer I was looking for. Abby: It's gray latex. Gibbs : Rubber? Abby: One and the same. Gibbs : Probably couldn't be used as a hat. Abby: Yeah, well, not if you grew up in Dorkville. Gibbs : Grew up just west of there. Tony : Stories are pretty consistent. Gibbs : A little too consistent. Tony : You think they're lying? Gibbs : I think they're well-rehearsed. Abby: This program rocks. It includes vall, fall, yacht, tip over, rollover, combined speed, linear momentum... Gibbs : Abby. Abby: Oh, c'mon, Gibbs. You know you love it when I talk tech. [Ducky always goes off on a tangent] Abby: I had this boyfriend once - not the balloon guy - but this one was like a computer genius. He put together a database of databases. I mean, it seems obvious in retrospect, like the pet rock... Gibbs : Abby? Abby: Yes? Gibbs : You're spending too much time talking to Ducky. Abby: The car that hit Gordon was definitely a Taurus. Gibbs : You're positive? Abby: Absolutely... unless it was a Mercury Sable. Gibbs : We gonna jump through any legal hoops? Abby: Oh, that's kind of a gray area. Gibbs : How gray? Abby: Charcoal. Tony : What're we looking for? Gibbs : Answers. [Gibbs walks away] Tony : You got plans tonight? Kate: Not really. Tony : Good. 'Cause the last time Gibbs was like this, I didn't go home for a week. Kate: The sad part? That would actually be an improvement over my social life. Tony : Forty mile zone ended two miles back, boss. Limit here's sixty-five. I only mention it 'cause you usually drive faster than Dale Earnhardt, Jr... Boss? Gibbs : What? Tony : You wanna stop for a burger? [Gibbs has three ex-wives] Gibbs : Hey, Dinozzo, kinda reminds me of your apartment. 'Cept for that minty fresh urine smell. Tony : For your information, I have a maid now. Gibbs : You can afford a maid? Tony : It's amazing what you can do when you don't have to pay three alimonies. Gibbs : What'd you find in his nose? Ducky: Cellulosic fiber, lignin. Gibbs : Wood. Ducky: Ah, sawdust, to be precise. Tony : Hey boss, don't you have some kind of weird thing about women and sawdust? I mean... I... don't... think it's weird. Tony : Where the hell are you? Fornell's here with a warrant for your arrest! Gibbs : Well, it's a good thing I'm not there, then. [Tony is ranting about why he can't drive the car] Gibbs : You can't drive because you're not going. Tony : Oh. That's different. Gibbs : Tony, what time did the schmuck's report say the dispersing office was robbed? Kate: What schmuck? Gibbs : Well, our schmuck, unfortunately. Gibbs : Y'know, some of these guys freeze on their first jump. Have to be kicked in the ass to get them out. Tony : Not me. Gibbs : Nope. You fall in the category that want a kick in the ass on the ground. Tony : Didn't become an NCIS agent yesterday, Kate. As a matter of fact, tomorrow... Gibbs : Will have been two years. Tony : That's kind of touching, Gibbs, remembering the day you hired me. Gibbs : Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Tony : Can I drink? Gibbs : Sure. Sasparilla. Tony : Sasparilla? Who drinks sasparilla? Gibbs : Shane. Tony : Who's Shane? Kate: Alan Ladd. Tony : Who's Alan Ladd? [finding a severed leg in a dumpster] Gibbs : Time of death? Ducky: From a leg? Ha! Tell you what, Gibbs, you find me a liver in that leg, and I'll tell you the time of death. [in autopsy, examining a severed leg] Ducky: Reminds me of that movie, starring Daniel Day-Lewis, My Left Foot... Gibbs : Ducky. That's a right foot. Ducky: Hmmm, so it is. Oh, well. Gibbs : Hey, Duck, who would you get to pose as a marine? Ducky: You. [talking about his eyesight instead of working] Tony : 20/10, same as Ted Williams. He could see the seams on a fastball coming at him. Gibbs : How 'bout my knuckles? Ducky: Jethro, I don't answer forensics questions I don't know the answers to. You know that. Why do you keep asking me? Gibbs : Force of habit. [about online games] Gibbs : And why do they use such weird names? Tony : When you're a computer geek invading dungeons and fighting ogres, "Jethro" doesn't cut it. [pause] Tony : Neither does "Tony." Gibbs : (to Tony) Kate is going with you. Kate: I'm sure Tony can handle this alone. Gibbs : When did an order turn into a debate? [Tony needs a place to stay for the night] Tony : You remember when I stayed with you that time, when it didn't really go so well? Gibbs : Yeah. I remember, Dinozzo. Tony : Well, listen. I was younger then. Immature, a little unfocused... Gibbs : It was six months ago, Tony. Kate: Reynolds says there's no known material missing, but the intel's soft. They'll continue to check. Gibbs : Stay on it every five minutes. Kate: He expressly told me to wait for his call. Gibbs : Well, I expressly don't give a damn. Ride his ass. Abby: I found a piece of straw on the sock. Gibbs : What kind? Abby: The hay kind. [to a suspect] Gibbs : Boy, oh, boy, you are good. But so are we. Gibbs : I'm not smart enough to play risky games with a lawyer of your caliber, Rabb. Harm Rabb: That's Commander Rabb. Or Commander. Or sir, *Gunny.* I believe as a reservist you're still technically in the Marine Corps. Gibbs : I am an NCIS Special Agent, and I don't have to salute you, or sir you, or give you any military courtesy, but you know that. So who's playing the games here? Harm Rabb: How long you been doing this, Gibbs? Gibbs : Nineteen years. Harm Rabb: Can you tell if someone's guilty, by looking in their eyes? Gibbs : I can. Harm Rabb: Yeah, well look in mine. Ask me. Ask me! Gibbs : Would you kill for your brother? Gibbs : You ever worked a crime scene, Agent Todd? Kate: I am a Secret Service agent. Gibbs : I thought not. Kate: Look, don't dismiss me, okay? I earned my jockstrap. Gibbs : Yeah, does it ever give that empty feeling? Kate: What? Gibbs : Your jockstrap. Kate: No. Like some species of frogs, I grow what I need. Tony : What is with the Germans and the alphabet thing? BMW, BMG, BASF - and they're all B's. Gibbs : I'm resisting the urge to say cut the BS. Tony : Six letter word for a reason to commit a crime. Gibbs : Dinozzo... Tony : That's seven letters. Gibbs : Still works for me. Stan Burley: You know, it's funny how it's all starting to come back to me now. Gibbs : What's that? Stan Burley: The tightness in my chest, the upset stomach, all the pleasantries that come with working for you. Gibbs : The secret of a good bluff is not to bluff. [about a dead body] Gibbs : Anymore tattoos on the body? Tony : No, just the rose on Kate's butt. Gibbs : It's not a rose. Movie Title: The Presidio (1988) as Jay Austin: Donna Caldwell : Say something. Jay Austin : What? Donna Caldwell : That's a start. Movie Title: Summer School (1987) as Shoop: Shoop : Please take your seats. Chainsaw , Dave : Where should we take 'em? Pam : You want us to study? Shoop : The thought did cross my mind. Denise : Well, what's in it for us? What do we get out of it? Shoop : Literacy? Shoop : Your teacher was arrested for giving vodka to students... on roller skates. [The class is watching "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"] Phil Gills : Oh my god. What are you watching? Shoop : "Safe use of power tools". Shoop : Hey, I remember you. Where you been? Jerome Watkins : Bathroom. Shoop : Six weeks? Jerome Watkins : My zipper got stuck. [Shoop is calling roll] Shoop : Francis Gremp? Chainsaw : Don't ever call me that, the name's "Chainsaw". Shoop : As in "Black and Decker"? Chainsaw : As in "Texas Massacre". Shoop : Where are my car keys? Chainsaw : There somewhere in this room. Right now you're ice cold. Chainsaw : Our next field trip has to be to the beach. Dave : We have to see Annamaria in a bikini, it's very important. Movie Title: Chasing Liberty (2004) as President James Foster: Anna Foster : Dad! Way to go. I can't believe you had that restaurant swarming with your secret servants. You ruined my date! And now, I'm going to die before I ever get to third base... I mean second base. President James Foster : Anna? [She turns around to see a bunch of people in the room] Anna Foster : I'll talk to you about this later. President James Foster : No, no. Stay. Pull up a chair. We were just discussing the G8 Summit in Prague. how to best persuade the EU leaders to adopt our plan to give humanitarian aid and medical technology to developing nations, but you had a bad date, so we should probably focus on that. Anna Foster : No, I'm so sorry to have interrupted. Excuse me. [She leaves] President James Foster : So third base is what again? [indistinct mumbling] President James Foster : Glad I asked. Movie Title: Freaky Friday (2003) as Ryan: Grandpa : [about Anna] Stop groveling, man. Let her come to YOU. Ryan : Yeah - she'll come with a hatchet. Ryan : Where to next, Harry's school? Tess (as Annabell) : He can walk from here. Harry : It's 20 blocks! Tess (as Annabell) : Exercise will do you good. Harry : But what about bullies? Tess (as Annabell) : Run fast. [as he holds Tess's hand] Ryan : Only one more day Tess (as Annabell) : It's great we're getting married. Even though my husband died and how quickly I've been able to get over it. Tess (as Annabell) : So, let's do this thingy. Ryan : You mean our wedding rehearsal? Tess (as Annabell) : Yeah, whatever. Ryan : You know what, I'm not really a prying kind of guy, but just for the heck of it, I'm just wondering what you were doing on the eve of our wedding straddling some guy on the back of a big black Harley? Tess (as Annabell) : Hello, it was a Ducati! |
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Copyright movies studios and Imdb.com: Mark Harmon
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